(Closed) Newly Engaged – Not Psyched About What Lies Ahead

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

plan it as quickly as you can. why wait 2 years if you’re going to hate it? 

have you thought of having your wedding at a different time of year?

Alternatively, you can ignore it for a year and a half and plan it in 6 months.

Post # 4
Member
689 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Is it feasible to hire a wedding planner?

Post # 5
Member
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I have one suggestion…take a deep breath!!

I know it’s overwhelming and ANNOYING when people ask about the date, dress, etc. but trust me, it will die down. We have all been there!!

Just enjoy being engaged for now and don’t stress over this stuff until you are ready to sit down and figure it out. There is no rush and it will happen at the right time!

So like I said, deep breath and enjoy being engaged for right now πŸ™‚

Post # 7
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I felt just like you. (Seriously, you can even go back and read my first thread if you want.) I never dreamed of what my wedding would be like when I was a little girl or even as a teenager. I dreamed of being married, but not the wedding. And upon getting engaged, I knew I would be doing 95% of the work and I knew we would be on budget, so I was really not looking forward to the research that would go in to planning it.

Finally, after changing our minds 100 different times, I told my FH that I wanted to elope– at that point, I didn’t care who was there or not (I knew the most important people would be there regardless). Anyway, he told me that it was really important to him to have a wedding and have all of our friends and family celebrate with us, so I told him that since it’s mostly what he wants (though I’m sure I’ll be thrilled on the actual day), I need help from him. I know he’s not a planner, so we compromised that he would take other things (chores, etc) off my plate so that I wouldn’t be so damn stressed out, and that was nice.

The hardest part for us was deciding what type of wedding we were going to go with (evening party style, sit down dinner, buffet, cake and dessert reception in the park, cocktails and hors doeurves, court house and restaurant after, finding a Bring Your Own Everything location and starting from scratch, etc). There are so many options and it’s SO HARD to choose. Once we finally pinned it down (Sunday noon time ceremony with a brunch buffet reception on a yacht, over at 4pm), everything else fell into place.

All that is to say that there are a couple of things you need to figure out first: BUDGET (though I’m sure you know that) and the type of event you’re going for. After that, it seems that everything else falls into place. By The Way, even working a lot, I think you could plan a wedding in a year if you want to.

Oh, a couple of other things:

1) I’m the type of person that keeps a lot of details private because a) I don’t want to ruin the surprise of the actual day and b) I don’t want to hear complaining if people don’t like my plans. So, in answering questions, I am vague or “We’re not sure yet.”  

2) I have tried to have low expectations for people (aside from FH) so that if they put in effort, it’s a nice surprise rather than the opposite. People don’t start to really get excited until the wedding is about 6 months away.

3) Don’t procrastinate. If you know you’re going to have a slow month at work or something, get stuff for the wedding done.

4) WAIT TO PICK YOUR Bridal Party, especially if the wedding is not going to be for two years. If you change your mind and decide to do it next year, maybe take the summer to really think about your Bridal Party (and observe your friends’ actions towards you/ your upcoming wedding), and pick them towards the end of summer. Things change!

5) Probably most important: Don’t second guess yourself. Once you’ve made a decision, move on to the next and unless new information comes to light, don’t revisit those decisions. And along the same vein, be honest with yourself about what you’re dealing with– you may not even really care! I didn’t really care about my flowers so I didn’t make a big deal out of chosing my florist and centerpieces.

Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Just relax and savor your engagement.  Try not to think too much of all the things that need to get done – it might seem a little overwhelming if you’re already focusing on the details this early in the game.  Maybe set some small but realistic goals for you and your fiance to complete each month (or every two months, whatever floats your boat) so that things are getting done but not overhwelming.  Maybe take a month or so to figure out a date and then maybe in another month or so after that, figure out a venue, etc.

Also, if it’s possible, get a wedding planner or a really organized friend or a friend who is really into weddings to help you.  That might minimize the stress factor. 

Don’t worry, everything usually turns out one way or another.  Remember, relax but don’t procrastinate.  Best wishes and happy planning πŸ™‚

Post # 9
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

A wedding is whatever you choose to make of it (as a couple, he should totally help because it really is a chore!).  Maybe a low key but formal dinner is a good idea for you, depending on how big including family makes your guest list.

You could rent out a room at a restaurant you love, have an officiant perform your ceremony right there, and move seamlessly into the dinner and mingling. It would sort of be like mixing an elopement with a wedding, and you could meet with the restaurant beforehand to just provide a small menu for the guests to select from (depending on the # of guests). 

Just take a little time to breathe, enjoy snuggling up with your fiance, and talk about what you to would like, who will contribute and how, and split up the tasks to make it happen. I hope you find out that you love a few of the aspects of planning, and that you really enjoy your engagement and your wedding!

Post # 10
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

first relax….  then decide if you want people to “celebrate” or actually see you “unify”

if you can elope and then just have a party when you return do it! 

Just remember, this is about YOU and YOUR PARTNER!!!! thats it, everyone else should feel honored to be a part of it.

Decide what is important.  and then go for it.  If a huge affair isn’t for you, dont do it.  You will (unfortunately) have lots of advice and suggestions one what you should or shouldn’t do.  People will step in meaning well but in reality you just wanna say F U sometimes… and thats okay.

As long as you remember that this is about YOU and YOUR PARTNER you will be alright:)  so whatever you 2 what is what is important, anything else is just a bonus for others;)

I have been married for 18 years come Sunday.  Our first wedding was about us.  I am now planning our 20th anniversary Vow Renewal, which is also about us, but we have grown alot together.  So I am going all out this time, but its because this is what I want.  Others think I’m nuts for having the ‘wedding of my dreams’ but its  my time.  its not their time!  when their time comes then htey can have it…. 

Just keep everything in perspective, thats the easiest way, i have found, to not get stressed out. 

Good Luck and I hope you can enjoy the process:)

Ronney

Post # 11
Member
14496 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I completely agree with @JenniMichele:, the only thing that I would add is something to help you get started.  I suggest Martha Stuart wedding tools.  When I started planning, her budget tool helped me a ton and now with invitations going out her guest list and seating charts are a huge help.

Post # 12
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@dragonlover: Depending on your budget you can always do a wedding with disney. Maybe one of those escape packages: around 25 people, I think you get to pick a destination etc. I’ve seen some brides do it for like 6,000 dollars. Just a thought. And they handle everything. You tell them the colors, pick a few items, and bam it’s done–you don’t think about it for six months.

Post # 13
Member
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Don’t worry, I felt like that too! I never dreamed about weddings even though I’m usually pretty girly.

Sit down and make a list of who you want to include in your wedding and then take that number and start venue searching. Whatever venue you fall in love with will give you lots of inspiration for how to plan the rest of the wedding.

It gets easier!

Post # 14
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

First and most importantly, ::HUGS::

Now that we have that out of the way, you do need to take a deep breath and remember that it really is all about you and DragonBoy. Don’t let anyone, even well meaning friends and family, get in the way of you having the wedding that you deserve.

My advice? Start small and DELEGATE. You have plenty of friends and family around that are going to be more than willing to help you out, even if they are long distance. You do NOT have to do this alone. This is why you have a wedding party, they are the friends/family members you and DragonBoy rely upon for support and companionship outside of wedding planning, so why not with wedding planning? Heck, get the boy to do some of the legwork when his schedule permits. If he is as excited as I imagine he is and he has a lot of ideas already about what he wants, let him take those ideas and run with them. There is NO rule that says the wedding has to be planned entirely by the bride! Well, obviously the bride needs to approve of everything, but let others do the grunt work! πŸ™‚

Also, start small. Break things down into small tasks that can be managed quickly and spread them out over time. 11 months to a year is a lot of time to plan, just do one or two small things a week and befor eyou know it, the wedding is planned! Besides, a lot of “big” items cause many smaller ones to fall into place. For example, sometimes choosing a venue means that you have already chosen a caterer or florist or baker. I would definitely try to find a venue/caterer that is as all inclusive as possible. That just means that there is that much less about which to worry!

Above all though, call on your friends. They want to help but likely don’t know with what you need help!

Post # 15
Member
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Let me just say that you are so not alone. I could have written almost this exact post.

My advice is kind of based off of what’s working for me: like a couple of people have said, take a breath. In, out–maybe for a couple of weeks. When people bug you about setting a date, just say you’re not sure yet. Don’t promise to let them know. Even if it’s someone you know you’re going to invite, they don’t need to know. Think about weddings you’ve been to and liked, try not to worry about what it “should be”, i.e. a “well choreographed party for x number of people”. Let that go. Personally, I’m not into the whole “it’s my special day!” thing, but maybe take that and turn it into “this is our wedding, and it can be any way we want it to be”.

Weirdly enough, one thing that helped me start to get my feet on the ground about it was writing up a guest list and realizing that I didn’t need to have way more people there than I wanted. Maybe set some ground rules about who you will and won’t invite. There are some good planning/budgeting tools out there to help break everything down and make it seem less overwhelming, I like weddingwire.com.

Just breathe, give yourself room to be however you want to be about it. You’ll do great.

Post # 16
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I, too, am about two weeks engaged and feel as if I could have written the same post as you.  The, “So, have you set a date?!!” question is REALLY getting old.  Particularly 4 days after we were engaged.  Do people not think before they open up their mouths?  Or do they honestly think you can scope out and nail down venues (for us, internationally) under 96 hours?  

 

I feel as if I am the anti-bride….even though my family (6 hours away) tends to think I am the complete opposite and can’t wait to go dress shopping, pick out colors, etc.  I want simple and can already feel the strain, which I think is why it’s been two weeks and my Fiance and I have been dragging our feet.    Ugh.  Sorry to hijack the thread…totally feel your pain, dragonlover.  I trust it will get better.  Keep your chin up.

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