(Closed) Newly married but he couldn't "perform" last two nights..

posted 5 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

this is VERY normal! I was also married at 22 to a 26 year old man. We have been married for a few years now and the same thing has happened to us. I think sometimes their bodies just don’t react how they want them to! They, unlike us, can’t really fake it. I’ve noticed that my husband will go through small phases where he has trouble executing. It probably has to do with outside factors like stress.

I have reacted in different ways depending on my mood. Sometimes Im like hey no big deal, don’t worry about it. A few times, however, I have unfortunately gotten a bit irritated if we have been trying for a while and I’ve put a shit ton of work into getting him off.

I wouldn’t worry about it though. You reacted in a fantastic way and just remember that he IS attracted to you but sometimes his body is just not going to cooperate.

Post # 3
3470 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

It is ABSOLUTELY normal!!! My husband has gone throug this too, the same way sometimes women are totally into it, but are bone dry, men can be the same way.  Sometimes your organs just don’t respond to what the brain is sending. 

Honestly, it happened last night BECAUSE of the pressures of the night before. Men are highly sensitive to this particular issue (obviously) and if it was his first time, and the pressure from trying immediately after probably caused the same issue.  

My sex drive is WAY higher than my husband’s and I literally always initiate things, so when this happens it’s always a bummer but all you really can do is say “no big deal” sometimes I’ll even give him a BJ or something to take the pressure to perform off him.  Sometimes that’ll work and he can hold it, other times he’ll tell me he’s just not into it, and that’s ok too.  After almost 9 years together it’s still always a little awkward logistically to end when he hasn’t “finished” but you just breeze through it and go on about your day/night.  

The thing you have to remember is that it has NOTHING to do with you.  Seriously, there are so many factors that play into ED, but his physical attraction to you isn’t one of them! It could be stress, exhaustion, nutrition, or an underlying health condition.  Just give him some time to sort through the mental side of things, and if the probelm doesn’t go away after a few more times, suggest that he call his doctor. 

Post # 4
297 posts
Helper bee

So normal. My Boyfriend or Best Friend had an inner ear infection that he didn’t know about and he couldn’t perform for a few nights. We had no idea what was going on and even when he was diagnosed and put on anti-biotics/steroid drops we didn’t put the two together. As soon as the infection cleared he was back up and running.

Just a suggestion, maybe use this time to put the focus on him pleasing you without actual intercourse? That way there is no pressure because you are not expecting “any” and in turn, that might help him get aroused without him trying.

Post # 5
603 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

This is absolutely normal. Even the highest-performing guys still are not on their game 100% of the time. Stress, nerves, health, even just getting into their own heads too much (no pun intended) can ruin the moment. I am 99.99999% sure it is not you!

Post # 6
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
katelew:  Nerves, stress, sleeplessness can all contribute to that and it’s totally normal. My Fiance honestly had some issues when we first started being intimate which really was because he was so nervous and felt pressured to perform and was too much in his own head.

It’s happened everyonce in a while and while it’s easy to be self conscious about it, it’s not about you, it’s about him and probably stress, nerves, etc… He initiated didn’t he? He desires you ๐Ÿ™‚

Guys just psych themselves out sometimes, take a few days off with no pressure and then have at it once you’re well rested and comfortable and I’m sure he won’t keep his hands off you!

Post # 7
264 posts
Helper bee

Yes, so normal! Not a big deal. Just make sure you don’t take it personally. It could totally be nerves or stress. Sometimes guys can get too far into their own heads, thinking too much about keeping it going… so much that they end up kind of forgetting about making you happy too. Just be patient, show him love, and know that these things go away on their own usually ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 9
168 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply

Ms. OP, I think your DH is just tired or something is on his mind. Some days, men are tired at work and they just not in the mood for sex. That doens’t mean they doesn’t love you, it just one of those days…. I don’t know what your DH job is so I can’t comment, BUT it probably just something at work that he stress out about. If he still is a good husband, still affectionate to you everyday outside of bed, then everything is fine…. Give it another couple days and see, I bet it all goes back to normal.

I hope this make you feel better, but my husband works 2 jobs and BOTH are “Physical labor” jobs: he is a Local truck driver, and work at the Warehouse…. You probably can picture how ‘physically’ tired my husband is from all the loading/unloading Heavy stuff all day…. When he come home, all I want him to do is shower, eat and rest…. Sometimes he works overnight too, so those night I don’t even get to see him, let alone sex, Lol!!

btw, my husband is the only guy I been with, and we are newlywed too. We do try to have sex as much as we can when we together, but I understand his jobs. Even if tonight we don’t have sex, tomorrow night we will, perhaps I just have low sex drive…. But we as wives, we just have to be understanding to our husband jobs.

My husband do put in alot of effort to make me feel love, and that is all I needed. Everyday when he come home from work; right when he walk in the door, he would give me a long kiss…. And everytime we in bed together, sex or not. Haha, I always get a butt cheek kiss from him, LOL!!… Hey, I know he loves me. I don’t need the steamy, all day all night ‘sex’ in order to feel his love…. I actually feel bad for my hubby, his jobs are physically tired and he still so affectionate to me, poor guy.

Post # 10
1037 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Merritt Winery

Omg, this is totally normal! You are in your 20s. So let’s just say you have 50 years together.  Just imagine how much sex you will be having in your lifetime together. Now imagine the odds of every single one of those times being good, seriously! There will be times you will be unable to perform or reach orgasm and the same goes for him. Relax. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you and if you were unable to get there, it wouldn’t mean you didn’t want him. Our bodies don’t always do what we want them do to. Good luck and have fun!

Post # 12
6414 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
katelew:  You know sometimes stress and being exhausted can really do it.  Whenever my husband and I feel like we’re being dragged through the ground from exhaustion, the last thing we think of is having sex, even though we do want it.  we just can’t keep up.

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