Post # 1
after many months of not getting along with my SO we have finally decided to call it quits. We had a few close calls where we almost broke up but I stayed, but this is different. I have a date and a plan. I’m moving out Nov. 1st, I have movers coming and I’m living with a amazing older lady from work for a few months while I get back in my feet. Mostly for emotional support. Luckily him and I won’t see each other much until then as we both work out of town partly.
My problem is nightime. I’m so lonely at night. During the day I’m working my fast paced job which I love, so I’m occupied. but at night I don’t get that goodnight phone call from him anymore. or that kiss and cuddle if we are both home that night. It’s just me and my thoughts. Myself and my tears.
I know logically this breakup is for the better, and I don’t want to change that. however all the distractions during the day won’t save me at night, when I’m alone. That’s when the tears come. I really want to rush past all this hurt and move on quick, but I know life isn’t like that. Any suggestions to help me at this time Bees?
Post # 3
@Peachytalk: I think it’s best to let it hurt. Don’t cover it up because then it will never really be over. Don’t go out and sleep with a bunch of random dudes, don’t become an alcoholic. Just let it hurt. Watch sad movies. Watch funny movies. Call up one of your girlfriends that you never get to talk to anymore because you’ve both been too busy. Paint your toe nails. Read a book. Do what you need to.
And of course, you always have us.
Post # 4
@Peachytalk: i know exactly how you feel hun. After my separation i felt relief but also loss,despite knowing it was absolutely the right move.
By day i was fine,kept busy with work and kids,by night i was…well lonely i guess. so i made plans. i filled my days literally by a timetable! it gave me focus and structure. this was harder in the evenings though and thats when i needed it the most. so in the evenings i concentrated on myself.
i gave myself manicures and pedicures. showered and did my hair in the evenings rather than the day, i took up horse riding again and in the evenings i spent time googling things that would help with learning about the tack,grooming etc. i got a few good books (its called a break up because its broken and he’s just not that into you HIGHLY recommended!) i got back in touch with old friends,one i hadnt spoken to in years!
And you know what? i slept BETTER! by the time i got to bed my thoughts were not about what was missing, but about all the things i had done that day,the conversations id had and my plans for the next day.
it does get easier but it takes time. if you want to cry,then cry! let all the emotions out and dont bottle them in.
wishing you all the very best of luck xxx
Post # 5
I suggest reading “Getting Past Your Break Up” by Susan Elliott
Post # 6
Feel the pain, cry your heart out and hold tightly to the pillows. Distractions are a great temporary help but they only cover the emotions, giving them a chance to resurface later on at a much more inconvenient time.
its hard but let yourself sulk, get a tub of ice cream and eat in bed, stay in pjs on teww weekend and let yourself feel the pain so you can move on in a healthy way
Post # 7
I got a cat! My cat wound up being better at cudding, anyway!
Post # 8
Unfortunately I agree with PPs, you can’t get around this… you have to go through it, otherwise you won’t be able to put it behind you and move on.
But while you are feeling these sad emotions, you CAN take extra good loving care of yourself. I am sorry you are hurting right now!
Post # 9
@boogiewoogies: thanks for the support
@stronger-now1: that’s exactly it, it feels like a relief but also a loss.
@MrsWe: I will look for that at the book store
@Mrslovebug: yes exactly, I don’t want to repress anything at the same time.
@BrandNewBride: I love cats! My new roomie has a dog so he will become my new cuddle buddy if he likes it or not!
@BelliniChic: thanks, you always have good advice!
Post # 10
@Peachytalk: I have been through this before- and I’ve handled it in 2 different ways.
The first- I decided to drink a lot. I don’t mean I wasn’t functioning properly or anything, I just decided each night after work would include beer or alcohol- and I wrote a lot. This was when I was younger. This break-up literally came out of nowhere- there were no signs, my BF at the time had called me up right when I was done at work and said he wanted to catcha movie and dinner. It caught me by surprise. He came over, and proceeded to break up with me for what turned out to be a younger girl- then came crawling back a few months later.
The second time- I shouldn’t have even been heart broken, but sometimes the heart rules and makes funny decisions. I grabbed my best friend and had him stay with me for a week. We specifically didn’t have any outtings that included alcohol- even just a few drinks and what was a happy night I feared would turn into me being teary eyed and emotional. We watched movies, and he just kept me company the whole time, except when we both had to work. Then we’d meet up again after work and he’d stay on my sofa each night. The goal? Distraction. I needed to be able to distract my thoughts enough to start focusing on other things, hobbies, people- instead of letting my heart/mind get the best of me and let that so-called heart break take over. And it really worked. Sounds simple, I know, but it worked.
And to some people who are “adults” it might sound stupid or childish- but it’s exactly what I needed, and it helped me realize that there was a lot more to life.
Right around the time I was done mourning (10 days after the initial break)- we (my bestie + I) went out for the night- and we ran into my ex. And I felt so much stronger- it was nothing.
Part of it is distraction, part of it is time- time will allow you to realize that even though you miss the cuddles and the night time phone calls, you’re also away from the negative thing that caused the break-up in the first place.
Post # 11
@Peachytalk: take your time to grieve. time heals. definitely keep yourself busy so that when you are alone you will be filled with thoughts of your day or what’s coming up next. maybe start a new hobby or join a new club to meet some new people and keep you occupied. just remember to never give up hope.
Post # 12
It’s hard. It’s painful. It’s emotional. Even when you know it’s the right thing to do. Give yourself permission to experience whatever feelings you have.
Post # 13
- Wedding: March 2014 - Glen Sanders Mansion
@Peachytalk: night is always the worst when you’re recovering from a breakup. It’s hard but it will get better! Lots of hugs and pRayers your way. It may help to write things down journal style.
Post # 14
@Peachytalk: Just know that most of us have been through it and survived. I know I feel stronger for all the pain I’ve been through and the tears I’ve cried. Healthy distraction is good, but only thing that really helps is time. With time you will enjoy your independence and ability to do what you want when you want to.
But during those awful, pitiful, whoa’s me time, just say “This is making me stronger and better”
PS- make sure to write a llist of all the reasons you and SO brokeup. That way when you have the 2am Blues and think you cannot survive without him, you can refer back to that list.