- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2014
Well I’m new, and this isn’t the most upbeat first post, I’m afraid! I wanted to post somewhere brand new so that my fiancee couldn’t stumble across this.
I could use some advice. Last October I proposed to my partner of (then) two and a half years. She said yes. We’ve booked our venue for next August, but it’s coming up more and more that her parents are not happy that she is marrying me, a woman. I’ve paid for most of the wedding so far, but we could use a little help to add the finishing touches – their accommodation, etc. They don’t want to contribute anything. They keep saying they want her to be happy, but ask why she wants to get married, is she sure, why don’t we wait, etc. They bring up her boyfriend from her late teen years when I’m around, and tell her they’re uncomfortable and that this isn’t what they wanted for her.
The point of civil partnership-ing was love, but also for the future, she’s likely to get a job abroad, having a partnership would help us move together, etc.
My fiancée isn’t standing up to them, she’s avoiding discussing the wedding and is becoming very shirty with me when I book something we’ve agreed on or discuss the finances. She keeps saying she doesn’t want to upset them. But I’ve sunk so much time and love into trying to make the perfect day, to be spoken to as though what I’m doing is in some way to hurt her, is awful.
I’ve been supportive as I can be, but I feel unwanted, and that there is only one way this can go. I know her parents are more important to her than I am, and so I am never going to be able to ‘win out’ over them, not that it’s some dreadful competition, but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life dancing around their wishes and being told how much my very existence upsets them. I’ve asked if she wants to call it off and she shrugs and says no, but her parents are very upset.
So, I suppose what I’m asking is, should I call things off? I love my fiancée so much, but I want to feel like I’m being put first, and the marriage is wanted, and the family will be there for me and our eventual children. The whole thing is making me feel like a terrible person, when all I did was fall in love and want to make their daughter happy forever, not permanently miserable as now seems to be the case.
Thank you to anyone who’s read this through.