(Closed) Newlyweds! Living with in-laws after marriage…Some advice please!

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 17
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would not do it. You are getting married in 1 year and so you have time to save the money to pay your student loans. Cut everything that you do not absolutely need including your wedding budget (Your wedding is only 1 day out of your entire life).

I completely understand that in today’s society, you see people splurging left and right and it takes a strong person not to be consumed by all the luxury and material things but after you and your Fiance sacrifice together and paid your debts all by yourself, you will feel so proud and hold your head high.

I can say that because I paid my student loans all by myself and I feel it is one of my proudest accomplishments.

Post # 18
Member
7643 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I wouldn’t do it at all. In your situation it doesn’t sound like you have that big of a debt if you can get it paid off in 6 months if you live with the in laws. I would just take the debt with you and pay it off as you go. It can never be good if your Mother-In-Law suggests you living with her. I have a feeling there would be no privacy. Granted it is only for 6 months or so, but I personally wouldn’t, especially as newlyweds.

Post # 19
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I live with mine. immigration rules mean I can’t work for a few months, and we would really struggle to live on FI’s income alone.

So far it”s been good. They have a big house, so we have a bedroom and lounge for ourselves. His sister also lives with us. I think the key things is that my in-laws are cool, laid back people, our hours differ so we aren’t together all the time, and they have had many young adults and young adult couples board with them over the years, so there aren’t the awkward ‘adult but child’ situations (we’re both 27, but I will still try and put us int he young category haha).

You know your in-laws. You will make the best decision 🙂

Post # 20
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

DH’s parents suggested this to us as well. It’s a nice suggestion but I’m with ya on the privacy part. After DH & I got married he moved into my apartment. We lived there for 3 months before moving into his parents place. Our plan was to stay there for 6 months or so to save to buy a house. We not only were moving into his parents house but 2 of his younger college aged siblings were living there as well. We ended up only staying for about 2 months because honestly, it was hard being a newly married couple living with his entire family. His parents still had the same expectations they had of him when he was single and living with them….IE Saturday morning his dad is yelling from the outside of the house for him to come help him with yard work…….and we were in bed………….uhhhh just a second dad…..

yeaaaaaaaaah. That was not working for me. DH is all about saving money but we were at the point where we really needed our own space and we COULD afford to move out.

My advice for you:

If you are going to move in with the in-laws please please please PLEASE make sure you make time for yourselves as a newly married couple. You’re going to be saving money while you live there so don’t forget to splurge a little and take a nice honeymoon, spend time together on the weekends, ALONE, maybe out of the house.

Also, make sure that your inlaws know you appriciate it. Cook dinner once in a while, buy toilet paper and other common household items, keep your area of the house clean, don’t hog the laundry…all that jazz..

It’s really only a short time that you’ll be spending with them but the first months are SO important, especially if you’re not living together now. Make sure your fiance knows your fears going into this…..talk to him!

Post # 21
Member
3066 posts
Sugar bee

@MrsP0801:  I have always said I would not get married if we had to live with either of our parents. BUT if you have a definite plan in place and it may be as little as 3 months you may want to take them up on that. If you can afford to have your own place and just make payments as you go on your loans for a little longer I would probably prefer to do that though. I cant imagine beginning a life together under someone elses roof, but again it seems you guys have a good plan in place and it would be very temporary.

Post # 22
Member
9840 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Honestly I’d rather stretch out my loans another two years than live with my in-laws for 6 months…….

 

Post # 23
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@MrsP0801:  All I can say is DONT! Fiance and I lived with his parents for 3 years and I can barely stand the sight of my Mother-In-Law now. Its not a good way to start your marriage and its not a good thing for your relationship with your FILS. Please, just PLEASE, dont do it!

Post # 24
Member
416 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I wouldn’t do it.  If it would only take six months, then it can’t possibly take that long if you just live in a studio or something, and then you have privacy at the start of your marriage.  Do you live together now?  I’m not sure if you wanted to live together before marriage, but if you have a whole year to save money on rent, then you could probably pay that off in advance.  I just wouldn’t go through the possible awkwardness.  This is coming from someone who’s got tons of student loan debt, and it’s going to be so long before it’s paid off, that I’m not really thinking about that.  But my advice is not to live with them.

Post # 25
Member
1146 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
@oneofthesethings:  +1

I’m a believer in running your own household as a married couple and forming your own nuclear family. But I probably take a harder line than most — I would never consider living with mommy and daddy during or after college, married or not.

Post # 26
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MrsP0801:  I would totally do this in a heartbeat, but I really hate debt. I also love my in laws and neither of us has lived at home for over a decade. 3-6 months is really short!

Post # 27
Member
815 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I’ve done it for 2.5 years so far! Granted, we’re not marriedyet. But we will continue to do so after the wedding, against my opinion. Lol it’s hard, but 6 months is NOTHING it will fly by! 

Post # 28
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

We treid it, my husband had debted from being laid off 3 months before the wedding. we lasted the sum total of 3 or 4 months. As much as my husband loves is family, he couldn’t do it, he lived out of their house for about 5 years at that point and as soon as he got another job we moved. It took us longer to pay off the debt because of it yes but we needed our own space and we didn’t have that there no matter how hard they tried. Plus I worked 45mins away and given their request for a small amount of rent, which we would have happily paid, it just worked out cheaper for us to move. Our plan was to stay a year so we could save a bit, that turned into 6 months and eventually 3.

Maybe try it but prepared to move earlier than you expected. We still have his student loan debt and the cars but that is now it. We cleared all of his other debt and to be honest the extra time it took was worth it for us because he was going insane.

Post # 29
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

thats not very long so you should do it, I think its better to start the relationship in a better financial position rather than struggling. my friend and her fiance lived with her parents to save for the wedding and moved out soon after they got married. my futre sister in law and her new husband and baby moved in with his parents cause they had a lot of debt, they would have been married a year in november and still havent saved anything cause of the debt. And myself and my fiance live with my parents right now, Ive never moved out as Ive only been able to get part time jobs so I couldnt support myself, he has been living with us since jan, get married in feb, then we still need to keep saving as we need around 30k for a house deposit cause of the living situation here. We are looking to buy around august next year

Post # 30
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It depends on the circumstances. At first I was going to say, “NO WAY”. Then I realized that we do live with in-laws, for the same reason.

See, GMIL’s house is split into two levels, and we rent the top one for cheap. The top is a completely separate two-bedroom apartment (minus washer/dryer). It has its own separate entrance, and a stairwell to the bottom with a lockable door. She has not been up here since we moved in, so we have plenty of privacy. We also do things for her occasionally, when she is unable to do them herself, so everyone wins.

However, it’s because of the privacy that this situation works out so well. If we had to share the same kitchen, we would be out of here and into an apartment in a heartbeat. Even if you have a good relationship with someone, living together is bound to strain that. Especially since the power in the relationship is uneven; it’s not like you’re living with roommates where everything is equal, you’re living in their house, by their rules. That can be draining.

We lived with Mother-In-Law for 6 months before we lived here. We shared everything except our bedroom. There was a huge clusterfuck of events that led to us having to move in, and I still don’t like to talk about it much. What I can say is that we’ve been here for two years, and those 6 months felt just as long as these past two years have. If I was given the option between doing that over again for 3-6 months, and renting our own apartment for 2 years, I’d be all over that apartment like white on rice.

Even though 3-6 months is a short amount of time, how long they feel like will depend on what it’s like to live with your ILs. So take that into consideration.

Post # 31
Member
1396 posts
Bumble bee

We live with my parents. It’s not the best thing ever, but it’s also not the worst. We made a conscious decision to do it so we could rent out my property. The property I own is in a super tight rental market and since we’d like to buy a home in the next year, it made sense to move in with mom and dad while we saved money from the rental.

 

I think it can work if you have parameters set that it won’t be forever. In our situation, they have a big house. Their bedroom/bathrooms are upstairs, ours are downstairs. The family room is right by our bedroom and they rarely sit down there. They leave for work two hours before we do, and we generally come home later than them. The only room we share is the kitchen but with our different schedules, it’s really not that hard. Yesterday for example, by the time we got home they’d already left to go out to dinner and do some shopping. By the time they came back, we had already made dinner, eaten, cleaned up, and retired to the family room to watch a baseball game. Mom joined us for about an hour and then we went to bed.

 

Anyway, I”m not sure I could live wth my in-laws but that would require sharing a bathroom, sharing a living area, sharing a tiny house that’s often packed with people, etc. That would definitely not work for me. So I think it depends on the situation and you can definitely tell when it’ll work and when it won’t.

ETA: We lived together for seven years before making this decision, so we’re not exactly new to forming our life together. I think that matters a lot.

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