Newlyweds living with in-laws. I'm hesitant!

posted 8 months ago in Married Life
Post # 31
Member
644 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

Sounds like my idea of hell, I wouldn’t even live with my own parents unless it was literally my only option, let alone someone else’s. That situation will most likely put a big strain on your relationship, and your sanity…

Post # 32
Member
2488 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m in the “no way” camp. And like pp, my rent is way more than 10k a year and I had already lived with my husband before we got married. Independence and privacy are really important to me, and I’d never feel totally comfortable or relaxed under someone else’s roof. 

In the first year you’ll be just getting to know each other as husband and wife, living together for the first time, having sex for the first time, ideally setting up a home together and finding your rhythm as a couple. That’s really special, but it will also be a period of a lot of change and potential stress. You might argue about stuff you never thought you’d care about — do you want you in laws to hear your bickering, or to have to interact with them and pretend things are normal when you’re having a rough day or in the middle of a fight? Do you want to have to have sex quietly and always be anxious that someone will hear you? For me that would kill the enjoyment completely and I’d never be able to let loose.

That’s to say nothing of the fact that living with his family may interfere with your ability to see what living together is really like, because you’ll be living with his family rather than starting your own family. Normally living together for the first time you’ll deal with things like dividing up chores and dealing with each other’s levels of mess or cleanliness — but will that happen when you’re living under someone else’s roof? Will he expect mom to do his laundry? 

I just don’t think it could possibly be worth it, certainly not for as relatively small an amount as 10k. Spend the money on rent! 

Post # 33
Member
1614 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Hard no from me too.  There’s no way I’d be comfortable in someone elses’ space.  Plus SIL will be there during the summer so there’s even less room/privacy?  I’d be in a constant state of stress and my relationship with the IL’s would be damaged. No amount of money saved is worth that.

Post # 34
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Hard no from me. Darling Husband and I have a roommate for a year due to uncertain finances. And that’s bad enough! Trust me, you do not want to live with another person as newlyweds. No amount of money is worth it. Especially in a small house like that. If you absolutely need to save money, get a roommate. Don’t move in with his parents. 

Post # 35
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Hell to the no. Unless it was legitimately necessary like we couldn’t afford an apt and were on the brink of being homeless. Especially not as newlyweds. I happily moved out on my own at 18 and never looked back lol. 

No, NONONONO, just…………nope. 

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