(Closed) Newlyweds coping with roommate

posted 9 years ago in Home
Post # 3
6592 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@dayl20:  Unless the roommate is willing to agree to house rules, you just have to deal with it.  We ended up in a similar situation early in our relationship where we lived with a few roommates who were less than respectful of the fact they lived with other people.  I had to go to bed by midnight to get up at 7am to be at work by 8am.  The worst roommate worked nights and then would close down the bar and come home screaming drunk at 4am.  Regularly she would proceed to run a bath in the bathroom adjacent to our room and then sob loudly for an hour or two.  Not to mention she stole my FH’s glasses and keys on separate occasions when she was mad at him.  Or that we would come home and the front door would be unlocked and some random guy would be in the house cleaning her room.  Even with a lock added to our door we felt uncomfortable.  However, due to the lease we were stuck until the owner decided to sell the house (Hallelulah!)

Post # 4
4996 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Everything sounds pretty normal to me for a single guy room mate with the exception of the puke on the counter. It sounds like you guys just have different lifestyles. He’s not used to taking other people’s schedules and feelings into account like you and DH are. 

I would just try to remind him of things before they become an issue. For example, ask him to be quiet when you need him to be – don’t expect him to notice that someone’s carrying a pillow. I think it’s better to have an uncomfortable conversation before than have a big argument later. Best of luck. 

Post # 5
6592 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

P.S. Now that we finally live on our own and even though it costs a bit more for a less nice place, we are much happier and our home is much cleaner.  The best part is being able to clean the house and it staying clean or putting away the dishes and the kitchen staying neat.  Our roommates were all terrible about trashing the house and then leaving us to clean up because we couldn’t stand the mess.  But as soon as we cleaned the house, it was disgusting again within an hour.  Now we clean once every two weeks (and regularly in the kitchen) and it actually stays clean.  Plus, my new pots and pans are not beat to heck and left crusted with food in the sink.  So much happier!

Post # 6
1113 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@dayl20:  I totally feel you on this. Before my Fiance and I were engaged we lived in a similar situation…yet it seemed even worse. My Fiance was making a lot more money than me at the time and I really couldn’t afford an apartment on my own, so I moved in with him and his TWO roomates. I thought this would be a great idea at first because we were ALL saving SO much money and we lived in a GEORGEOUS house. 

My Fiance and I thought everything was cool and then they totally blindsided us and said WE were annoying them. I couldn’t believe this because we were both such great roommates. First all of they BOTH cheated on their girlfriend’s ALL the time and I never said a word to them for 8 months! There were many other small things that I let go because it wasn’t a HUGE deal.

I took matters into my own hands and started showing the house to potential leasers and was able to get us out of our lease 3 months early. Ever since we moved we have both been the happiest we could have ever been. I hope that you are able to get out of your lease it’s really unhealthy to not have a peaceful home. 

Post # 8
6592 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Just saw that your lease runs until 2014.  Good lord!  Does your area actually allow you to contract a lease for over 1 year?  I would check on that first.  If it is allowed, then maybe it would be a good idea to find your roommate 2 more roommates willing to take over your lease.  Is anybody at the med school looking for a place?  Maybe saddle him with two new first years.

Post # 10
8700 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

July 2014? That sounds MISERABLE! Can you find some people to take over your portion of the lease, so you can find somewhere else to live?

Post # 11
6592 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@dayl20:  Can you afford it if he moves out?  Maybe find him another place with other late night singles?  When we had roommates it put additional stress on our relationship.  However, I am glad we had it because it caused us the band together more and bond more as a couple.  Just make sure the two of you take breaks when you can; I know it’s difficult since he’s in med school but a weekend away here and there really makes a difference.

Post # 12
1054 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would talk with your landlord/leasing office and see what you could possibly do to get out of the lease. If that’s not an option, I would try to find someone to take over the portion you two pay. That sounds like a pretty crappy situation to be living in as a newlywed!

Post # 13
1890 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I’d try to find a sublease if at all possible…

In the past, I’ve had some decent roommates and some not-so-decent roommates.

My Fiance is currently living with a friend of his from the architecture program, who knew we’d be getting married and I’d be moving in before they agreed to live together.

We’ll only be living with him for a few months after the wedding, but I can already tell that even that is going to be irritating.

For instance, he makes Fiance keep the litterbox in his bedroom (yes. the BEDROOM) because he didn’t want us to put it in the spare bathroom, and when we had it in the laundry room he claimed the litter was staining the carpet, which is utter BS. There’s carpet in the bedroom where it is now, and no stains to be seen. Then he goes on about how much he loves our cat and if we ever didn’t want him anymore he’d totally take him. I’m like… dude. If a litter box EXISTING in your world doesn’t work for you, you can’t have a cat, sorry.

Then there’s the fact that he’ll use the spare bathroom, leave the toilet seat up constantly, and half the time doesn’t flush. That’s always pleasant.

He’ll also sleep the whole day through, so of course we have to be quiet so as not to wake him. However, there have been times when I’ve been too tired to drive back to my apartment, so I’ll stay at FI’s place until the next day. He doesn’t seem to have a problem either getting up to leave for studio at 4 in the morning, or getting home from studio at 4 in the morning, and cooking himself a full MEAL in the kitchen, which of course involves banking around all sorts of pots and pans and waking us up.

So… the moral of the story is: Don’t have roommates after you get married!

I seriously cannot wait until we move and have our *own* place. I’m intentionally storing all of our wedding gifts at my parents’ house until we move out, because the roommate uses my current set of less expensive nonstick pots and pans (which I don’t mind), but invariably ends up scratching them all up on the inside (which I do mind). Not about to let him use our pretty new wedding gifts.

Post # 14
5 posts
  • Wedding: June 2014

My Fiance (age 35), my 5 year old son, and I (28) are in a VERY similar situation.. Only it’s slightly worse I think.. The roommate is my BROTHER (27) and his long time girlfriend (20).  And to make it worse, they work NIGHT SHIFT.  Which means on their days off Sun, Mon and Tues nights, they are up ALL night, even after we get up the next morning to start our days at 6 am (I am a college student and I work, and my Fiance works for the state), and they are VERY discourteous to us when we are sleeping.  Their sleep is barely interupted because we are usually done doing the day when they are sleeping (they go to bed about 8 am, sleep till 4-5pm).    

And to make it EVEN WORSE, they’re VERY messy and will leave their dishes they cook with all over the kitchen (for days unless my Fiance breaks down and does them because he can’t stand to look at dirty dishes), she crochets and leaves yarn all over the house, couch/living room, leave dishes (even my 5 year old takes his plate/garbage to the kitchen when he is done) and condiment bottles in the living room for days, etc.  Their bathrom(which is the main bathroom in the house, besides the private one attached to our bedroom) is alway dirty and they leave their dirty clothes on the floor after showers, and garbage can over flowing, for weeks.

Even tho this is MY house and they moved in to help me when my ex moved out, I feel like they have completely taken over my house and my and my Fiance are confined to our bedroom most the time, even if they’re not home the living room is usually so overrun with their stuff that we just assume go to our bedroom. 

I’m not saying my Fiance and I are neat freak by ANY stretch, cause you’re not.. but we NEVER go to bed after cooking with a single dirty dish, we don’t leave laundry in the dryer for days and pull from it to wear each day, and we are quiet when they’re sleeping and we are home…

Oh, and they complain if my 5 year old’s toys (ANY TOY) is left in the main part of the house..   and this really upsets me because for one they leave their “toys” (crochet stuf, video game controllers, current hobby items) ALL over the COMMON areas of the house.. and for two, when they moved in, they forced my at the time 4 year old to move into a MUCH smaller bedroom with no closet so that they could have the bigger bedroom.

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