Post # 1
My Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have been together a little over 3 years and he never brings up marriage. We live together, I have 2 kids, he has his teenage son, and we are a family. He is not the most romantic guy but that would be my ONLY complaint. We have a great relationship, but he NEVER brings up marriage!
I have brought it up nicely once asking if he would ever want to get married and he said without hesitation or tension, “Eventually”. So I just stayed quiet after that but the whole time I wanted to know just how long “eventually” is going to be!
Around Xmas,… well… I blew it. He was talking about diamond earrings and I took it somewhere totally different. My mouth had diarrhea and I was emotional and “what are you waiting for? Do I have anything to look forward to in the future?” Oh it was messy. He said it’s obviously something I want and I shouldn’t give up hope. (Too late) He just kept admitting that he is not a romantic guy, but he loves me and wants to be with me. It feels like alot of pressure to him, blah blah blah. I reminded him that I never bring it up so he won’t feel “pressured”. I was soooo humiliated! I felt like I was naked in front of strangers. I couldn’t look at him for a while. I will never embarrass myself like that again! I feel like now he knows how I feel, what I would want, and that was all I needed to do was have that one meltdown in front of him.
So now, of course, engagements are everywhere, and I can’t even watch a commercial with him in the same room. I don’t know how he views me now when there is a wedding commercial or movie on and I abrubtly switch the channel. I can’t help it! Am I as pathetic as I feel right now?
Post # 3
Ohhhh, don’t feel so horrible!! I don’t think you were wrong, I think you’re human. Letting your emotions show and telling him how you feel is important. I’m not saying to cry about it to him everyday, but don’t beat yourself up over it. When you’re both calm, have a conversation with him about it.
Post # 4
Oh hun, I feel your pain I waited 8.5 years for the proposal and 10 years for the wedding, It will happen, at least he knows how you feel now.
Post # 5
I just haven’t let out a peep about it since then. I pulled away somewhat, seeing my friends more, away by myself on weekends, back in school. I am just trying really hard to focus on myself more. I hope it yields the reaction I want.
Post # 6
@luvmuffin: I feel the same way. Just last week I blew up too and feel absolutely terrible about it.
I’ve been patient but now I’ve given away the fact that I waited every holiday and special anniversary hoping that he’d propose and it just makes me seem insane.
I still think it’s not our faults though, what are we to do, doubt it’s something they’d hold against us, in the end it’s obviously something lacking on their parts if every other guy is proposing.
((hugs)) don’t let it bother you too much.
Post # 7
@tiny tuna: Thanks:) I’m trying. I do pretty good until a romantic proposal is on tv, or commercial. Then I am like savagly changing the channel like it’s the most repulsive thing ever shown! I don’t know if he will take that action the wrong way.
Post # 8
I’m married now but I too had a lot of “waiting pain”. We had some really emotional discussions and it was hell at times. I was freaking out that he was so effing stubborn. My husband is definitely not romantic in the least either.
But you are not wrong to feel the way you do and you shouldn’t be embarrassed by your outburst either. You have two children with him, even more reason to marry you. I’m not sure about never bringing it up again because guys need a kick in the ass every now and then. A few gently pokes now and then shouldn’t make him feel too pressured.
Welcome to the Bee though-a good vent zone:)
Post # 9
Do you think that by living together and considering yourself a family already that he may think by getting you to lay off talking about marriage that eventually you’ll forget about marriage all together? ( that sounded confusing, lol). I understand that he doesn’t want to feel pressure, my SO doesn’t like to talk about it either, and that is fine with me, neither one of us is financially stable yet to have a wedding. Our friends have been getting engaged and they all have gone together to look at rings and my SO thinks that a proposal should be a surprise and that I should trust him enough to pick out a ring i would like. Which I do, anywayy…back to you, lol. How long would you want to wait? You said you have kids, if you waited and waited for 10 years and it never came, would you leave or just deal with a “common law marriage”? If you chose to leave would it be hard on your kids?
Its such a tough situation, IMO I would set a time limit of when you want to be married (realistic to your situation) and if nothing comes, move on. I wouldn’t even tell him about it because he might feel pressure and use that against getting married and if you don’t leave he’ll know that he can continue to lead you on about getting married becuase he knows you won’t leave.
Or you could just get your own place and maybe he’ll want to get married to have you back together. That way he won’t feel like your “married” when you aren’t acutally married yet.
I hope everything works out for you 🙂
Post # 10
First off, you are being awfully hard on yourself! You seem to have a good relationship with your man and that is wonderful. However, three years together and you now live together and you don’t have a timeframe? I know a lot of people will disagree with me on this, but I think you owe it to yourself to sit him down and find out if he intends to marry you (it seems like he has already said he has, but I would confirm this) AND WHEN he intends to propose by. If I were in your position, I would want to know for sure that, yes, he wants to propose and he plans on doing it in the next 6 to 9 months. He doesn’t need to tell you a date or ruin the surprise, but he does need to let you know it is happening and that it is happening in the near future. Again, I’m not saying to nag him or to continue bringing it up, but I am saying to sit him down in a serious but non-threatening way and to get SOME time frame out of him. This is your life too and if he doesn’t see marriage within the next year, you deserve to know about it.
Post # 11
I appreciate everyone’s opinions:) Just to clarify, I have 2 kids from a previous marriage, and he has one son, but has never been married. We are all great together and I do wonder sometimes if all this “togetherness” isn’t slowing a proposal down.
After my meltdown, i SWORE up and down to myself that I would never do that to myself again! I told him I wouldn’t say anything either which in turn he said not to feel bad about the way I feel. He left hints of hope but it was just not what I wanted to hear! It was me locking myself in the bathroom to continue crying and not being able to face him. I don’t have the courage to bring it up again after that. Not yet anyway. I actually need some time to recuperate!lol
I know I took it hard. I think he needed to see that, now he knows.
Also, my kids adore him, and I wouldn’t destroy their relationship with him. I feel like it will happen eventually, but like I said, How long is eventually in his timeline??