Newlywed issues…How much going out is too much?

posted 3 months ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
2388 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017 - Outside in Paris

How much time are you spending together? I think it’s important for you both to do the things you enjoy but also important to do things as a couple. 

Its concerning that he was wasted and mean… at 35 he should have out grown those antics.

Sit down with him and try to find a compromise. 

Post # 3
Member
81 posts
Worker bee

My husband and I are very independent people. We don’t need to do things together all the time. He has beers with his buddies all the time and it doesn’t bother me. But others may not be like that 

Post # 4
Member
425 posts
Helper bee

Honestly I really wouldn’t care for my husband to go out three nights a week with friends. That seems like a lot. I would think once a week is probably normal. For the most part when DH and I go out with friend at night the other one tags along. 

Post # 5
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee

I would say definitely a night a week would be acceptable and healthy. Sorry you are going through this with him. Have you tried suggesting a designated ‘night’ like Fridays night is boys night? How does he receive this? You like active things…what about suggesting to go hiking with one of his buddies and his respective SO on a weekend? 

Post # 6
Member
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I don’t know what is “normal.” DH and I do not have friends, so he never goes out. And if we do go somewhere with someone else, it would never be too late. We usually spend the late nights out together.

Normal is different for everyone. If your husband was always a late-night-out-with-friends-and-co-workers kind of guy, then maybe 3 times a week is normal for him. It’s okay if he goes out with his friends and co-workers, but it is not okay if he comes home and treats you terribly. You need to catch him at a good time to have a good ol’ sit-down talk. 

Post # 7
Member
8067 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Mls1988 :  Did you live together before marriage? If you did was his going out habits the same?

If you didn’t live together was his going out habits the same?

Post # 9
Member
1396 posts
Bumble bee

Mls1988 :  Looking at your post history, you complained 10 mos ago about lack of date nights, another post about him gaining weight/ not working out. Your last post was about your neighbor knowing more about his Snapchat business than you. And now again with him going out too much. 

Maybe it’s time for some counseling Bee???

Best of luck!! 

Post # 13
Member
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

It sounds like he always socialised this much and you just expected him to go out less due to being married.

First, people don’t just change because they’re married.

Second, I don’t agree with the idea that there’s a limit on seeing other people or going out simply because you’re married.

The getting drunk and being mean to you is the problem here, not how many times he goes out in my opinion. 3 days out still leaves 4 days in. How many do you think is appropriate? 

 

Post # 14
Member
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2021

Get help now. I partied my ass off in my first marriage to avoid all of our issues to never have to face anything. When I did get fed up and plan something he’d invite his friends with us so nothing was ever about us. Obviously we had wayyyy more going on than just this alone but we never really dealt with our deflection mechanisms and I’m afraid this is spiraling into that. Put a stop to it now, require some quality personal time. and put everything on the table to discuss. 

Post # 15
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I would check out the book 10 conversations you must have before you get married by Guy Grenier. The 8th conversation is leisure time and talks about stuff like this. You guys have to find a balance between quality time together and time apart that respects both your wishes or it isn’t going to work. I had this issue in my last relationship before I got married, he always wanted to invite other people when we went out and wanted to have big get togethers every month or so. It just didn’t mesh with my style. It’s hard because changing what comes naturally is never easy. But you can make it work if you’re both willing to make it work.  

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