(Closed) Newlyweds and constant fighting! :( Advice…?

posted 10 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
821 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

What are the fights typically about? do they revolve around the same underlying issue? or do you seem to bicker about more ordinary, everyday things?

Post # 4
Member
725 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Can you give more detail on what the fights are about? Are they minor, everyday annoyances or long-standing foundational issues?

Post # 6
Member
3674 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

Maybe you should try counseling to help with comminucation and better fighting styles.

My husband and I pretty much have a no yelling rule. I’m very sensitive and can’t take people yelling at me, and he knows this. So when he’s upset with me, he’s pretty much forced to just talk to me about it calmly. I feel like by doing that it’s easier to get to what’s really wrong and figure things out, rather then just yell at each other which doesn’t really solve much.

Post # 7
Member
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree with @artbee. Maybe you guys can lay down some arguing “rules” so you fight fair and communicate better. A few . . . no yelling, no name-calling, no childish games like “I’m not speaking to you.” Take a deep breath and a couple hours apart to gain some perspective when things get too heated.

Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@sullengirl222: Stop bringing up things that don’t matter anymore. At some point you have to let it go unless you don’t want to get over it. Since you are constantly bringing back up past hurts he’s probably aggravated thinking its the same fight over and over which brings on more drama. Let go a little and see if that helps.

Post # 10
Member
232 posts
Helper bee

@sullengirl222:  Do you know what triggered this stuff to come up now?  You both have been together for quite a long time.  Are you starting to express that his comments/actions hurt you more NOW than you did before, or is he becoming more hurtful??

Post # 11
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@sullengirl222:

Do you mean that you bring up the past? This is usually a big no-no in every relationship. The past should remain where it is. Try stopping yourself next time you feel the need to bring up past issues or past hurts again. I used to do this and it was very unfair. Because if we say we resolved it, we resolved it. Not fair for me to bring it up again only to use as ammo and hurt him. This goes both ways of course.

Post # 12
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

One of our rules is staying on topic, if we’re arguing about something there’s no bringing up that one time you didnt take out the trash. Also, I find that guys (like dogs) need to be told immediately if what they’re doing is upsetting you/hurting your feelings. He may truly have forgotten exactly how an incident went down. Don’t wait to tell him how you’re feeling.

Post # 14
Member
232 posts
Helper bee

He gets defensive because the issues ARE small.

Instead of initiating a confrontation on something small, make a more light hearted comment or joke.  “Oh honey, of course you threw the leftover macaroni away…(with a smile) I was hoping your ESP would tell you I wanted to use it for dinner tonight!  Damn, now we’ll have to call for pizza!” 

Lighten up your approach and he will feel more comfortable

Post # 16
Member
1055 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

There is a fine line here between showing how you feel and not letting resentment build.  If you’re going to say something, say it at the exact moment the issues came up.  I usually go with “that last statement you made hurt my feelings.”  I think a lot of times as women we approach things men say with “you’re so stupid” or insensitive or whatever instead of simply saying it hurt our feelings.  I get a sorry 99.9% of the time when I say things that way.  I just explained to my Fiance, it doesn’t really matter why/how you did it, it just matters that it hurt me and all I really need to hear is a truthful sorry and I will feel better.  Another thing that helps me make my Fiance remember to do things I ask him to do is explain why you’re asking.  I say, “well I’m doing these 6,000 things today so you can do 1 to help me.”  sometimes, they just don’t get all we do.

The topic ‘Newlyweds and constant fighting! :( Advice…?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors