(Closed) Newbie here:) Trying not to be desperate!

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Ohhhh, don’t feel so horrible!! I don’t think you were wrong, I think you’re human. Letting your emotions show and telling him how you feel is important. I’m not saying to cry about it to him everyday, but don’t beat yourself up over it. When you’re both calm, have a conversation with him about it.

Post # 4
Member
2459 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Oh hun, I feel your pain I waited 8.5 years for the proposal and 10 years for the wedding, It will happen, at least he knows how you feel now.

Post # 6
Member
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@luvmuffin:  I feel the same way.  Just last week I blew up too and feel absolutely terrible about it.  

I’ve been patient but now I’ve given away the fact that I waited every holiday and special anniversary hoping that he’d propose and it just makes me seem insane. 

I still think it’s not our faults though, what are we to do, doubt it’s something they’d hold against us, in the end it’s obviously something lacking on their parts if every other guy is proposing. 

((hugs)) don’t let it bother you too much.   

Post # 8
Member
2018 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I’m married now but I too had a lot of “waiting pain”.  We had some really emotional discussions and it was hell at times.  I was freaking out that he was so effing stubborn. My husband is definitely not romantic in the least either.

But you are not wrong to feel the way you do and you shouldn’t be embarrassed by your outburst either.  You have two children with him, even more reason to marry you.  I’m not sure about never bringing it up again because guys need a kick in the ass every now and then.  A few gently pokes now and then shouldn’t make him feel too pressured. 

Welcome to the Bee though-a good vent zone:)

Post # 9
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee

Do you think that by living together and considering yourself a family already that he may think by getting you to lay off talking about marriage that eventually you’ll forget about marriage all together? ( that sounded confusing, lol). I understand that he doesn’t want to feel pressure, my SO doesn’t like to talk about it either, and that is fine with me, neither one of us is financially stable yet to have a wedding. Our friends have been getting engaged and they all have gone together to look at rings and my SO thinks that a proposal should be a surprise and that I should trust him enough to pick out a ring i would like. Which I do, anywayy…back to you, lol. How long would you want to wait? You said you have kids, if you waited and waited for 10 years and it never came, would you leave or just deal with a “common law marriage”? If you chose to leave would it be hard on your kids?

Its such a tough situation, IMO I would set a time limit of when you want to be married (realistic to your situation) and if nothing comes, move on. I wouldn’t even tell him about it because he might feel pressure and use that against getting married and if you don’t leave he’ll know that he can continue to lead you on about getting married becuase he knows you won’t leave.

Or you could just get your own place and maybe he’ll want to get married to have you back together. That way he won’t feel like your “married” when you aren’t acutally married yet.

I hope everything works out for you 🙂

Post # 10
Member
962 posts
Busy bee

First off, you are being awfully hard on yourself! You seem to have a good relationship with your man and that is wonderful. However, three years together and you now live together and you don’t have a timeframe? I know a lot of people will disagree with me on this, but I think you owe it to yourself to sit him down and find out if he intends to marry you (it seems like he has already said he has, but I would confirm this) AND WHEN he intends to propose by. If I were in your position, I would want to know for sure that, yes, he wants to propose and he plans on doing it in the next 6 to 9 months. He doesn’t need to tell you a date or ruin the surprise, but he does need to let you know it is happening and that it is happening in the near future. Again, I’m not saying to nag him or to continue bringing it up, but I am saying to sit him down in a serious but non-threatening way and to get SOME time frame out of him. This is your life too and if he doesn’t see marriage within the next year, you deserve to know about it.

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