Post # 1
My fiancé proposed to me recently while we were on vacation in a dream setting and let me start off by saying I love this man with all my heart and cannot wait to start our lives together.
So that being said, is it normal to feel a bit overwhelmed when you are newly engaged? People are constantly asking us when the date is (we have not set one yet) and we just got engaged a week and a half ago. When I called my sister to tell her, the first thing she said was “When is the wedding?!?!” and we had literally just gotten engaged. She just asked me again yesterday.
I feel like, now that we are engaged, the realization is hitting that wow, we have a WEDDING to plan. And it’s such a long, overwhelming process! I almost don’t even know where to begin. SHOULD we have a date picked already? Is it not “normal” that we don’t yet? And I feel like we can’t really pick a date until we pick the venue we want, because it depends on what day our preferred venue is available. So we basically need to set aside time to go venue shopping before we even designate our date.
There are so many details to wedding planning that I really never even thought about. I also have a demanding job which makes finding the time for all this difficult.
Also, despite all this, both my fiancé and I would like to be married with all our friends and family present. In other words, we do not want to elope or go the courthouse route. I WANT that beautiful dream wedding — it’s just the process of planning it that is stressing me out.
So, is it normal to be feeling this way when faced with the daunting task of actually planning a wedding? I have been dreaming about this pretty much since shortly after my fiancé and I started dating, but now that it’s actually here, I am feeling overwhelmed and don’t know where to begin.
Post # 2
It’s defintely not unusal; I’m feeling the exact same way! I too have been engaged for a week and half and am getting all the questions that I don’t know how to answer. I acutally work in the wedding industry. I have spent years wokring with brides and submerged in industry social media, so I thought I would have a pretty good grip on how to be a bride when my time came. How wrong I was haha! Hang in there and take it one day at a time. I always used to tell my brides to take their time to enjoy their engagement because it flys by faster than they think it will.
Post # 3
- Wedding: May 2019 - Country/barn
Totally normal. We chose a date fairly quickly…maybe a few weeks after we got engaged. We knew where we wanted to get married and had to act rather quickly as it fills up fast.
Post # 4
I think it’s probably fairly normal to feel overwhelmed at some point after engagement. I know I did. I’m sure people have good intentions when asking you all the questions, probably not realizing it’s stressing you out. My go to answer when folks asked when the wedding was, “we’re just enjoying our engagement for now.” And, after a while it settles down.
Come up with a few lines that you can tell people when they ask questions about wedding planning, and then, enjoy your engagement and plan the wedding when you feel ready. Congrats 🙂
Post # 5
- Wedding: April 2019 - USA
etherealbee : I totally understand where you’re coming from- it’s totally normal to feel overwhelmed because wedding planning is a lot of work! Just enjoy being engaged for a while- you don’t have to rush into planning at all! If you’re even just thinking about venues and dates (and not making decisions just yet) , then you’re STILL on the right track! Just try to relax and enjoy life for the next month or so. People will settle down.
Post # 6
No, you shouldn’t have a date yet. First step is to put together your guest list and budget.
Post # 7
Yes, feel overwhelmed, weddings are events, congratulations you get to participate in planning one!!
Post # 8
etherealbee : yep. I’m glad and sorry to say that it must be somewhat normal – not that I am in any way normal, but it’s been hell.
I think the expectation that it will be all love and sunshine and magic is what had me crash the hardest. I’m a grown woman, and yet somewhere deep down, I thought it would all be a love-fest of warmth, safety and connection once we were engaged.
Ohhh my … was I mistaken.
We still fight … only now, it’s much more devastating, because there’s this horrid feeling that we both have, that we shouldn’t be fighting.
The wedding is bringing out all the fears … I even panicked the other day because I’m taking his name. Full on tears and “omg what am I doing,” panic.
It’s a crazy transition, any way you look at it – and I think recovering a sense of humor is the only way to get through. Oh, and stepping back & getting a different perspective, focusing on what is fun — that has helped me too 🙂
Post # 9
Tell me about it! I got engaged around the middle of last month and we both agreed that we would have a long ish engagement. Neither of us were that fussed about planning anything for a while. Well I actually had a date in mind that I really liked (over 2 years away) and want to have and when I told some people they suggested that if there was a specific date we wanted, we should AT LEAST figure out a venue so that we can book it for the day we want and not miss out. I think I might have been a little naive about how long it actually takes to plan a wedding if there are specific things you want. This set me off with all sorts of anxiety because I didn’t think it would be happening so soon so I feel the same. I have no idea how to plan a wedding and it’s pretty overwhelming. We have decided to take a month to casually figure out what it is that we would like (types of venues, location, guest list, budget) and then we will go from there. Hopefully that will help me control my anxiety around the whole thing.
Plus, I know that I’m not alone, I’m planning it with the man I love, and that makes me feel a whole of a lot better!
Good luck Bee and Congratulations!!!
Post # 10
Very normal. I got engaged in November and it was only after we booked our venue last week that I started feeling a bit less overwhelmed. It has been an intense few months.
Post # 11
etherealbee : Maybe wen people ask you could give them something really vague like a season just to give them something. And like PP said, tell them you aren’t in a hurry to plan yet and just enjoying the moment.
ETA: huge congratulations as well
Post # 12
At the beginning it can be overwhelming! We got engaged in June 2018 and still haven’t set a date. The nice thing is people are starting to lose interest and not asking as much.
Post # 13
It is very normal to be overwhelmed especially if it is your first marriage. Take a deep breath and take things one at a time. If you are in no hurry, then relax. Buy a wedding/Bride’s magazines to give you some ideas on how you want your wedding to look like or the settings and the dress you want and I am sure there will be tons of tips for you. You can google and check out the venues to see if you like the place and the service they offer. This will give you ideas on how you want your wedding. Start from there. And share some of those ideas to your fiance. Make it fun!
Post # 14
Totally normal to feel overwhelmed! Did you and your fiance talk about a general time to get married? I know when we first got engaged, and everyone was asking for a date, it was really helpful to say “no, but we’re looking at late spring 2019” or something. That way I could answer the question, but it was still fairly generic and it didn’t seem as overwhelming to me.
I am a project manager, and the thing that helped me the most was to put together a Gantt chart. Yes, there is a lot to do in a wedding, but if you break it down to WHEN you have to do everything, it just makes it so much easier! I would just look at what had to be accomplished in the next two weeks. It made it a lot easier to break down big projects, too. Its something you might consider.
Also, there are a bunch of wedding planning books and binders out there, get one of those to help you along as well!
Post # 15
- Wedding: June 2019 - City, State
So normal! A wedding is actually a lot of planning and people get so excited about it they ask a thousand questions that you may not be ready to answer yet due to planning.
Make a list for your self of what to do then start your research. Be mindful of taking breaks for yourself whenever you need because it can definitely get overwhelming. Also I have said this time and time again.. try to keep it simple. My wedding is a month from now and I learned during my planning that there are details I want that most people will not even notice ahah so simplifying things still makes for a beautiful celebration and made things easier on myself because it was less to do.
Also, remember to have fun 🙂 planning can start to feel tedious so try to make it fun somehow. And remember that things may not always go to plan but let go and enjoy yourself during this process and remember that you are walking into a new chapter of your life.
Good luck. Congrats.