This would SO not fly with me. My DH and I are away from each other more than we would like because of the line of work we’re both in. Yet, we still consult each other on the way money is spent whether we’re together or apart, and we don’t do things that would make the other uncomfortable, let alone hurt or angry. It’s called respect and being considerate.
I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. That boy needs a wake up call – from you, or from someone else, but he needs one, and fast. And I call him a boy, because 27 or not, this behavior is immature and incredibly hurtful and disrespectful, and not that of a married MAN with responsibilities and a wife.
Something does not add up, and if he’s being influenced by two newly-separated or divorced coworkers, you may need to look at the writing on the wall. If your Mother-In-Law is encouraging this, it could be that she thinks her son can do no wrong, I don’t know. But you need to get yourself some support if you don’t already have it. And as much as the hive is here for you, you need some real-life support.
Is there a male (that he respects?) that could look at this objectively and speak to him? Or, is there anyway you two can go to a few counseling sessions together? Clearly, you are not on the same page when it comes to what you expect out of marriage, now or in the future. You two need to learn to effectively communicate about expectations, finances, love languages, and mutual respect in general, or I fear you may not last that 20+ years your DH is taking for granted just a few short months into your marriage. (And good lord, I sincerely hope you have longer than just 20+ years!)
If none of this works, then yeah, maybe he should get a taste of his own medicine, and you should go out with girls or GUYS – I mean, it’s not like he’s discriminating against anyone but YOU – and make it clear HE is not welcome. See how he likes it after a few weeks. Do I think that’s the answer? No. I think you need to seek counseling together and he needs to step up to the commitment he made to you and not assume that you’ll be there, loyal and waiting while he does whatever the hell he pleases.
You deserve better, lady. And I hope you get it, one way or another.