(Closed) Newlyweds! Living with in-laws after marriage…Some advice please!

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 33
Member
7426 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

I’d do it for 3-6 months, but I would also keep my wedding extremely small and inexspensive an put that money towards the loans.

Post # 34
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand

It really depends on what your relationship with your in-laws is like AND what the living situation is. For example, DH and I currently live with my dad and have been saving to move out by next month. It has worked for us because a) both DH and I have a great relationship with my dad (it’s kind of crazy how close we are and b) because my dad isn’t nosy AT ALL. He gives us our space, if he has heard us having an argument he won’t but in and he also works late so our interaction is limited by that factor alone. This is even surprisingly the case with our room being right next to his. 

what would your living situation be like? Would your rooms be on the same floor? Is it like an apartment within the house? There are a lot of factors to consider. 

Post # 35
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

We have been married for almost three months and we moved into my parent’s basement apartment while we wait for our house to be built.  We have 2 bedrooms, our own kitchen but we have to share laundry and we do not have a separate entrance.  I think it could work and could be great for you financially but it would really depend on the relationship you have with his family.  I know I couldn’t live with my IL’s but my parents give us much more space than his would.  I should mention that we do pay rent but much less than we would anywhere else.  I think that helps too.  If you’re getting a free ride you might be treated more like a child than a tenant… But I would really consider it especially if you know that if you deal with it for a few months you will be totally debt free that’s huge!

Post # 37
Member
4430 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t care how much debt i’m in, or how good of a relationship I have with my IL’s I would never move in with them, especially right from marriage!

 

Good for you in deciding that your marriage and well being is way better than just monetary debt that can eventually be paid off!  Those first few months to a year really set the bar for the rest of your lives.

Post # 38
Member
312 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@MrsP0801: I see you already figured out but heres my opinion….and I seriously thought you were my Future Sister-In-Law before I read Hispanic and your wedding date. To me, I would rather be alone with my husband. I think its important to learn how to live together and get all the house work and financial arguments out of the way without an audience. There may not be those fights since you’d be living in someone’s house (maybe paying rent or less rent who knows) but either way I don’t think it’s good for a new marriage.

I have such large student loans that they wouldn’t be paid off in a short period of time. We are waiting 2 yrs so we can save and I can pay off my credit debt from when I was unemployed. I would rather have to pay debt down for a few months more than have an uncomfortable living situation.

My bro and Future Sister-In-Law currently live at her mom’s. My bro is not having it after their wedding and I can’t blame him. There’s too many people in the house and their bedroom is accessed via the only bathroom in the house. No Thanks!! I really don’t think they are financially even ready/mature to be getting married but that’s my opinion. He’s still in school (Peter pan syndrome) and they don’t have their own apt. We almost got engaged last yr but I was unemployed so it would have been so dumb if you ask me, so we waited til this yr. I tHink my Future Sister-In-Law wants a house instead of paying rent but to me they are in no position to buy a home. I would feel differently if they were living in an apt over the garage w/ separated living quarters but they aren’t.

Fi and I had to move back home to both our parents homes’ after living together for almost a year. It was hard bc we only got to see each other on weekends. We did “sleepovers” on wknds as we had a bad year last yr got into it with an ahole landlord. But that was short term. I didn’t ever want to do it at their or my parents house bc I didn’t want anyone to know. So it wasn’t great time for us.

Post # 39
Member
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@MrsP0801:  

No. My husband and I have a mountain of debt from me returning to college. We believe in handling our problems ourselves and guarding our privacy as a married couple. Married couples, especially newlyweds, need their own space.

Post # 40
Member
471 posts
Helper bee

Honestly, after our wedding- we might have to stay with the in-laws if we’re not able to find a starter home in SoCal within our budget, so @MrsP0801:  I think this really depends on where you live. If you live in Southern California or New York where apartment costs are through the roof, then I would stay with the parents for 6months. If you live in a place with low apartment costs, move out.

Some posters make it seem like living with the in-laws is torture, it really shouldn’t be. those that aren’t willing to live with their in-laws for such a short time IMO, probably won’t last very well financially. This is a smart financial move, more money for downpayment: less in monthly mortgage payments which means more money to spend on other things like travel,etc. Who knows, depending on how much you save, you may be able to completely skip the apartment (paying someone else’s rent) and buy a condo or house. I’m living with my future in-laws right now, and it doesn’t suck at all, yes I want my own space, but I know that I’m saving a LOT of money compared to finding an apartment and paying 1400 per month + utilities in this stupid Los Angeles apartment rate.

Also, it’s going to be hard to set ground rules with someone who is allowing you to live in their home. Thats like saying “i don’t pay rent, food, utilities but don’t come in my room!” I would probably be offended and throw your ass out!

Post # 40
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

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MrsRose:  I am a producer with Discovery Studios and am doing some research for a show about people living with their parents or inlaws as newlyweds. I’d love to talk with you about your experience. Please call or email me 323-308-2520 [email protected]

Post # 41
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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MrsP0801:  Honestly, take the offer. I’m sure your in laws will be respectful of your privacy, since they obviously want the best for your relationship (hence the offer). My FIs cousin and his wife got married two years ago, rented an apartment and then realized they wanted to buy a house sooner. So they split a down payment with her parents and have been sharing for a year. It may take some adjustment, but if it’s only short term, its totally worth it to start your newlywed life debt free! A lot of marriage troubles stem from money issues unfortunately, so having that stress gone is a blessing!

Post # 42
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I would not. I lived with my in laws…its no fun and it ruined our relationship.

Post # 43
Member
421 posts
Helper bee

If you guys will be able to save and pay off debt go for it. Also it depends on your relationship with your in laws, and how much privacy you will have. A friend of mine did it and they said it was the best decision. They stayed with the inlaws for about a year and was able to get their own place. 

Post # 44
Member
731 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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MrsP0801:  Do it! lol debt free would be amazing 

Post # 45
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017 - Northern Territory, Australia

I live my Fiance and his parents to save money while saving for our own place, our wedding and I finish my studies. So far we have lived with them for a year – one and a half years left! 

There are moments I don’t like it (having gone from living in my mum’s place to moving into a share house with Fiance and then to his parents’ place) but honestly it is all so worth it to save the money and not have to stress about that on top of everything else. 

I do get along with FI’s mum really well but we also have such different habits – especially in the kitchen! We are also very lucky that the house has two living areas so we each have our own for our down time. 

Just remember it’s temporary. 🙂 

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