- 1 year ago
- Wedding: June 2018
Hi everyone! My name is Led and I’m new to this site! I was hoping to come to a nice forum for some help because my mind has been screaming for answers to these endless questions and thoughts that have been bottled up. I would talk to a counselor or something but honestly typing is easier for what I’m about to ask help for. I hope anyone can help me, I want my marriage to work and will take all advice!
To start, I need to do a quick background. I was sexually abused as a child so I never sought out any relationships and felt more comfortable being by myself and avoiding all forms of intimacy etc. I meant a guy who is very stubborn and stayed with me (dating) for 6 years despite me avoiding all types of intimacy. I honestly kept waiting for him to back out thinking “how could anyone love me” and just kind of went with the flow. It was a long distance relationship so it made not having to kiss, hold hands, etc. a lot easier.
Moving on, we got married in April and on the day we were going to the courthouse I kept telling him, now’s your chance to back out, but he never did so we ended up being married. I really did not want to get married but I said yes because of my past I developed the inability to say no. Don’t get me wrong, I love him and he has done so much for me, but I didn’t want to get married because I know he deserves so much better then myself.
Okay so now the problem, it seems he wants sex all the time (content moderated) , I’ll give you a days example. I’m trying to sleep and he’ll roll over, hug on to me and push his erection against me and start asking: are you awake, this is unfortunate (about his erection), and sometimes he’ll take my hand and put it on his erection–he does this pretty much every morning when I just want to sleep. Then I decide just to wake up because I start to feel really uncomfortable because it is still strange to me to be so close to anyone. I’ll go to the bathroom and get showered and ready for the day, if I don’t lock the door he will come in grind up against me and try to grab onto my breast until I tell him to stop I’m trying to get ready–then he’ll go away and just come back in 5 minutes and do the same thing.
Once I’m ready I don’t like to get back in bed because I’m all clean and stuff but if I go anywhere near it he will pick me up, throw me on the bed and start touching me and stuff. So I’m able to scramble out of bed and we leave for whatever. Throughout the whole day he will 100% every time slap by butt if I walk in front of him, regardless of where we are; he will also always always make innuendos and sex jokes etc. I don’t really mind the jokes, I make them too but what bothers me is he does it so much it seems he doesn’t want to even be out with me and would rather stay home and have sex.
We go home and watch a movie and again, he’ll try to grope my breast while we are cuddling, I eventually just give up the movie and we have sex and once done I’ll try to sleep but he’ll just want to do it again in 30 minutes. I don’t mind sex, I still feel very uncomfortable and have to close my eyes and avoid certain things and to avoid having flashbacks but all he seems to want to do is have sex and sometimes I just need my space to calm my head. All the constant groping makes me feel like I’m a child again and that is what I’m there for–to be sex toy. I know he loves me but sometimes I wish he would just give me a hug and a small kiss (and not want to go to bed and make out which he is always asking for) and just leave it at that. I feel so overwhelmed by all the groping, I don’t want to be mean, but he is like a leech. It is starting to take away the enjoyment of sex because I’m starting to get bothered by the constant attachment and it’s making me not want to have sex with him.
I’m trying to work on igniting holding hands or cuddling more, it is something that will take time but I’m trying but I don’t even try anymore because I know he will just want to go further and start groping again. Am I’m being selfish? I don’t want to be a bad wife for him, I’m way to lucky to have him, that’s why I won’t talk about this with him is because I don’t want him to be mad. Should I just ignore my discomfort and bare with it and let him do whatever he wants? But I’ll just end up standing there on the verge of tears letting him do what he wants and I’m afraid I’m going to end up resenting him and start seeing him like those who hurt me and I never want that to happen, but I also don’t want to lose him. What is a normal amount of intimacy? I’m sorry for the long post but I just don’t know what to do. I’m starting to feel really depressed and really need help because I have no experience in a “normal” relationship and what’s “normal” I don’t know what I should do.
Thank you so much for taking the time to ready this lengthy post.