(Closed) NewBee :)

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
985 posts
Busy bee

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hopefulyounabee:  just wanted to say welcome to the hive !!

I get what youre saying about knowing what you want and feeling like you have found the one and wondering what the hold up is especially since your man seems to be on the same page… Im not really “waiting” yet but a ton of bees are and Im sure they will have tons of advice ! My only advice would be to try not to become obsessed with the whole wedding thing and allow it to take over your whole life as it usually ends up turning some guys off when it appears the woman cares more about the wedding planning/engagement than the actual marriage. 

Post # 5
Member
985 posts
Busy bee

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hopefulyounabee:  I hear you. hopefully some more people will reply but until then just go on the watiing boards and scroll, there are tons of people in ur same position and they are a very tight supportive community for the most part. have u talked to him about perhaps what he is waiting for? is it simply he doesnt feel like its the “right time” and he is planning a nice proposal or is there something else holding him back?

And FYI to comment directly back to a person just click the “reply” button directly under their post (right next to the helpful aka like button) 

Post # 8
Member
985 posts
Busy bee

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hopefulyounabee:  lol no ur reply didnt come through, i just came back to your thread. you’ll get the hang of it im sure. 

Post # 9
Member
662 posts
Busy bee

The obsession will soon become a normal feeling LOL Honestly, talking to the ladies and men (yes there are dudes on here too and they are awesome!) on here has really helped me cope and surpress my obsession from becoming obvious to the world. The Bee helps to contain your excitement online and not seem crazy ahah ๐Ÿ˜›

 

So welcome to the Hive! You will love it here!

Post # 10
Member
25 posts
Newbee

Welcome! I am a new bee also, and your situation sounds somewhat similar to mine (dating 1.5 years, SO is 30/I am 25, we have talked about marriage and he basically says “I will be ready soon but not now”). I feel like once we talked about marriage and I realized he possibly felt the same way about me that I did about him, I started getting more obsessed. It’s really difficult to let it go and just go with the flow of the relationship when you feel like this! So I empathize with you. *hugz*

I don’t think you are wrong for wanting to get engaged already. I think once you have decided/realized your SO is “the one,”  that feeling passionately about the idea of them proposing to you is totally normal! For me, I think I want my SO to propose soon really badly because I want him to validate that yes – I am indeed as important to him as he is to me! Waiting for this validation sucks. Saying that you want to marry someone is one thing, but ACTUALLY proposing…well that’s another. For me “the obsession” sets in because I just really REALLY want to get on with it and start our life together. It’s waiting for that that is the hardest part.

As difficult as waiting is, it is my opinion that openly displaying “the obession” can lead to your SO feeling a lot of pressure, and ultimately could drive a wedge between you two. Discussing your feelings and letting him know where you stand is a good thing – communication is important and it allows you to connect with each other! But once you have expressed yourself, you have to drop it for awhile and see what happens. Whenever I am feeling annoyed/sad that he won’t discuss actual timelines, or isn’t interested in talking about actual rings more seriously yet(etc), I remind myself about the strengths of my relationship with my SO. Then I start feeling less sad and more happy because I am very lucky that I have a man that cares so much about me that he thinks there is a very good chance he will want to marry me. Then I remember that I want to STRENGTHEN that relationship, and not drive a wedge between us by continually discussing something we have already talked about. I also reflect a lot on my own feelings about my relationship and marriage. Right now, I am feeling impatient, but also OK with where our relationshpi is heading. I don’t feel like I am being strung along with false promises or kept in the wings. Overall I would describe what I feel as IMPATIENCE, not RESENTMENT right now. &I know that if that ever changes, I would need to talk to my SO and maybe make some changes in our relationship. Because I have a responsibility to communicate my feelings and set boundaries I am OK with. So that’s another thing that helps — reminding myself that I am only in control of myself and my own feelings and actions. I can only decide what I am OK with, but I cannot control his actions and I have to be happy with that. For an anxious control freak like me…accepting that is pretty hard. Haha. But being conscientious of the idea helps. 

Also, I pin stuff on pinterest that is wedding related and I daydream…a lot. I know that is dangerous, because I am being a bit premature since I am not engaged. But honestly, it is comforting to think about what my own wedding/engagement ring/proposal/etc could be like because it makes me feel like it has the possibility of happening. 

Basically, I get through waiting with lots of self-care and reflection. Also, I get some of “the obsession” out by talking about or reading about wedding stuff here or elsewhere. In the end, I love my partner and want them to be ready and comfortable with proposing when they are ready, and I have decided that (at least for now) I am willing to wait for that. Setting boundaries can help a lot too – like “I will not discuss this again with SO until I begin feeling like ____ or until ____ date has passed.

 

Sorry this is so long…typing this was therapeutic and I think I got carried away. Lol. Good luck bee! If you want to talk PM me!

Post # 13
Member
662 posts
Busy bee

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hopefulyounabee:  My weddings planned on pinterest LOL

Post # 15
Member
24 posts
Newbee

I definitely know how you feel..what’s up with the wait?! I’ve told my bf what type of ring I wanted since the end of January..luckily, I’ve happened to see him email/text with jewelers..so I know it’s at least being worked on. Either that, or he has the ring already.

When I start to wonder what is up with the wait, I think about all the things that are going through guys’ minds prior to proposing..they have so much responsibility, while we as girls just wait. (I guess I can’t say “just” wait..it’s not easy either!). They have to worry about getting the right diamond (my bf read a book on diamonds passed onto him by a friend), setting (some places take up to 6 months to make the ring!)..maybe even getting the setting changed (my bf said he wanted to change the ring setting he chose), finding the perfect time/place that you will be happy with. A proposal only happens once in a lifetime (supposedly) and it is a lot of pressure on a guy. They also have responsibility in taking that next step for the both of you..are you two really right for each other? Getting engaged is more that just a ring and future wedding. This is a lot of responsibility put on the guy and I think a lot goes through guys’ heads before he proposes. Of course, I believe that some guys do not think so much – but to those of us waiting, I feel that if it’s been discussed and agreed on that you two will get married, then if the guy is taking some time..he is just preparing and it will happen.

Despite this, of course I still wonder what is up with the wait. In the meantime, my bf will mention us and marriage at least a few times a week..it has kept me a bit more confident that it is still definitely in his mind. This morning, he fake proposed with a ring pop..it was cute ๐Ÿ™‚ He was hiding while unwrapping the wrapper..that was cute too, and noisy 

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