(Closed) Newlywed anxiety or real reason to worry?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I will preface this by saying I hate liars. Period. BUT these little things seem innocent enough and if he feels like he’s being judged and he’s going to be embaressed then I can understand why he does it.  Do you flat out ask him these things? Did you eat that whole pizza? Do you look at porn? Did you buy a lottery ticket?  I could honestly see why he might feel uncomfortable and fib about it.

Post # 4
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I agree with @MrsPom.

These seem like fairly innocuous things, but it seems like he may be hiding them because it seems like they set you off.  I always see the p*rn as a don’t ask don’t tell type thing in my relationship, and the lotion thing is sort of cute.  For years, my husband used baby powder on his legs in the summer, and hid it from me because he was embarassed.  I noticed one day because of the smell and didn’t say anything  😉  The lottery ticket thing also sounds fairly benign.  Maybe I am just an overly easygoing person.

Post # 6
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think he might lie also cause of your  reaction to the small things already.

 

Post # 7
Member
1026 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I think it’s a little of both. Every relationship has issues, these seem fairly minor and things that can be worked out. I think people panic when their relationship is not “perfect” but honestly, nobodies it. 

Post # 8
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I know my husband has lied to me about having a beer or buying cigaretts which I hate but that doesnt mean i automatically think of him with other females, I think youre letting your mind get the best of you.

Post # 9
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@lovelymayday:  Exactly.

 

@KPcosmos:  It seems like you’re on his case about little things so he feels like he has to lie because he feels judged.  Think about that… he doesn’t feel like he can be totally open and honest with you for some reason.  As far as him lying about major things I think that is totally different than this, you are talking about cheating and that’s a whole different level than asking someone if they were staring at a sign.

Post # 11
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@KPcosmos:  Ahhh see you have to give us all the info up front! If you guys had serious trust issues in the past I could see how this could be very bothersome….

Post # 12
Member
2786 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Honestly, I think this a problem on both your ends….he is wrong to lie, but it sounds like you overreact, and are also now at the point where you automatically jump to negative conclusions.It sounds like you judge him for things, so he lies to get out of it. If that is the case you both need to work on that: you on being less judgemental, and him on being mor ehonest.

Eeven if he was staring logingly at the lottery sign, so what? He stopped buying tickets at your request…now he’s not allowed to want to either? I think you need to cut him some slack.

None of these lies come even close to cheating, etc, and honestly I think that’s a bit of a stretch….if it’s reached the point where that is your concern then I think you both need to go back to counselling.

Post # 13
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I kind of thought there could have been more to it asfar as why youre so worried about him lying. Get to the root of the big problem then the smaller ones would work out a little better. I know what its like not to be sure if you can trust your SO

Post # 16
Member
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Oh god…I don’t know how you’re dealing with it. I would hate this, it would drive me absolutely crazy. It does sound like you both could benefit from some counselling…but I totally agree with your desire for him to just cut it out. I don’t have any advice, but sending my support and positive energies your way!

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