(Closed) Newlywed needs advice….

posted 6 years ago in Career
  • poll: What would you do....
    Look for another job / career : (17 votes)
    38 %
    Take unemployment, take a break : (7 votes)
    16 %
    Start a family (baby time) : (20 votes)
    44 %
    Other, explain below.... : (1 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3314 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I’d need more information.  Like do you want to start a family?  Do you want to go back to work?  Do you want to go back to school?  If I WANTED to start a family and didn’t need to work, then I’d jump on the opportunity to start a family.  

    Post # 5
    Member
    79 posts
    Worker bee

    I’m sorry that you were devastated and lost your job, that’s never an easy thing to experience. 

    If you can take a break, then do that! Take the time to decide what YOU really want to do. This is the chance of a lifetime, to start fresh and do something that you love, whatever that might end up being… work, study, have kids, get creative, support your husband. Take the time to figure out what you want.

    Update: Just saw your reply. I still say take the time out, because if you want everything, then you probably need to prioritise all those things. So take some time to figure that out. Make a 5 to 10 year plan for yourself with your husband to help give you direction.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2612 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    If you’re financially stable and you’ve got a place to live, then really, you can do whatever you want to do.

    I’m your age and I do understand the whole “ticking biological clock” and I hate to say it, but it’s something to at least consider if you plan on having several kids, simply because the whole process can become more complicated the older you get. Just from being pregnant, there are a lot more tests that you do if you are 35+ (although certainly, many women above 35 have perfectly healthy babies!). Also, just because you have a baby doesn’t mean that you’re going to drop out of the workforce, or that you have to if you don’t want to. You might actually appreciate having more than 3 months maternity leave!

    Alternatively, if you WANT to work, there’s no issue with looking for a job AND trying to get pregnant. The US has laws in place to protect you from workplace discrimination, which include giving you a fair chance to get a job even if you are pregnant while applying and ensuring your job security if you get pregnant shortly after getting hired. In other words, I wouldn’t see having a baby as an impediment if you really want to go out and try to find another job.

    And finally, travel and all that is really great, so if you and Darling Husband have a bit of time, then go ahead and take it! Besides, how much time are we talking about? If DH’s employers will agree to it, a couple months is a nice chunk of time and in the grand scheme of future planning, not that big a deal.

    Post # 7
    Member
    3314 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Well then, I’d vote for baby making.  Personally I’m now 37 and have been trying for 2 years next month with only a miscarriage to show for it.  I know that my story isn’t going to be the same for every lady over 35, but when I went off of bc, it took over a year to figure out that I had PCOS and then another nearly 6 months to start getting my cycles sorted.  I promptly got pregnant and then lost the baby.  I’ve now been trying for another 6 months with no luck.  

    I knew that my cycles weren’t regular before, but they were never horribly irregular either.  This came as a complete shock and total frustration to have to deal with this NOW when my clock is ticking ever so loudly.  

    If you want a family, I’d start now so that if there ARE any kinks in the journey, you can get them figured out.  🙂  Good luck!

    Post # 8
    Member
    3799 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I would try for a baby while looking for a job. You never know how long either one of those things will take, and I think by giving yourself a chance to do both, you will see that things are going to work out how they are meant to work out. Maybe you will get pregnant easily and decide it’s best to stay home for a while and focus on baby. Maybe you will get a job quickly and decide to establish yourself in the new work place before focusing on having a baby.

    Life works out how it is meant to work out. Give yourself the chance to do both! Both things, babies and jobs, cannot be scripted, we sometimes have to go with the flow.

    Post # 9
    Member
    5239 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2010

    Well, your AUNTS tell you “baby-making time” but what do YOU want?

    Do YOU want children?

    Do YOU want children NOW?

    Is your marriage and each of you READY for children NOW?

    Can you and your husband afford children on his income?

    Do YOU want to give your career another go?

    Do YOU want to try another career?

    Do YOU want to go back to school?

    Is it important to you to have a career after having children (and therefore starting up again might be a good thing)?

    What about a job that may provide you maternity benefits?

    Do YOU want to take some time to travel?

    What does your husband feel about all of this? Does HE want to have kids NOW or does he feel it is important to spend some more time being newlyweds? Does he prefer you look for a job even if you are fine on just his income?
     

    I recognize you “want” it all, but generally there are things that feel more important to us at any given time, so my advice is to do some soul-searching and figure out what you want. In your shoes, I would be looking for another job as I enjoy working and it is important to me, but that does not mean that is what is right for you and your family right now. I am child free, but personally, I still think it is important to have some “married time” before children as they DO change a LOT about your life and your relationship, and having children as you happen to be unemployed is not the best reason, but for others it may be an opportunity they want to take advantage of.

     

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