Post # 1
We are newly engaged and have only told close family and friends. We don’t want to go the traditional route of parties, showers, large wedding ceremony/reception. We have both expressed interest in having a private ceremony (either alone or with immediate family- parents and siblings).
My future Mother-In-Law is already insisting that we send engagement announcements and plan an engagement party, but I am not sure of the etiquette! Do people have engagement parties and then elope/have a private ceremony?! We also have stayed away from sharing our engagement on social media until we figure out all the proper etiquettes.
What did you do? How did your friends/family react?!
Post # 2
So, DH and I were interested in having a private (immediate family only) JOP ceremony and then a post-wedding celebration later.
A good friend of my Mother-In-Law wanted to throw us an engagement party. We told my Mother-In-Law that our plans were not to have a wedding and we didn’t want things to be awkward because people at the engagement party wouldn’t be invited to our nuptials. She took that back to her friend; her friend still wanted to to it. We did agree that we would make it clear that this was not a gift-giving occasion, just a celebration. It was also very much a shindig for mostly her and MIL’s friends–they invited my parents but that was about it. None of DH’s and my friends. So the crowd was pretty specific too. And so she graciously threw us an engagement party and we proceeded as planned with our own wedding and post-celebration (she and all the e-party guests were invited to the celebration, of course).
So I think it can work, but you have to have open communication with everyone. And someone else offering to host is one thing, but you two shouldn’t be throwing your own engagement party, just according to general etiquette, but especially if you’re planning to elope–that won’t go over well.
ETA: engagement announcements are fine, either way. Those aren’t a big deal and they aren’t a solicitation to receive a gift. Don’t include any whiff of information about your nuptial plans; it’s simply an informational “we’re engaged”–like a FB post would be.
Post # 4
We just ran off and eloped. I told my family and friends our intentions and of course, they were upset. But we didn’t think spending a ton of money on one day was worth it. Some family members were really upset/ rude about it at first… I politely said that a wedding wasn’t in our budget but if they would like to help us pay for one, then we’d gladly invite everyone. After that, everyone started being nice to us again. 🙂
Eloping was great. I still had a beautiful private ceremony and I didn’t have to deal with any drama. On top of that, it was a mini-vacation for us and cost only us about $1000 for 3 days (including the officiant, airfare, a rental car, and a vacation rental). Our elopment is something special and private my husband and I share. We had a ton of fun and 100% would go that route again.
Since we didn’t have a wedding, no one threw us any parties. We did get gifts after we returned from my side of the family though as a congratulations. The entire process was no-fuss/ low-key, just like us!