Newlyweds living with in-laws. I'm hesitant!

posted 6 months ago in Married Life
Post # 16
Member
3329 posts
Sugar bee

I’m a “no way in hell” person. Knowing that, I tried to keep and open mind when reading your post. And I’m still 100% no. Do not do it. $10k is not worth it.

Post # 17
Member
2586 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

You live in a low enough housing cost area that it’ll only save you 10-12k. If we had decided to live with parents for a year when we first graduated it would save us close to 25k and we still didn’t even think about it. 

10-12k is not worth your sanity, or your sex life. 

Post # 18
Member
6402 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

Living with IL’s is a hard no for me.  

Post # 19
Member
1224 posts
Bumble bee

Nope. Unless homelessness is the other option. I know $10k is a lot of money, but not worth it in my opinion. I’m not willing to let go of the freedom that comes with own apartment.

Post # 20
Member
4507 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Do you enjoy your relationship with them? Then don’t move in with them. 

Post # 21
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey

I know many people who lived with their in laws in the former generation and still here and there some people live with their in laws to save money. I can just quote from my cousin who got married into a new flat with the wife but moved back with the parents to save money for a house, he told that that time was the biggest regret of his whole life.

I’m Muslim and I know what it means to wait until marriage and how excited you guys must be, a new home of your own should always be a priority if you want to start a healthy relationship. I can’t act completely in love and lovey dovey in front of other people, you certainly won’t be casually making out on the sofa. 

Post # 22
Member
1021 posts
Bumble bee

To save that kind of money may be tempting but I must agree that the lack of privacy would be a hard NO. You want to learn about being a married couple and you need the freedom of just being together the romance and playing and all the things you just cannot do in front of anyone, nevermind in-laws. As for sly comments from your future father in law YUCK! Nip that in the bud immediately. That shows a distinct lack of respect and he should be aware of that.

Post # 23
Member
1140 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Good fences make good neighbors – keep your space and keep your relationship on good terms (even if your in laws are the nicest, most respectful decent humans on this planet). 

 

Post # 24
Member
2690 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

We actually did this for six months after we got married. We lived with my parents as we had just imigrated back to my home country and we took our time finding a decent place to live (renting). I became a grad student at the time and Darling Husband was looking for work for the first time in my country, in a field which is tricky to break into.

However, we had lived together for 3 years and had plenty of sex over the past 4. We didn’t intend to end up staying for 6 months but that’s how long it took us to find somewhere we really wanted to live. And my parents have a largeish house, we had an entire floor (bedroom/living room/bathroom) to ourselves.

Honestly I have no regrets. But in your position I think living together for the first time as newlyweds is a lot more important for your relationship than saving 10k. And a year is a long time. 

Post # 25
Member
1762 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I’d absolutely say yes. I know plenty of couples who have moved in with in-laws to save for a house. I’d happily do it 

Post # 26
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

This is a hard no for me. If you aren’t ready to live on your own, you aren’t ready to get married. Newlyweds need time and space to get in to the groove of marriage, especially if this is the first time you have lived together, and adding other people in to it is just setting yourself up for frustration. I would postpone getting married, and save up for a home now. 

Post # 27
Member
3726 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

My husband and I had to stay with my parents for a week when we were in the moving process because our new place wasn’t ready the day we had to be out of our old place. I love my parents and my husband has a good relationship with them, but I could never imagine living with them for longer than that. It was ok the first couple of days, but after that I desperately needed my privacy and space back. My parents aren’t even prying or clingy but I dont enjoy being a house guest.

Post # 28
Member
3309 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

I say yes, but it is entirely dependent on your relationship with your in-laws, and how much personal space you guys will have. I know a lot of people would rather jump off a building than live with their parents, but Dh and I are not those people. His mother moved in with him after some health issues and he had zero problem living with her, and she is a lovely woman who I would have zero problem living with. He eventually left her his house when he moved to be with me, but I don’t see anything wrong with staying with parents if it won’t make you miserable. 

Post # 29
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - York, ME

I think with you guys having not ever lived together before, this is not a good plan. As other posters noted, parents always treat their children like children in some way, and you guys will have a LOT of learning and growing to do together.  You’ll probably have silly fights about like where he puts his socks, and that’s not something I’d want my inlaws hearing or trying to get in the middle of.

Not to mention your sex life.  I know my sister (who waited until marraige) and her husband had issues sexually and had to work through those, so if that happens with you and your FH it won’t be easier to work through that with his parents in the next room.

Post # 30
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

This seems like a really really bad idea honestly. I mean, if you’re living under THEIR roof, then to some extent, they are in charge. Is that really how you want to feel as an adult and new wife? That his parents are in charge? It’s going to be much much harder to stand up for yourself and shut down bad behavior from his family if you’re living in their home. You can’t tell them how to behave in their own home, and to be honest this seems like a family with zero boundaries. His dad jokes about your sex life? His sister comments she doesn’t want to hear you having sex? His mom is very opinionated? This all says one thing to me: This family has no boundaries. You should not be moving into a house with boundary-less parents as newlyweds. Your life is going to be miserable, and that’s now how you want to spend your first married year. Damage can happen that can’t be repaired. 

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