- 6 months ago
Background: I met my husband back in 2013, we started dating early 2014 and were engaged by the end of the year. We recently got married in summer 2016. My husband has had some issues while growing up, his mom died when he was very young there was a lot of drug and booze abuse while he was growing up. He was kidnapped and taken from his parents by CAS after a short while of all this unfolding. He then turned into a juvenile delinquent. He was in and out of jail for most of his teenage years, spent 1 1/2 years in jail for a theft when he was 18 years old and was charged as an adult, meaning his record was now no longer sealed. Due to the nature of the issues he had the judge ordered him to live with his half brother and sister in law, due to the fact the town he lived in was very small & he kept running into the same problems. His upbringing has made getting to know him in the time we started dating very difficult, he was always very standoffish, not to mention hard to talk to or get things across. But I loved him and I promised to work with him throughout everything in life. I began to notice that he was capable of great things with a bit of guidance & love he started to shape into the man I love so dearly today.
Today: We have been married almost 8 months. And we are moving in a few short weeks to the house of our dreams, we have a puppy and are starting our family to everyone else our lives are amazing and perfect, but deep down inside I don’t know if I can keep the charade going. I love my husband I really do, he’s everything to me and most importantly he is my best friend and my go too when things get tough. But we have been having issues latley and I find with every disagreement and argument I find myself pushing and closing off more and more. His communication is not the best, but I try to be as understanding as I possibly can. This weekend we had a disagreement about our money. I work more than he does, 14-17 hour days due to having my own buisness and a job I hold. He works 8-10 hours a day but is home more than I am. When he is home I always come home to a mess, dishes in the sink things all over the floor and sometimes he will be sleeping or working on his car. I’ve mentioned it many times and it just relapses back to the same thing. Now that we have a puppy he seems to neglect the fact he needs to be cared for and I end up coming home exhausted, cleaning his crate out, taking him for a walk and then showering and going straight to bed in order to get up the next morning for work.
The argument started Thursday night with the dog, him being asleep and the kitchen being a mess. I told him I would have expected something to be done, not all of it but something. He ignored me and went to bed. I ordered a pizza he came down after the door bell rang ate the pizza left crusts in the box and went back to bed. Friday was a holiday here and we got up early to get things done and go to my parents for dinner for easter, we ran late and he was driving my car he decided to text and drive and was missing lights and almost rear ended someone I told him to pull over and took the wheel. He was mad I did that, but I don’t have time for children and not to mention the DANGERS of texting and driving. So this argument from last night was now jumping another day, we got to my parents house and food was being finished he decided he wanted donuts from the coffee shop and grabbed my keys off the counter. I told him I would come with him as I don’t feel comfortable with him driving my car being he was texting and driving, he left my parents house and started walking. It was disrespectful to my mom who had put all that effort into cooking and he just storms out for donuts and coffee when my dad was getting some anyways. I met him outside and I told him dispite our own arguments this shouldn’t be broughten to my mom’s and he came inside but sulked like a 2 year old the entire time.
On the way home I expressed my feelings and said I would appreciate it if he pulled his own weight more often and stepped in both financially and hands on wise. I also mentioned that he was being disrespectful today and he owed my mother an apology for his behaviour. He snapped said I was the one with the issue, and that he was tired from work. He called me the “C” word…he’s never done that. When we got home I went upstairs to grab the dog and take him out for a walk, I was halfway down the driveway when he grabbed the dog and said the dog was HIS and that I wasn’t going anywhere with him. I said I was going just for a walk to clear my head and that he needed to pee, I had no intentions of “running away” with the dog or “leaving him”. He took the dog back inside (which he peed on the floor and I cleaned up btw!) I went back inside and explained he needed to go out to pee, but that I was upset and was going for a walk. He told me that the only reason I wanted to take the dog for a walk was to “run away” with him because I knew the only thing he cared about or meant anything to him was the dog.
I called him out on his statement so he thought I was leaving him but the dog coming with me (not that I was doing that, but still) was the issue and not me leaving so you don’t care about me then? He started crying which is his normal in situations like this, say something horrible cry and get me to feel bad. He begged me to come to the movies with him later that night (we had made these plans with friends earlier on in the day) and I went dispite feeling horrible about the situation I went and he felt as if everything was ok?
I feel like I have no home, my parents home isn’t mine anymore….my husband made me feel like the dog is his, and that was all he cared about…..and now I feel lost. I love him, I do. But bee’s I don’t know what to do anymore. He’s in counseling for himself and holidays are hard for him, but he’s so hard headed I’m not sure if marriage counseling will work for us…..
I’m lost….help, words of advice are needed. Also, please don’t be harsh or tell me I’m an idiot for wanting to stay….he’s not a horrible human being….