Post # 1
It started with stumbling across the famed engagement chicken recipe via a yahoo shine article. From there, it spiraled and I wound up on weddingbee, compulsively looking at wedding stuff and reading other bee’s waiting experiences. At first I thought registering for weddingbee was ridiculous. But as I kept reading posts and responses, I realized it’s a great outlet for moments in waiting.
Back to the engagement chicken…I made it a couple weeks ago on a Friday. The entire time I wanted to blurt out what exactly that succulent bird had stuffed in it’s cavity aside from herbs..magical powers to make him propose, right? I kept my mouth shut and full of chicken, but the rest of the weeked I couldn’t stop thinking about having “the timeline talk” or something like it.
Finally, the following Sunday night, I tried to casually mention that we’d been living together for about a year and I was ‘wondering’ when the next step in the relationship would come. The short answer was “soon” and a little more probing led to “definitely within a year.” At the time I wanted to squeal like little pig and make some kind of public declaration that a year was indeed, soon. I wanted to make a crazy facebook post that I’d be engaged by my 27th bday and married around my 28th. Of course I kept my internal joy to myself and unsuccessfully tried to fall asleep after that. I didn’t probe farther than asking if it’d be within a year because I know he like to surprise me. I told him “maybe someone here should start saving for…something.” And he responded “maybe someone already started saving and someone else here is ruining the surprise.”
Now that the timeline’s been stated, it’s only fanned the flames of crazy inside my head and I can’t stop wondering when and what kind of ring, and WHEN. I can’t stop looking at the calendar for significant events and even though I 90% know it won’t be on my birthday (this month) I keep looking for “hints.”
It’s the strangest feeling, waiting. Every other step of the relationship is a joint decision, and suddenly, the one major one is up to him. The anticipation, the anxiousness, the multiple browser windows to hide weddingbee…
Indulge me here, ladies. What have your timeline discussions yielded?
Post # 3
Haha, we’ll see what my “timeline discussion yields” in a few months 🙂
But seriously, for me it the timeline discussion was valuable to find out that we were on the same page. Or not. And seeing if/how we were willing to work through it, since our timelines did not match up. To REALLY listen to his thoughts and concerns, without taking it personally. This took a few times, by the way. At first I was just so nervous to be talking about it that I realized I wasn’t fully listening. It gave me an opportunity to break the taboo that maybe we weren’t on the same page. And find courage within myself that what I wanted was right, important to me, and that I wouldn’t wait indefinitely.
And really, this one major decision isn’t *completely* up to him. You decide together if you want to get married. 99% of the time, the proposal is not a complete surprise. Also, looking at the guy’s side of things: he may be in control of the timing of the proposal, but you have the power to accept or reject him. Which is scary. Even guys who know their GFs will say “yes” get a little nervous. Because you can never know 100%.
Post # 4
Welcome to the waiting board, yaneres!
Let me just say – you’re probably much closer to the proposal than I am, so lucky you!!
For me, the discussions about our timeline have been many. For a while I thought that SO was going to lose it on me because I kept bringing it up. But, over the past few months (this summer has involved a lot of talk about engagement/marriage for us) he has totally come around and is now super excited about talking about our future and doesn’t get so tense anymore.
Most recently, we went to visit his dad out of town, and he and I were talking before bed that night about all our hopes for the future. I let him know straight up that I didn’t want us to move in together next year or the year after if we weren’t engaged. He responded much quicker than I thought he ever would with, “Let’s make a definite plan for our wedding (date) before we move in together, then.” I was soooo excited!!!! Honestly, he is the most stubborn person I know besides myself, so the fact that he was so open to this idea now just had me in total shock. So I haven’t brought it up since, but the other day was pretty cute too. His stepdad makes pottery, and there is this place just outside of town where they have a pottery studio, as well as a few other amenities, that my SO said was really beautiful. He was describing it, and I found myself saying out loud “That sounds like a nice place for…” and then I stopped myself. And he said “What? A wedding?” and I nodded. Later on, I went to their website and was looking at photos and found out that they do have weddings out there (as the family also has a catering company). I told SO this later on, and he said “Well, there ya go!” and told me he’d take me out there sometime so I could see what I think of it. Ahhhh!!!!
So, it’s an exciting, albeit sometimes unbearable, time for all of us. I’m curious to know what the other ladies have to say, too. 🙂
Post # 5
“maybe someone already started saving and someone else here is ruining the surprise.” Hahaha! That sounds promising! I know how you feel, though. It’s driven me crazy that the only think Boyfriend or Best Friend and I can’t talk about is this huge event that I want so badly, and that’s completely out of my hands.
I had to bring it up a few times before he gave me a timeline that I felt like I could deal with. About a year ago he said something similar to yours – “soon” and that he was saving. After Christmas, New Year’s, Valentine’s, and my birthday had passed – with me trying to be patient and not bug him – I blew up a little and told him how anxious I felt. He was pretty understanding about it – he said “Would it help if I gave you a season? OK – summer.” Having a definite time period to look forward to helped a lot. I actually spent the next few months not thinking about it much at all, believe it or not. Of course now that it IS summer (and not for much longer), I’m back to crazy mode…
Post # 6
I feel the same way!! With us, it started with some casual convos and vague answers, but eventually I got the “by next year” date, and this was early this year, so it was kind of depressing that it could really be close to 2 yrs away. Then, some time and several conversations later, i got a better timeline–by my next bday (may). We are looking at houses, and he knows i wont move in until we are engaged, and he wants a house by jan/feb next year. So every time the house subject comes up, by default the ring subject comes up too. he has said the same thing to me, “I don’t want to give out any more info bc i dont want to ruin the surprise.” He says that this is his thing, which it is, but it is SO hard to be left in the dark for this!! and I dont want to make him do it sooner than he wants bc im prying too much, but at the same time, i dont want to get to 5 yrs with no ring!!
He has a general idea of what type of ring i want, and i told him to talk to my sisters-they know what i want. But i feel like I am still in the dark about it all and it is so hard!! I sometimes wonder if the guys shoot waaaay further ahead than they plan when they tell us their tenative date–this way they can try to surprise us. We can only hope!!
Post # 7
I still havent gotten a specific “timeline” as such. The last conversation we had (AKA the one where he finally realised I was serious about getting married) he said he understood now and wouldn’t keep me waiting for too long. But a year? 2 years? who knows!
I know what you mean though… every other part of the relationship is a joint decision but this one we are at the mercy of when our boys decide to ask the question! It drives me nuts! I’ve considered asking, but really… I want him to ask!
Post # 8
@Lalai: “Would it help if I gave you a season? OK – summer.”
Mine did the EXACT same thing, but now has admitted that the plan has been thrown off.
It seems like a common thing we are told is, “soon”. I think it’s a new four lettered word.
Post # 9
all my fiance told me was before i was 23 and thats it!!! i played the game well and it paid off!!!
Post # 10
Thanks for the empahthy, all!
@Shoe: LOL! S-o-o-n as a four letter word for those in waiting. Too true. To me, “soon” means like, tomorrow. Good thing I’d already lurked around weddingbee to know that a guy’s version of “soon” can mean a lot of things, which is why I asked for an actual time period (but still didn’t get very much info)
@Lalai: Aw, that’s too bad you had to wait through so many holidays and all those “this might be it” moments. BUT I think I saw you post that he ordered a ring! Congrats!
@DreamingBee: Oh yes, it’s definitely a joint decision to head towards marriage, but the actual execution of the proposal is in his court. It really was nerve-wracking, though, to bring up a concrete timeline for the first time. Up to then it’d been all abstract and felt like make believe.
@florence: Lucky you! Your guy knows and fully accepts that you’re mentally planning the wedding.
@yellowlinedpage: Wow, a house and proposal within the same year?! That sounds like a lottt of talking 🙂 I so understand what you mean by wanting him to do it soon but not wanting to pry. I’ve never wanted to be “that girl” that nags her bf and drags him to the alter. At the same time, I want to be able to waltz into a jewelry store, pick one out together and be done with it!
@CupcakeLove: Gotta love the vague answers from the guys! “soon,” “not too long.” Gah! I don’t know what that means!
Post # 11
Oh yeah, I forgot to add in the original post that I have read Mr. Bee’s plan. My version of creating “me time” was to up my mileage in running since I’m training for a half marathon, then he came to a couple 5/10k races with me and decided he wanted to run with me! So, while it’s awesome to train and race together…that totally was not the plan!
Post # 12
🙂 I was told within the year and he actually told me it was December… although after more probing I think he is probably throwing me off. But the difference with us is that he wanted me to be involved in every step of the ring process, so while designing and researching and diamond huntings happened, so did our color scheme and venue and catering options… so I am still waiting, but the huge elements of our wedding are tentatively planned out and that definitely took a huge edge off the waiting scheme.
But I would be lying if I said I wasn’t still excited. Even though I know it’s happening and even stranger, happening within three months (EEEEEEEEE!), it still is going to be a perfectly magical moment.
So my advice? Well… you know what, I don’t have any. It’s exciting, and I let it slip over the weeks to friends and family… and so did he. So now everyone knows and I’m still waiting. 🙂 Just enjoy it!
Post # 13
@yaneres: I know what you mean… we both live with our parents still and just want to get out, so that’s why the house thing is so big. but I’m also no dummy–i know trying to buy a house and get it settled AND plan a wedding is not the easiest thing in the world. He keeps saying he has it all budgeted out but it still makes me nervous. I told him i didnt care if we had to live in a cardboard box, i just want to be with him!!!
and yeah, i definitely dont want him to think im dragging him to the altar–i told him many many times that i dont want to do it until HE wants to do it and he assures me that he has wanted to for a while-in fact he thought he was more ready than i was for a while!! ha! but i would like the ring and proposal to be a surprise, as long as he has help picking out the ring 🙂
Post # 14
I know exactly what you are going through, because I am going through it right now! Yesterday we found “the ring” and he said that he was getting it soon. But the engagement is not coming for 6-12 months. It’s such a huge window, its driving me nuts. I can’t imagine how I will be once Feburary rolls around. It seems a little silly too since our close friends and family all know and we even have a date set 😛 Good luck, partner in waiting!
Post # 15
@artlover:It’s a HUGE window! At first I tried to convince myself that 1 year is a tiny fraction compared to spending forever together. But we all know that doesn’t work. On one hand I’d say you’re lucky that you found the ring and an actual timeline window. One the other hand, if I were in your situation I’d constantly be wondering if there could be a “surprise” before 6 months!
I “feel” like the bf would be likely to do it during cold weather, i.e. Christmas/New Years or shortly after.
Here’s to you, waiting buddy. And congratulations in advance 🙂
Post # 16
“maybe someone already started saving and someone else here is ruining the surprise.” – WAY CUTE!!! Sounds like he has the ball rolling!
I can totally relate! Same engagement chicken deal and thinking WeddingBee was ridiculous and now I’m going crazy too and LOVE WeddingBee! LoL.
My Boyfriend or Best Friend moved away, 380 miles 3 weeks ago, before he left we decided we didn’t want to be apart for more than 5 months – meaning married in Jan 2011!!!!! I just spoke with him about it last night – making sure we are still on the same page since it is pretty much up to him now and how his new job is going and he says being married by Jan. 2011 is still very much the plan! EEEEEE!!! He has told all our friends that we will be married in the near future, we have talked to our families about it… now I am just waiting!!! And am very excited! He said, “when the time comes to look at rings then we will look at rings.” I imagine that time will be soon and since we are long distance it really narrows down our shopping/ proposal time! Fun!
Good luck to you! Don’t go too crazy!