(Closed) Newbee.. 47 and getting married with twenty year old excitement

posted 6 years ago in 40 Something
Post # 3
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You show him that you do have an identity of your own which in no way detracts from the love and future you will share

Post # 4
1576 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Changing one’s name after marriage is a custom, not a law. Men no longer can consider wives as property so there is no justification for a name change. You could use his name socially without changing the last name legally. If he is so dead-set on your last names being the same, he could always change HIS last name to yours! There is no way he can force you to change your last name.

Post # 5
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My Mr’s parents took each other’s names when they married. Example: Jane Smith and Bob Doe become Jane Smith-Doe and Bob Smith-Doe.  I thought this was incredibly romantic when I heard about it, and I thought it showed a real spirit of partnership.

The only downside is now I can’t really become Fishbone Brown-Smith-Doe….

Post # 6
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You could always register “to do business as” your maiden name.  Change your name legally but file the d.b.a. with your maiden name and you can continue to practice professionally under that name.  Now, this does nothing to address his lack of willingness to compromise, but still…

Post # 7
1021 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’ve known people to have their names legally changed but still go by their former name in the professional setting – business cards, website, LinkedIn, etc. It might get confusing at times, but I’ve seen it done.

Also, congrats on the engagement!

Post # 8
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

why not keep your maiden name professionally and use his socially. 

where i am from, you don’t have to “change” your last name to his, you can just assume his last name.  your major pieces of i.d. like your passport and ss # will always be in your maiden name but driver’s license, credit cards, banking, etc can be changed to your married name.

congratulations on your wedding.  nice to see another 40+ bride.

Post # 9
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Here in Canada (for the most Provinces), “names” are less of a big deal

When one marries there are soooo many options… you can TAKE HIS Name, KEEP YOUR Name, HYPHENATE BOTH Names, CREATE A NEW Name, or anything inbetween (such as use your Maiden name as your Middle Name)

In truth there are…  Maiden Names – Single Names – Common-Law Names – Civil Union Names – and Married Names

Infact, as someone now involved in the Writing field, I know folks who have lots of names… ones they use professionally, ones they use socially, and ones they use legally (not to mention former names from previous marriages)

I LOVE the fact that overall we are so easy going about this whole thing

My Hubby and I have been “socially” using the same last name for years… it just makes it so much easier when you meet new people

Lol, I bet more than 75% of our friends, just assume we were already married (well in Canada technically we are, because we are Common Law… but we decided we wanted to do the REAL THING anyhow)

I haven’t 100% decided WHICH name I’m going to use post-marriage… and if it will mean changing my legal name or not.  For me it isn’t a big deal… because as it is I have about 4 different names in use in some capcity as it stands depending on which hat I happen to be wearing at the time (legally – professionally – socially – so & so’s Mom etc)

Oh ya, and to be totally honest, having more than one name, has never been very confusing to those who know me… they just know me as Sue Jones – Sue Black – Sue Brown – or Sue Smith depending on WHERE / HOW they know me.  IF it can be confusing at times, it is more for me.  Certainly been occasions when I’ve written out the wrong sirname (usually my legal name) when filling out something and not concentrating… signing Notes for School, comes to mind here


Post # 11
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@MRSJC:  Just don’t get around to changing your name anytime soon and he will get used to it. I will be a first time 40 plus bride too. My fiancee said that he wanted me to take his last name but when I didn’t seem enthusiastic, changed his mind without me bringing it up again. I will keep my name professionally but use his socially.

Post # 12
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I am also 47. My Darling Husband was initially hurt when I said I would keep my name, but I explained it was all I had left of my father (who is deceased) and that I just felt like I had had my name too long to change it. He understood and is fine with my decision. I am happy to be called “Mrs. WoW” socially and I had us introduced that way at the reception, I just very quietly  didn’t fill out the paperwork. I don’t even think his family knows I didn’t change it and doubt they will ever be the wiser.

Post # 13
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think it’s a little harsh of him to be demanding with no further discussion that you do this. Sounds like your best bet would be to not change it legally, but use the name socially. Perhaps see if he is amenable to you keeping it until you’re retired, then change it. 

I have my ex’s name because I caved and changed my name. It took me a year to do it (the name is horrible with my first name, plus I didn’t want to change it). He didn’t demand, but he guilted me quite a bit, as did his family. 

Post # 14
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

I would add his last name to yours such as Jane Marie SMITH to Jane Marie Smith JONES so your maiden name becomes your 3rd name… And you can still be Jane Marie SMITH only, for your professional life… then your fiance can’t really say much to that, because you are changing your last name to his… 

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