(Closed) Newbee, Waiting, and Needing Some Encouragement

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1718 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think your boyfriend is smart man to want to keep finances separate until the formal commitment.  I know, it sounds a bit harsh coming from him but he is just thinking about a future with you.  (In my relationship, I was the one who refused to combine finances.  My bf wanted to help me with my new car but I refused.)  April is going to fly by for you so don’t worry about it.  And, all weddings are different so what his sister might want isn’t what you would want so don’t compare.  Smile  You can plan your wedding to your heart’s content. 

Post # 4
Member
580 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I understand the hurt and pain,…. but you have a date!! Take a few minutes to read around this site and you will see people who have no set timeline (myself included!).

This is so good! You have a date! Even if he doesn’t propose until the last day in April, that’s only 103 days! It gives you time to do anything you want before the engagement, grow your hair, lose some weight, read that book you’ve been meaning to for ages, etc, etc. Honestly, just try and enjoy these last few months of the beginning of your life together πŸ™‚

Post # 5
Member
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Also, just because you don’t want to start formally planning a wedding without a ring doesn’t mean you can’t dream about it!  Are you on Pinterest?  If not, one of us can get you an invite, and you can pull together ideas/inspiration and dream big without feeling like you’re being silly!  All you have to do is hang tight until April!  That’s so close!  Hang in there πŸ™‚

Post # 7
Member
3305 posts
Sugar bee

I think you should embrace the fact that you know WHEN your SO is going to propose and not dwell in what you don’t currently have.

I wish I knew when my then SO was going to propose- it would have made waiting easier because I KNEW for a FACT he was going to do it.

Post # 8
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

Hey, welcome!

The good news is, 3 months isn’t a very long time. I’m glad you are trying to be happy for his sister, after all, you will want others to be happy for you when the time comes. It’s an emotional time, but soon all your patience will pay off.

Hang in there Miss!

Post # 9
Member
220 posts
Helper bee

I can relate to this post so much!  I am also a Christian and abstaining until marriage, and also really struggling with the melancholy and jealous feelings.  Some people on the waiting board (and I mean no offense to any of you, I’m just in a different situation) say things like “just enjoy your relationship” or imply that marriage doesn’t really change much.  But it is a lot more difficult to be infinitely patient when you can’t live together and need to hold back on physical affection.  And in my case, are in a long distance relationship and don’t even know when you’ll be back in the same city.

After almost 5 years in this relationship, and with about 6 friends getting engaged in recent months- all of whom have been with their fiance’s less time- some days I feel like I am going to go crazy before he proposes!  And my only timeline is that it will be around the time we move to the same city, which is totally dependent on his job search.  So I can really relate to your feelings of anxiety and the strain in the relationship.  I struggle with it almost every day.  But you have a very concrete and near-term timeline at this point, so hang in there!  You aren’t completely in the dark!  I wish I had better answers about how to deal with the painful feelings in the meantime, but so far I haven’t found anything that works.  Feel free to message me if you want to discuss this further.  πŸ™‚

Post # 10
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I completely understand where you are coming from.  My fiancee and I also are abstaining until marriage and do not live together.  When I was “waiting” it was tough.  I also struggled with some jelous feelings and sadness because it’s like you said he has the control and knows when not you.  Nothing I can say will truly make you feel better other than I feel for you and a virtual hug! (Total side note, it seems to happen when you least expect it, we got engaged 2.5 weeks ago and even though I knew he had the ring it was a complete surprise).

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