(Closed) Newlywed…how often?

posted 7 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

We have sex 2-3 times a week, sometimes more. THis is low for us because weve been together 5 years. When Darling Husband and I first started having sex we were doing it every day, sometimes several times a day. However, everyone’s libido is different. Some people can go weeks without having sex at all and some people can’t go a day. There is nothing wrong with either as long as you and your husband are both feeling like it is a good amount for the two of you

Post # 4
Member
2496 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

We could have sex every day, or twice a day, if our schedules weren’t SO different.  Darling Husband is still in school and does Navy drilling once a week, so we only have the weekends and 1-2 nights a week that work.  So, we usually do it 3-4 times a week I think.  It seems like the perfect amount for both of us.

Don’t compare yourself with any other couple or what you think you’re ‘supposed’ to be doing!  Talk to your hubs and decide how much and when you need sex every week.  Make it work for you both!

Post # 5
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think thats normal. We do about 2 to 4 times a week depending how tiring our days are.

Post # 6
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I hate to be the one… but this is 100% why I think you should test drive the sexing before marriage to make sure you’re both in sync with the sex.

Post # 7
Member
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Did you go on any kind of hormonal birth control?  That can mess up your sex drive. 

Post # 8
Member
7770 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

It is my experience that women tend to want sex more than men.  Again, that is my personal experience- from myself, and from women/ friends I have known.  I think that the reality is that as a newlywed, we would love to be getting it on every day, all day- personally.  However, we are busy.  Darling Husband is always working.  He is tired.  Sometimes he is just too tired.  We probably do 3 times a week (at least).  It would be more if we weren’t so busy.  One thing I know, personally, is that you should never go more than a week- or a few days even.  I personally think it is really important to do it every once inawhile even if it is short or imperfect.  So, if it has been more than a few days I find it important to make it a priority or make a time for it if schedules are busy.

Post # 9
Member
768 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

i think that’s normal, but what’s important is what’s normal for you guys! talk to him about it. it’s something special that you waited for. you won’t always be on the same page, but it’s important that the two of you communicate about your expectations and needs. if you would like it more, let him know! i’m sure he will be happy to oblige. 🙂

@vmec i don’t think that’s helpful to the OP. it’s a personal decision that only they can make. i have plenty of friends that stayed in horrible relationships only because they were having great sex, so i would argue that for some people, holding off on sex (til married or whatever) would have been a better decision. i’m not trying to start a debate, but just maintaining that whether or not to have sex is personal.

Post # 10
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m not going to debate that it’s a personal decision as I agree it is. I just want to point out how waiting COULD be a bad decision as you don’t know what to expect in terms of sex.

Post # 12
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@waxbutterfly: Every couple is different so I hate to say whats normal or not. (not i’ not married yet, but am sexually active)

Clearly you want to have sex more, so I don’t think you should have to settle for less. Talk to you hubby about it. Because you waited, sex hasn’t been part of your “routine” for the first part of your relationship. He might not have a high a libido as you, but it doesn’t mean that you both can’t be happy.

Maybe you need to initiate at different times of the day or spice things up with different positions. Or seduce him. Like surprise him with a sexy outfit when he lest expects it or unzip him while he’s sitting down. Don’t be frustrated. Sex lives don’t perfectly match up like in the movies

Post # 14
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@waxbutterfly: That’s pretty common. That’s what most of the non virgins say as all the reason TO have sex prior to the wedding night. But yeah personal beliefs play a part. To each their own. At this point you’re pretty much just going to have to deal with initiating. Because even if you want more sex you can have it but the work is most likely going to have to come on your part. He’s not going to jump your bones if he doesn’t crave the sex. So it’s a toughie. You’ll have to talk about what’s his version of “just enough sex” and what’s yours. Normal means nothing. My normal does not equal your normal.

Post # 15
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@waxbutterfly: maybe because it’s new to you and it’s been there done that for him. I remember when I lost my virginity, I wanted sex several times a day. After the newness wore off then I realized that several times a day is time consuming and unrealistic. Normal for us is about 3-4 times during the week (with multiples times on the weekends since we are both off) 

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