(Closed) Newly Married…and Darn Tired

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I feel like I’ve seen a few threads recently about newlyweds who hadn’t lived together before the wedding and their current struggles. My Fiance and I had a rough patch when we moved in together as well. You guys have a lot of stressors at the moment — job loss, living with your parents (yikes!), and living together for the first time. Do you feel like you could go to him and ask him to work on these issues together? Or perhaps with the help of a counselor? I know that Fiance and I have been really growing (because of struggle!) with our communication skills because of the stress of wedding planning, but first we had to realize that we were having problems and choose to work on them as a couple.

I think that’s when I realized what a big part of being married is about: choosing to work through conflict together. 

Good luck!

ETA: One more thing — I also felt like Fiance wasn’t hearing me, so we started to practice “active listening” during our conflict discussions. I say something I’m upset about, and he says, “Okay, so what I hear you saying is…” and he restates my concern. It sounds really stupid, but it’s really been working for us!

Post # 4
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Is he working? Do you feel like the complaints are from the fact that he is working abd you arent? I think that your issues arebeing caused by the fact that you guys are so stressed about your current living situation.

I’m sending you lots of prayers for your marriage. Please don’t consider divorce over something so minor.

Post # 5
1272 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@TheMrs77:  gosh, you poor thing. this sounds incredibly unpleasant, and I can only imagine that it must be made worse by living with your parents – for both of you.

I know that having an argument with my hubby is a hundred times worse when we are visiting his parents than when we are at home, because I feel like i need to put on a ‘happy face’ while i’m with the family, and then I store everything up until I explode when we are alone. Perhaps you need a day trip, or a weekend away, to sort through everything??

You say he ‘doesn’t seem to see it’, but my guess is, if it is as bad you say, he most probably does, just doesn’t know what to do about it…

Post # 6
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

No wonder things are going terrible! You lost your job, newly married, first time living together and live at his parents house. Those are a lot of adjustments/role changes! I would think you were crazy if you were not experiencing those emotions/hardships. 

If you like to read, I recommend these books

The Five Love Languages

Mars and Venus Together Forever

What No One Tells the Bride

Don’t give up! You are under a lot of stress and changes that are only temporary.

Post # 9
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I agree with the others… you have a lot of stressors in your life.  It’s no wonder you’re at the end of your rope…  But I think you might be jumping the gun – assuming that marriage is horrible.  I think you’re just in a bad place right now, and once removed you might feel different.  

You need an outlet…whether that be a kickboxing class, or counseling…you need someone or someplace where you can vent your frustrations.  

It sounds like right now, you’re taking it out on your relationship.  Hang on to the knowledge that things will get better…

You can always vent to the Bees!

Post # 10
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Fiance aren’t married yet but we have lived together for 2.5 years now.  I have to say, the first 6-8 months of living together was really rough–and we both had jobs and our own place, so you have a ton more stressors than we did.  It was really rough on both of us and at times, I didn’t know if we’d make it but you just have to push through.  After you get over that hump, things will be a lot better.

One thing I did when I seemed to not be able to get through to my Fiance is I wrote him a letter explaining my issues with things.  I let him read it, think about it, and then come talk to me about it.  It seemed to work because there wasn’t any way to argue about anything through a letter.  Try that.  I would also just take a walk when we were arguing.  I would just excuse myself from the disagreement, take a 20 minute walk and come back and talk things out more calmly.  Those two things got us through it.  Living together is tough–there’s a ton of adjustments. 

Keep on keepin on!

Post # 11
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@MrsElopement:  i agree.  great advise on those books.

Post # 12
4 posts
  • Wedding: July 2011

@TheMrs77:  I am experiencing similar issues with my husband. Although we aren’t living with my parents, I recently transferred jobs and its hard work. I come home exhausted. My husband isn’t happy with his job so with all that being said it puts a strain on our relationship. We are both stressed. We had big fight and I basically told him here are your options you either change this behavior or I’m done. We’re working on it. It’s hard at times but for the most part things are better. It’s just really hard with the situation with our jobs. I wish you the best of luck.

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