- Miss Sorbet
- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 1999
I already know this is going to sound like a ridiculous situation.
My ex-husband and I separated around 3 months ago. It has been an extremely difficult time in my life, besides the fact that divorce is HARD, I have had very very little support from my family. They LOVE my ex and they always will. He is a good guy, I will admit that, but he has been so nasty to me since the split. I’ve told my family very little of this because I don’t want to bad-mouth him…he has told them a LOT about me though because he likes to stir things up when he gets angry and “tattle on” me.
Anyway, I moved out and stayed with my grandmother for about a month. I was an hour away and that was driving my ex crazy, not knowing what I was up to every second. We were still on the same cell phone plan and he bought Verizon’s “family locator” thing so he could track my location whenever he wanted. This was making me a nervous wreck. I wasn’t doing anything wrong but I had left him…he didn’t need to know where I was every single moment. I also discovered that he had put a spy program on my computer that allowed him to view my screen from his and saved everything that I typed. All of that as well as some extremely insulting phone calls and texts that left me in tears and unable to breathe actually caused my grandma, who loves him more than just about ANYONE (I’ve always joked that she loves him more than she loves me), to speak to him and tell him that he needed to leave me alone. He was ashamed and embarrassed after that and he backed off for…a few days.
I did get on my own cell phone plan and take that program off of my computer.
I know that leaving was 100% the right thing for me. I have felt so incredibly happy and free since I left (when he’s not trying to force his way into my life). I won’t get into the details of our problems (because it’d be novel-length) but there were some really unhealthy things going on. He did not want to separate though, and every time he gets sad and lonely he starts calling or texting the most horrible things to me. Calling me names, telling me that no one will ever love me the way he does, telling me that I am nothing without him, that I have always been nothing and I’ll be even lower when I’m on my own…these things cut very deeply. I am just always a mess, I’ve been having panic attacks and I just can’t handle it when he starts berating me. It’s getting worse and worse.
He is still very much a part of my life right now because we’re still splitting up things from the house, and also my family is very close to him. They keep inviting him to dinners and such. They love him and he doesn’t have family of his own so I can’t imagine taking that away from him. But I have my family in my ear encouraging me to talk to him and be kind because he’s only “acting out” because he’s sad and hurt because of ME…and it makes me feel terribly guilty and like I am an awful person for hurting him. It’s all a huge internal conflict for me.
Next week he is moving out of the home we shared together and today we had a big garage sale to downsize. A lot of the things still at the house were ours together so he agreed that we could have a garage sale and split the profits. Initially I was just going to do the sale at his house with him not there, but then he decided to be there.
Spending part of the day with him was an awful idea. I was outside selling things when I realized I hadn’t seen him for about 20 minutes. I went inside and he looked up at me and proceeded to flip out. He had gotten my phone and read my text messages. I have a lock on it and I am STILL not sure how he got into my phone, but he did. I have been “talking” to an acquaintance for a couple of weeks now, I’m not really interested in dating yet but he’s been nice to talk to. There were some very flirty messages as well as a few sexually explicit ones. My ex made me feel like absolute sh*t and made a huge scene and I found myself feeling SO guilty…but then I realized that I DON’T HAVE TO FEEL THAT WAY. I am single now. Now I am just so mad that he read my private text messages and I’m so tired of feeling like I have to sneak around so he won’t find out what I’m doing from my family and freak out on me and I’m just so tired of him freaking out on me in general. It happens at LEAST once a week, often more.
I don’t really know what the point of this was, just to vent I guess, and I am so sorry that it’s so long. I know that it is probably time to cut him out of my life, and I am ok with that, I have just been trying to be so kind and understanding for his sake because it is “my” fault that his world has been turned upside down. Everyone just sees him as this wonderful person and I’m the villain who ruined his life. I feel very abandoned and alone.