We got engaged earlier in the year but soon after, my husband expressed concerns about not taking it slow enough. He said he wanted to get married but that after only a year together, he felt we didn’t know each other well enough before getting married. However, a few months after this, he said he felt ready to get married and we got married two months ago. I was not concerned about getting engaged and married after a year but, in hindsight, I believe he was right in some ways.
We did not live together before we got married. I travel every month for work and I kept delaying moving in together, although we are about to buy a house together. We are renting together in the meanwhile.
Living together has not been easy. We keep bickering over the smallest things. There are problems that look minor on their own but they add up and create stress.
Other than on weekends, we did not stay over at the other’s place before we got married. After marriage, we have found it super difficult to adjust to each other’s routines and schedules. He’s up at 5 every day and off to the gym while I like to stay as long as I can before getting ready for work. He goes to bed early at 10-10:30, while I stay awake until midnight or later. On weekdays, we get little quality time together and I am beginning to hate it. He gets tired at work and likes to stay in and it’s affecting our social life. We hardly see our friends.
He is very particular about keeping the house clean and tidy. I am not a messy person but compared to him I feel like one. The other day I left my clothes on the sofa when I got in after work and he picked them up while I went to get a drink and put them away. If I leave dishes after dinner, he will want them to be washed up right after dinner because he wants to get things done immediately rather than procrastinate even a little. So if I don’t clean up right away, he will do it.
Now with two months of this, we are both irritated even though it looks like such a small thing.
He wants alone time way more than I do. The transition from meeting twice (max three times) a week to living together has not been great. His need for alone time has become a bigger problem now that we live together. When we didn’t and he wanted alone time, he would simply say he wasn’t able to meet up and that was it. Didn’t create problems.
He doesn’t want to combine money. He wants us to keep individual accounts. It annoys me when we have to keep tabs even as a married couple. We discussed this before we married and I genuinely believed it would not matter, but it’s affecting me.
I so want to adopt a puppy but he is reluctant because we don’t spend enough time at home to look after one. He might come around on this one but it’s taken a lot of convincing.
He wants to wait a couple of years before we start a family, which I’m cool with, but honestly would rather try now because I turned 30 this year. I don’t want to leave it too late.
The reason I asked if we could spend the holidays with our respective families was because in the last month we have argued nearly every day. We needed a break from each other.