Newlyweds living with in-laws. I'm hesitant!

posted 6 months ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
9472 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Unless being homeless was my only other option there is no way in hell I would move in with my parents or my in-laws, especially not as a newly wed.

No amount of money saved is worth my privacy and having my own space. Just absolutely not. 

Post # 3
Member
6214 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I just couldn’t. It will cause you and your Fiance not to really know how living together will work for the two of you until you move out. Living with other people completely changes the dynamics of a relationship, IMO – especially parents. It is always difficult with multiple adults living together because of distribution of labor. Even the little things like picking something up of your way home or taking the garbage out or vacuuming or doing the dishes can become bigger issues because even when someone SAYS they’re fine with how things are or have been, they often really are not and would prefer if you did something else. But if they never say it, you cannot read their minds, and resentment can grow – and this goes for both you and your Fiance and his parents. 

Parents tend to treat their son like their son, not an independent adult. It can be hard to live with the dynamics of a parent-child relationship, even if they are better than some about giving him independence and not being imposing. 

Ultimately, given that you will both have well-paying careers after you have completed school, it wouldn’t be worth it to live with his parents. Even if it put me a year behind as far as saving for a home, say, it would be worth it to have my own space. YMMV, of course, but I wouldn’t want to live with my OWN mum without a partner, let alone with one (and I adore my mum).

Post # 4
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: London, UK

I would move in with my in laws if the other option was homelessness. This is basically the exact reason we decided to both live at home for a few years after graduating and do some serious saving up for a home and a chunk towards a future wedding before moving in together. Living with either set of our parents together would have been difficult at any point (and my fiance adores my parents and they adore him), let alone as newlyweds. No no no way.

Post # 5
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2020

Adding to the pack. Just no. They may be great, it might all work out. But generally no matter the compatibility this just causes drama and issues and hurt feelings. Don’t do it. You can afford a little place on your own, yes you won’t save as much money but I promise the privacy and autonomy is so so worth it. 

Post # 6
Member
47148 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It wouldn’t be my first choice. The two of you are going to make sufficient salaries after you start working, that $10-12 K is not going to change your whole life.

Post # 7
Member
6898 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Nope. Nope. Nope. 

Never in a million years, unless I was homeless and broke, would I live with my in-laws. I also wouldn’t live with my own parents. That’s not to say it wouldn’t happen in a pinch but there’s a major difference in “our house sold and we need somewhere to live for 4 months until we can get into a new house” and “we want to save money for a year”. 

My Darling Husband and I lived together many years before marriage, getting married was nothing new for us. In your case, you guys are going to be acutal newlyweds. You need your own private space to adjust to being married, living with a partner, having sex, etc.

Post # 8
Member
1257 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Location

Honestly I get the appeal of saving money, but not under your circumstances. 

We considered for 0.25 seconds living with my parents to save for a down payment BUT a) their house is huge, 3000+ sq ft with five bedrooms and six baths. And b) they travel half the year so we’d have had the place to ourselves lots.

We still didn’t do it in the name of independence. 

Post # 9
Member
6672 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

No way, no how. 

Post # 11
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee

I understand the appeal of it but I personally wouldn’t do it unless I really really had to. My SO and I moved in with his parents for a few months in 2017 and I’m not sure I could have lasted much longer. They are nice people and I love them but we had different routines and liked things done in different ways and we just ended up clashing constantly. I don’t think my SO and I have ever fought as much as we did when we lived with them. He was in the middle and I think it was quite difficult for him to please everyone. Also, we were quite young (early 20s) so I always felt like they treated us like children still which really got on my nerves because we’d already lived away from home for university etc and were able to do things ourselves. It was definitely hard always having to fit into their routines! 

Post # 12
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee

NOPE. We stayed with my in-laws for 6 weeks when we moved back to our hometown and were looking for jobs/an apartment. It was 5 weeks too many. 

 

I cant stand living with family, or anyone else for that matter. I need my privacy. Even if the apartment is tiny, it will be 1000% times better than living with family.

Post # 13
Member
2950 posts
Sugar bee

No way would I move in with my inlaws, especially as newlyweds that have never lived together.

Post # 14
Member
1310 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

desiretobeeanonymous :  Is $12,000 worth permanent damage to your relationships with your in-laws and your husband? Because that’s what the result will be.

Seriously how is this even a consideration?! If you really need to live with parents, you should postpone the wedding until after you both graduate.

Post # 15
Member
698 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Nope. It’s so different living on your own as a couple, not to mention the serious damage to your relationship with your in-laws that is more than likely. You two will need to figure out how to build a life together, and having his parents there to witness the entire thing will be way too stressful. You need space to breathe, argue (it will happen especially if you haven’t lived together yet), and have privacy. 

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