Welcome! I am a new bee also, and your situation sounds somewhat similar to mine (dating 1.5 years, SO is 30/I am 25, we have talked about marriage and he basically says “I will be ready soon but not now”). I feel like once we talked about marriage and I realized he possibly felt the same way about me that I did about him, I started getting more obsessed. It’s really difficult to let it go and just go with the flow of the relationship when you feel like this! So I empathize with you. *hugz*
I don’t think you are wrong for wanting to get engaged already. I think once you have decided/realized your SO is “the one,” that feeling passionately about the idea of them proposing to you is totally normal! For me, I think I want my SO to propose soon really badly because I want him to validate that yes – I am indeed as important to him as he is to me! Waiting for this validation sucks. Saying that you want to marry someone is one thing, but ACTUALLY proposing…well that’s another. For me “the obsession” sets in because I just really REALLY want to get on with it and start our life together. It’s waiting for that that is the hardest part.
As difficult as waiting is, it is my opinion that openly displaying “the obession” can lead to your SO feeling a lot of pressure, and ultimately could drive a wedge between you two. Discussing your feelings and letting him know where you stand is a good thing – communication is important and it allows you to connect with each other! But once you have expressed yourself, you have to drop it for awhile and see what happens. Whenever I am feeling annoyed/sad that he won’t discuss actual timelines, or isn’t interested in talking about actual rings more seriously yet(etc), I remind myself about the strengths of my relationship with my SO. Then I start feeling less sad and more happy because I am very lucky that I have a man that cares so much about me that he thinks there is a very good chance he will want to marry me. Then I remember that I want to STRENGTHEN that relationship, and not drive a wedge between us by continually discussing something we have already talked about. I also reflect a lot on my own feelings about my relationship and marriage. Right now, I am feeling impatient, but also OK with where our relationshpi is heading. I don’t feel like I am being strung along with false promises or kept in the wings. Overall I would describe what I feel as IMPATIENCE, not RESENTMENT right now. &I know that if that ever changes, I would need to talk to my SO and maybe make some changes in our relationship. Because I have a responsibility to communicate my feelings and set boundaries I am OK with. So that’s another thing that helps — reminding myself that I am only in control of myself and my own feelings and actions. I can only decide what I am OK with, but I cannot control his actions and I have to be happy with that. For an anxious control freak like me…accepting that is pretty hard. Haha. But being conscientious of the idea helps.
Also, I pin stuff on pinterest that is wedding related and I daydream…a lot. I know that is dangerous, because I am being a bit premature since I am not engaged. But honestly, it is comforting to think about what my own wedding/engagement ring/proposal/etc could be like because it makes me feel like it has the possibility of happening.
Basically, I get through waiting with lots of self-care and reflection. Also, I get some of “the obsession” out by talking about or reading about wedding stuff here or elsewhere. In the end, I love my partner and want them to be ready and comfortable with proposing when they are ready, and I have decided that (at least for now) I am willing to wait for that. Setting boundaries can help a lot too – like “I will not discuss this again with SO until I begin feeling like ____ or until ____ date has passed.
Sorry this is so long…typing this was therapeutic and I think I got carried away. Lol. Good luck bee! If you want to talk PM me!