(Closed) Newlywed and I've hurt my husband by what i said while sleeping!!!

posted 6 years ago in Wellness
Post # 3
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I can understand your fear but while you may not want to find out what it is or what’s causing it, it’s the first step to “fixing” it.  I don’t think it could be something like Dissociative Identity Disorder, the clinical name for Multiple Personality Disorder, because as you describe it these things only occur at night while you’re sleeping.  To me, and I’m just a student, it sounds like somniloquy (talking in one’s sleep) and night terrors.  A good therapist/sleep clinician will definitely be beneficial to get the issue sorted out and perhaps treated.

Good luck and I hope this helped at least a little bit.

Post # 4
811 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

The first thing you need to do is have a sleep study done. That will tell you a lot and from there you should probably see a therapist.

Are you sure your husband isn’t having his own nightmares and projecting?

Post # 5
4415 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Rivendeler:  I know what you mean — with an old boyfriend, I apparently used to talk in my sleep and say things like “[boyfriend’s name] can never find out about us.” Naturally, the boyfriend was awfully curious about this secret I was keeping, and the conscious version of me hadn’t any clue what unconscious me was talking about!!! Thankfully I seem to have gotten better and stopped doing this, but I have had some horrible dreams lately where I cheat on Darling Husband and spend the rest of the dream trying to keep him from finding out, and I can only imagine what would happen if I talked in my sleep during these awful nightmares Undecided 

Post # 6
1556 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I talk in my sleep sometimes & used to have an ex who would get all worked up about if I said another guy’s name in my sleep. I wouldn’t worry too much about it, it’s only happening when you’re sleeping. Dreams are weird, just becasue you dream something doesn’t mean you want it to happen. Sleeping on my stomach helps too, I don’t talk as much like this and if I do it’s really hard to understand 😉

Post # 11
811 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014



I don’t know if you have insurance or not, but both of my sleep studies were completely 100% covered and I didn’t have to even pay a co-payment.

Post # 13
811 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Oh, then all you have to do is call the 1-800 number on your insurance card and ask for benefits. They’ll let you know right away.

Sleep studies are very uncomfortable because of all the wires attached to your body, but nothing that hurts. The rooms are usually set up like a cheap hotel room with a tv and you usually check in around 8:00 PM unless they want to test your napping sleep too.

Post # 14
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

I had a sleep study done a few months ago and it literally cost $40 for the copay.

I think your husband needs to be educated on the nature of dreams and sleep talking. Things that we say while sleeping should *NEVER* be taken literally.

If you were having a nightmare and said “There’s a monster under my bed” while you were sleeping, would your Darling Husband then check under the bed? If you had a dream in which you said you found a million dollars on the sidewalk, would your Darling Husband check your wallet and ask you where the money went?

I don’t mean to minimize his feelings, and I can understand why this is embarrassing for you, but I think what needs to be emphasized here is that dreams are allegories and fantasies that relate very loosely to what we are going through in real life.

I’ve also heard it said that all of the characters in our dreams are really ourselves in disguise, because that’s the way our psyche works.

I think a counselor or psychotherapist could explain this to both of you in a way that would make both of you feel better.


Here is a book that might help:




Post # 15
19 posts
  • Wedding: October 2013

Woah there.  Deep breaths.  These are dreams, they’re just your subconscience making up images when you sleep, you have little control over them if at all.  I can see your husband being weirded out by the things you say in your sleep but have you had a real conversation about it?  I’m sure when he looks into your eyes it will put his mind at ease because these posts show how much you love him.  You do not have split personality disorder, this happens when you are awake and is a serious condition.  Take time to remind both of yourselves that dreams have no basis in reality.  

Post # 16
3580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Dreams are really just your brains way of excercising how to go about different scenarios. It does not mean, in the least, that you wish for any of this to happen or that it did happen or will happen, but it’s like rehearsing for life.  We actually go through these different scenarios pretty much constantly while we’re asleep.  There might have also been a dream that your husband was the side action and you were married to someone else.  You could have been a lesbian and your husband was the woman.  Your brain just likes to be prepared because we’re wired to defend ourselves against absolutely anything, even weird circumstances played out in dreams…by rehearsing we basically create a path in case this scenario pops up, our decision and actions are that much quicker.  (thank you TED talks!! haha) 

I would immediately stop feeilng guilty about it because it’s simply not fair and or helpful.  And then I would call for a sleep study because you should be able to do all of this silently.

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