Newly Engaged & Devastated by Dad's Ultimatum

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 47
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2023 - Chateau Saint Georges, Grasse, France

Fuck them. They don’t deserve your time or your love. Your father has clearly chosen this bitch over you, and you don’t deserve that. You deserve much better. Sorry, your story makes me angry as I’ve had a similar experience. I just want you to know that you’re not the only person who’s going through something like this. My biological mother is not much different from yours. She abused us and abandoned us. My father wasn’t any better when we were growing up.  

Post # 48
3083 posts
Sugar bee

I am giving your therapist some serious side-eye.

I don’t know how the conversation went down in your therapy sessions, but it should have been crystal clear that making yourself smaller to try and placate your father in hopes of having a better relationship with toxic family… was NOT in your best interests or good for your emotional health.

Post # 49
868 posts
Busy bee

This is tough, but I think the only thing to do is cut your losses. 

Nothing you can do is ever going to be enough for these people. I know it seems like your fathers wife is really the issue, but you father is doing a piss poor job of being your father. Invite them to the wedding if you must, but honestly I would really think hard about if you even want to do that. 

Post # 50
259 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
explore1the1world :  Wow, bee.  What a terribly sad story this is!  First off, congrats on your engagement!  

I haven’t read through all of the comments so i’m sure i’ll be saying what mostly everyone else says…

This woman sounds like a psychotic bitch and the fact that your father has 100% chosen her over his own daughter is absolutely disgusting.  While I cannot imagine what you’re going through and how upset you must of been during dinner with your father, it’s absolutely best to stay away from him.  First off, you, the CHILD in this should not be the one begging and pleading for forgiveness.  His wife is the ADULT in this situation and the fact that your father cannot see that either says a lot about him.  I understand you have always dreamed of having your father be a part of your big day and the financial contribution would be helpful, but in this case, it would be a disaster.  And absolutely 100% not worth it.  

I’m a mental health counselor and i’m pretty confused as to why your therapist would suggest that you try making amends with your father’s wife.  It sounds highly toxic and you are not going to get the outcome you want, or better yet, deserve.  You need to remove yourself from this relationship and focus on your new FH and if his family is around, great.  You deserve so much more than your POS father.  So sorry, bee.  Stay Strong!

Post # 51
241 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
explore1the1world :  your dad seems eyeball deep in this woman’s chaos. As painful as it would be, I’d consider severing the relationship in order to protect myself against this woman. People who are that far gone from reasonable are often malevolent and vindictive. I’d make no attempt at inviting that into my life.

im really sorry for what happened to you when you were just a teen. Your parents both get F’s from me based on this account.

finally, congratulations on your engagement. I wish you the best in life. I hope many more good things come your way. 


Post # 52
1920 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

ugh bee, so many hugs for you. I think your father is either completely oblivious to how toxic this women is, or is completely manipulated by her 24/7. 

i would not apologize, and to be quite honest i would bring it up to him how hurt you feel that he is choosing someone who hates you over his own kid. Im quite shocked as to how in the world your father agrees with this women that you ruined her life. like WTF! but thats just me, personally i would want to hear out of his own mouth as to what he seems to think on how you ruined this womans life. And then id cut my losses. 

have a small wedding invite family you are close with and friends and enjoy your day, there is nothing wrong with having a small wedding, i had one with about 30 people and had a grand time. 

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