(Closed) Newlywed that cant shake being upset over wedding

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
2226 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I am so sorry that your dream day had so many mishaps.  The thing to focus on is that you got married to your dream man.  Your wedding is just a day.  The marriage, on the other hand, is for a lifetime.  That’s what really counts.

I know that’s hard to see right now.  But, if your focus on that, all your disapointment will fall away.

Post # 4
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I’m so sorry it wasnt at all what you thought it would be. It sounds like you have very valid reasons to be upset and it isn’t like you’re freaking out over the wrong shade of rose or anything like that. At this point though you probably need to be pragmatic? I mean it is done. You are married (yay!). It wasn’t what you wanted but there is nothing you can do about that now. I would just try to focus on your new married life and forget the imperfect day. Maybe some day it will even be funny… kind of like Charlotte’s second wedding in SITC? Everything went wrong but the marriage was great. Better a disastrous wedding and great marriage than great wedding and disastrous marriage, right?

Post # 5
1221 posts
Bumble bee

awww so sorry to hear that Did you guys go on a honeymoon? if so i hope that was better

Post # 6
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

Just focus on all the great stuff that happened!  You married your man! your mom came through for you and made good food! The snow cones and the candy bar was a big hit! Your cake was perfect!   Your entrance was the only one that Really counted! ๐Ÿ˜‰ And now your Mrs. H!!!  Congratulations!!!

Post # 7
1260 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m sorry that so many hiccups happened at your wedding. I can especially relate to the first look mishap. I was supposed to have a private moment with my groom at our wedding, so that in case either of us were going to cry or be emotional, we could do it in private, and not in front of our guests or family. So imagine my surprise when I walk into our first look location and 20 guests are all hanging out in there, chatting, and then suddenly seeing me and wanting to talk and take photos, etc… My groom was at the back of the crowd and looked at me helplessly.I also wrote in another thread about our friends pranking our wedding night hotel room. Our linens were also STAINED, and we had to take them back to the rental place and get new ones (luckily this was the day before, so it wasn’t as bad).

One thing that I found really helped me is to look at photos posted by friends and family (or if your photographer has some sneak peaks available, look at them!). They really helped me to forget the small mishaps, and all I remembered were the awesome parts. Do you have a video? Watching our wedding ceremony video also helped me ๐Ÿ™‚



Post # 8
611 posts
Busy bee

WOW! I just read your entire post and I just want to cry for you! I would have lost it if just a small portion of that stuff happened to me! I hope you can start finding the good parts soon. The bad will only be memorable for a short time.

Post # 9
1154 posts
Bumble bee

The part that would have upset me is everyone leaving early and me not enjoying myself – those are kind of my worst fears.  Everything else IMO not a big deal (others disagree of course).

But, think about thirty years from now – you can laugh and tell your daughter about how the wedding was a d*mn disaster so good thing you didn’t spend more money on it and look your marriage to her father is still blissful – it’ll help her calm down about planning her own.  ๐Ÿ™‚

Seriously, this isn’t the important stuff.  You’re married to someone who wrote you beautiful vows.  You managed to get through the wedding without having any family members hate you or causing you to hate any family memebers.  Chalk it up as a ‘win’ and move on.

Life is so much grander than a party, even a big party with beautiful symbolism.  It’s over.  Next! 

The truth is many weddings suck – weddingbee blog posts aside – and what are you going to do?  You just move on.  Big parties are really hard.  Yours was not as bad as it could have been.  The important bits are the vows and that people came to witness and celebrate.  Everything else is details.



Post # 12
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

@FutureMrs.Harless: Im really sorry all this happened to you!  Some of it sounds like just the frustrations and stresses of planning a large event (especially by yourself!).  Some of it just plain stinks. 

If I didn’t like my wedding, I think what I would do is redo my vows and throw a kick ass party for my friends and some family for our 1 year anniversary (maybe a little later).  I would hire a DJ (did you know its not that expensive to have them come out for a house party), get some great food from a restaurant, and just let everyone come by and have a great time (open house style). 

I hope you like your pictures!  I was at a wedding once that had similar microphone issues and the pictures of the ceremony still look fantastic!   In the end, you heard your husbands vows and thats whats important.  I have seen couples that have framed hand-written copies of their vows in their house which is really nice.  This may be a ncie thing to do for you guys and if you wanted to share with any guests you could. 

Post # 13
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I’m sorry you experienced this.  For our wedding, it’s a much shorter list to say what went right than what went wrong between a BSC Mother-In-Law and a DJ who did not come through and our cake being tossed.  Time has been a tremendous help.  We’ve been married 7 months and it’s a lot better than it was 2 months ago, let me tell ya!  You’ve been married for a week and some days so it will just take time.

Of course, some things still get me like looking through pictures and seeing Mother-In-Law and remembering all the crap she pulled so I just don’t look at the pics ๐Ÿ˜‰

Someone told me that if everything went right we wouldn’t remember it!

As others have said, it’s about getting married and you are!!  So focus on your man and your future…

Post # 14
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’m sorry things didnt’ go as planned. It seems like people just weren’t ‘into’ pitching in to make your day perfect. And it really sounds like you could have used a DOC, which I know is easier than it sounds since they are expensive.


Post # 15
48 posts
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m sorry your day didn’t go the way you liked, but PPs are correct in saying you need to focus on the fact that you are married now, that day is over.  I wish our society didn’t give us this image of the fairy tale wedding to deal with.  We all spend years planning this, the details consume every second of our lives through the whole engagement, and then the day is over – probably didn’t go exactly how you hoped because with so many details there’s a high probability of something going wrong. So instead of being able to be happy that you’re married, you’re disappointed because your day didn’t live up to the fairy tale that had been playing in your head and consuming your life for so long and it leads to disappointment.  The problem with dreams is they are nearly impossible to recreate in real life exactly as you imagined .  Perfection doesn’t exist in real life! I hope you get some beautiful photos back and are able to move past this and enjoy your newly married life. 

Post # 16
9053 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

It’s hard to feel like people weren’t there for you.  You should definitely talk to the DJ about her performance. 

I wasn’t going to do a first look, but for whatever reason all my guests were mingling around the front entrance of the garden where we had our wedding when I arrived.  I got stuck in the car waiting for them to move, and finally just had to give up because I needed to get up to the ceremony area and walk past them all.  That certainly lit a fire under their asses, to have the bride arrive at the ceremony site before them.  But, totally not my intention to have so many people see me before the ceremony.

I did a post about what went wrong at my wedding here

A million things went wrong, but still a good day!

so I can totally relate to feeling like everything went wrong.

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