(Closed) Newlyweds no sex, a follow up? :(

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 31
2777 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

organizedbee :  Sigh. 

The no sex thing for long periods of time I could handle. The smoking I could handle. The perceived stress from dealing with migratory issues I could handle. The fatigue from long hours of work I could handle. Masturbating to alleviate the personal need for sex I could handle.

Not talking to me about what’s going on that’s changed the relationship so fundamentally? Nope.

Him getting angry and berating me for trying to raise valid concerns about the state of our marriage? Nope.

Him having done a 180 once the papers (be it a marriage license or an immigration deal) are signed? Nope.

His refusal to see this is even a concern? Nope.


All I can say is check your immigration paperwork ASAP. If you signed that paper that says that you will financially support him for the next 10 years or so, regardless of whether you’re still married, contact an immigration attorney STAT. I’m not sure how long you have before you can place a call and cancel the whole thing, but if I were in your shoes I’d find out.

Then I’d just pack up my bags and leave. You say you feel defrauded and nothing you have said in your posts leads me to believe that this wasn’t the case. I don’t know if he was seeking a green card, or if he is simply an asshole who thought once you were his wife he had to put zero effort into the marriage. Whatever the case may be, get out while you still can without the contractual obligations of being his sponsor for residency. 


Post # 32
1798 posts
Buzzing bee

DIVORCE! If you have a joint bank account then take all the money out and put it in your personal account he can’t touch. Then file for divorce. If his name is on the house then you can’t kick him out, but if you can, DO! pack up his stuff in garbage bags and tell him to leave! If he’s driving a car in your name do NOT let him leave, take your car back! You can call police to escort him off your property if you need to, police are used to these situations.

His behavior is inappropriate. I’m convinced he’s using you and the faster you file for divorce/anullment the better! You know getting married for citizenship is fraud and you can get in a lot of trouble, right? Save yourself!

Post # 33
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

organizedbee :  What country is your husband from?

Post # 34
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’m so sorry. Sounds like you were used for immigration purposes or he has a new love interest?

Post # 35
1330 posts
Bumble bee

So what I’ve gathered from your posts is that:

-he has stopped having sex and giving you any physical affection as soon as you got married

-he refuses to discuss the problem 

-he is acting totally different now you’re married

-nothing in your relationship or lives has changed other than you got married

-he needs to be married to you to get a visa/residency

I’m sorry to say it but I agree with others in that it looks like he was using you to get into the country. I’d get some advice and look into my rights and get a divorce/annulment if I were you. You’ve tried every reasonable option to find out and solve the problem, it doesn’t look like he’s suddenly become depressed or lost his sex drive for any reason either. I really feel like you’ve been used for a visa here.

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