- 3 years ago
- Wedding: April 2016
Going anonymous for my own sanity. I sort of know what I have to do, but also want to make sure I’m being fair in resolving this issue. I think that marriage has become something people throw away very easily nowadays, and when I decided to marry the man I had been dating for 10 years (2 year break up in between), I felt this would last forever. But after only four months of being married, it’s like I can really, really see clearly and think that we need to divorce and finally separate for good. We have always been opposites, I with a calm temperament, very goal driver and family oriented, and him with an anger problem, short fuse, not many goals, and a family who are all over the place and not supportive. Here’s what going on.
1. He’s unemployed, but was when we had on small home ceremony in December. He had issues with unemployment in the past but it’s been a year at this point and he was actually wrongfully terminated from this last job. The problem is that while I am a college educated and successful Scientist pursuing my masters, my husband spent 6 months in prison during the 4th year of our relationship when our son was one. He is now a felon and finding a job has been difficult. He is starting to revert back to what landed him in jail which I recently found out and refuse to talk to him.
2. He enrolled in school which I felt was a good thing, but like most things in his life he lacked the motivation and wouldn’t do the work so he flunked out after two semesters. It seems he was only in it for the student loans and a refund check.
3. He’s stealing money from me. This is also not new. Over the years he has taken over 6k when our son was about 2 from my savings and I did not check this account frequently at the time because I never used it. He made up some story about owing the wrong people. We didn’t have immediate issues with money after that, but the past two years he has emptied my son’s piggy bank which my son know asks me about because he’s 8 and keeps track of this. He takes money from my purse so I don’t keep any cash or hide it if I need to. And he takes me credit card or debit card without my knowledge. He also has no idea how much money I have on a given card so he takes one and takes cash out, sometimes overdrafting my account. I recently hit my breaking point and it has happen twice in the last two months. His responses are always that it’s for gas but it’s a large amount or multiple withdrawals. It’s always an argument we have, with him saying that he won’t do it again, yelling, and then maybe saying he will move out but doesn’t.
4. His going out has increased- since we have been married, he has been staying out until 1-2 am maybe later even though he isn’t working. This happens at least 4-5 times a week- he is never usually home to say good night to our son. Even if he is home when we arrive, he leaves around 9 to hang out and smoke with friends. It wasn’t this frequent prior to getting married but it is causing resentment on top of the other issues I have with him
Basically, I feel like I walked into this marriage for my “family”. I wanted my son to always be able to see his dad, and I know that without me he will be living in a rough neighborhood which I wouldn’t want my son in. He would also make everything very difficult for me in terms of seeing my son. I think it’s important that we remain friendly but he has openly expressed how he would make dating hard for me, everything concerning our son would go through my mother, and I could forget us ever being present at the same events for my son again. When we broke up before getting married 4 years ago, we went through this for some time and it was miserable. I feel that it was irresponsible for us to get married and I honestly felt that we wouldn’t break up, relationships aren’t perfect, and after 10 years together I shouldn’t expect tingly love feelings- I was trying to be realistic. Permanently breaking my family apart seemed harsh, and I felt the vices he had I could deal with (I’m not perfect either). I’m not sure if the weight of marriage has sunk in and I realize I have to do this forever and I can’t or what it is, but I really want a divorce after such a short time and I’m guilty about doing this to my son and leaving him essentially jobless and without a home or wife in the process. I feel like I can do bad all by myself, and if not for our son I don’t think I would blink twice or would’ve stayed around. But I want more children and stability for my family. I think that raising my son in an environment where we ice each other out and don’t speak or I work and work while he does nothing is setting him up for future failure.