(Closed) Newlyweds- Feeling lonely?

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

@roxy821: I definitely understand!  I went from living with a roommate who was around a decent amount of the time to being married to my husband who works night shift.  One of my friends, gave me a great piece of adivce, “Make the situation work for you, don’t fight it.”  That advice has helped me a lot.  You can’t change your husband’s schedule but you can find what works for you with his schedule.  It sounds like you are using that time well to get things done.  I also use that time to get in some alone time as well as hang out with my girls.  🙂  I won’t say that it’s fun but it does get easier if you don’t focus on the negatives of it.

Post # 4
Member
1016 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I am not in the same situation but Darling Husband does work nights every once in a while and I do have to force myself to get out on nights when Darling Husband isn’t around – I’m a homebody and like to go home and stay home most nights!

Are there any activities you could get involved in?  Maybe a class once a week in the evenings?  Or the gym?  Or volunteering?

If Darling Husband were gone as much in the evenings as your Darling Husband is I would probably get the urge to get out more but it would take a lot to get me motivated…(ahem…lazy..ahem…)  Wink

I hope it gets easier!

Post # 6
Member
1016 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Oh that makes it tough…  I’m sorry I don’t have much advice on this.  It’s difficult to get going at 9 pm, that’s for sure…  Are there any friends nearby you could invite over for a fun TV show and snacks?  I live 3000 miles from my family/friends and end up on the phone a lot when Darling Husband isn’t around.  It’s a good time to catch up with everyone… 

Post # 8
Member
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

@roxy821: Do you have any friends nearby?  I LOVE going on walks with friends (it’s easier to motivate myself to exercize when it’s social!!!) and would jump at the chance to walk my friend’s dogs with her!  That way you could get stuff done but also have some interaction.

Post # 9
Member
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My Darling Husband works nights often and gets home after 9pm on day shifts.  It can be hard but try to keep busy and be greatful for all the happy things in your life.  Even though we can go 4 days without seeing each other I try to keep it in perspective, some couples are separated by wars, years or even death.  I can’t imagine the wives of the miners trapped or couples who both work 80 hr work weeks.  

I save all “my” tv shows for when he’s not around, bake, take bubble baths, go to target, go to the mall etc.

Post # 10
Member
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

@roxy821: One more thing…. you mentioned cooking in your list of evening stuff you have to do.  How do you feel about left overs?  I have a hard time motivating myself to cook at night if it’s just me.  I’ve started cooking more on the weekends.  I make one or two family sized meals and then we rotate the leftovers throughout the week.  I pack them for my husband so he can eat them at work and I eat them for dinner at home.  It helps me to feel like I’m not stuck at home doing all the chores while he is gone even when I know the reason he’s gone is that he’s working.  May not be your thing but that has worked very well for us!

Post # 11
Member
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

@Rgeddy: I SO can relate to what you said!  I start to throw a pity party for myself and then I realize that I’m clinging to what I think a “normal” schedule should be.  There are so many women out there that are seperated from their husbands or don’t have a great husband like I do.  I really should be thankful!!!  I also use my time for things he wouldn’t like to do – “my” tv shows, shopping at the mall, etc.

Post # 13
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

This is my DH’s busy time at work (mine too), but I only stay until 6 or 7 while he stays until 8 or 9. It doesn’t last long though, so I can just remind myself that it will be over soon.

But I do take the extra ‘alone’ time to take care of myself. I go jogging or workout, organize/clean things around the house, try out new recipes, etc. It’s not that bad! And we have our whole weekends together which is really nice.

Post # 14
Member
2111 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Darling Husband works out of town so he works 10 days on and 4 days off. It’s very lonely when he’s gone so I try to take the dog for a walk, see friends, go to my parents, and I’ve started scrapbooking the wedding. I’m getting used to it now but at first it was really hard.

Post # 15
Member
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

It’s so nice to hear that there are so many of us in the same boat!  Do any of you struggle to find where you fit in socially?  I’m not as in to going out with my single girls as frequently as I used to.  Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy it, but they often go to fancy restaurants ($$$) and I loved that when I was single but my husband and I have some financial goals we’re focused on.  My married friends would love to double date with us but it’s hard to double date when your husband isn’t there!  I feel like I’m in some wierd category of my own – not single but not really fitting in with my married friends either.  The hardest part for me is going to events on my own.  He has to work some evenings so I recently had to go to a wedding alone.

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