(Closed) Newlyweds: The Dreaded Holiday Compromise. How's it going?

posted 7 years ago in Holidays
  • poll: Our first married Christmas and the compromise is...
    Going well! We already had a plan in place so nothing really changes : (46 votes)
    41 %
    Going well, we compromise super easily and I love his family so it's no big deal : (33 votes)
    30 %
    It's okay...I'm not thrilled about some of what I/we have to do but...that's life : (24 votes)
    22 %
    We'll get there...we've had a couple arguments but we will figure it out! : (3 votes)
    3 %
    It's awful...I can't think of anything worse than having to spend Christmas with his family : (5 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    3829 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I always hate this because his family likes to monopolize our time.  We are going for a 5 day trip with them after christmas so i put my foot down.  We will be at their house for lunch on christmas day, but christmas night and boxing day we are with my family. 

    They have us for 5 days when i have to miss both my exteneded family christmas’s. They can deal with it. 

    Post # 4
    1684 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    My folks and his are a little more than an hour apart. 

    In the past, I stay with his parents Christmas Eve, and then head up to my parents Christmas morning.

    This year, however, we’re engaged, so we are splitting up holidays. He gave up Thanksgiving with his family, so I’m giving up Christmas with mine.  I’m bummed, but it had to happen.

    Post # 5
    322 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    All of our families live in the same town as well. I think what we are going to do is get up and have our christmas, just the two of us. Then, we will go to my parents house for brunch and presents. We normally go to his parents house in the late afternoon/early evening. I don’t see it being a huge issue. That is, unless the Mother-In-Law makes it a big issue as per usual. Undecided

    Post # 6
    5656 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2012

    Luckily, my family doesn’t really care about Christmas (infact many of them hate it) and are not religious either, so they totally don’t care if they see me a week later. (My family lives around 5 hours away, so it’s not like we can spend part of the day at one place and the rest of the day somewhere else).

    I LOVE Christmas with my DH’s family! He has a much bigger family and overall Christmas is actually a big deal with them! There are all kinds of traditions and games and fun stuff like that!

    My SIL (DH’s sister) has started alternating years. First year she was at her husband’s family’s place, the next year she was with us, this year she’s with them again (Once again she has to fly between families, so it’s not like she can split the day up). Even if she’s not there for Christmas day, she usually arrives just a few days later (on the 27 or 28). Seems to work for them.

    Post # 7
    781 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    My family and his family only live about an hour away from each other. But his family (extended) does their get together on Christmas eve, and mine (parents&siblings) has always done Christmas day. So it works out great! But honestly, if we were to have to choose, I would probably choose his family. They make a Christmas a ‘bigger deal’ than my family, and there are tons of kids in the family, so it’s always fun to see them so excited about Christmas.

    Post # 8
    1278 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    Our parents are BOTH divorced AND his family lives about an HOUR away from mine which makes it ALMOST impossible to be fair during the holidays! His dad lives in Washington so we never get to see him on the holidays. We are doing Christmas Eve DAY with my dad, Christmas Eve NIGHT with his family in Pahrump, spending the night there and doing Christmas AM there with his family as well, and then driving back here to Vegas to have Christmas DAY/Evening with my family. We won’t see his dad till the week before the wedding:( It’s sooooo difficult to share time evenly for the holidays.

    Post # 9
    9824 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I really like SOs family so it’s not a big deal.  Last year we were just at his but this year we can do something with mine on the 22/23rd and then go to his family’s for the 24th and 25th.  Everything is located roughly within a 4-5 hour radius of where we live (though from one end to the other is more like an 8 hour trip) so it is pretty driveable.  His parents are divorced so we are missing what his mother is doing but it’s this weekend and it’s just too far of a drive to do without time off.

    Liking his family helps a lot.  I could imagine it would be quite miserable if you hated them!

    Post # 10
    1902 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012 - Franklin Plaza

    Ah, I understand the frustration! This is our first married Christmas together, but we have been doing this for 7 years now so we have a good system in place. We live only a few minutes away from his family, but about 3 hours away from my family. I also have some family about 1.5 away in a completely different direction. Thanksgiving and Christmas go a little like this:

    On Thanksgiving we host my parents/siblings and his parents/siblings. The day after Thanksgiving we drive and spend the day with my family members who live 1.5 hours away.

    On Christmas Eve we drive 3 hours north to my parents. We have Christmas Eve dinner there and spend the night. We exchange gifts early in the morning and then drive the 3 hours back down for Christmas dinner with his parents.

    It definitely took us a few years to work out the kinks, but we finally have a plan that keeps everyone happy! Good luck and be grateful that you do not have to do much traveling!! 🙂

    Post # 11
    3112 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2018

    Our families live within an hour of each other. We will spend Christmas Eve and Christmas morning together. After breakfast we will head to our own families. I’ll spend the night with mine and then head back on the 26th.

    Hopefully, next year we will have moved into our “family” home and will host everyone. I am excited to do that!!! All I’ve wanted for years and years now is to get have everyone at my place 🙂


    Post # 12
    969 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    This is our 4th Christmas together since we started dating and we’ve always spent them with my family since his family lives in a different province.  Darling Husband mentioned wanting to spend Christmas in Ottawa this year but I told him I’d rather spend it at home since it will be our first Christmas as a married couple and also our first Christmas in our new home together. Thankfully, he agreed. 

    So next year we’ll be spending it with his family which bums me out if I’m being honest.  I have a huge family and Christmas is a BIG deal, full of tons of family traditions.  His family is tiny and don’t fully embrace the spirit of Christmas – they don’t even put up a tree.  It definitely won’t be the same.

    But I guess marriage is about compromise, right?

    Post # 13
    11744 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    we live near his family and far from mine. we’re going our separate ways this year.  We spent Thanksgiving together with his family. Last year we spent Thanksgiving apart and Xmas with mine, so we alternated this year. No clue what next year will bring when we’re married. Honestly, it doesn’t bother me much until children are in the picture. THere’s no harm to us in spending the holidays apart – we get to see each other every other day of the year!

    Post # 15
    5474 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Our families are both local, so we just make the rounds for holidays.  Lukcily we don’t have too many issues of conflicting time schedules 🙂 

    Post # 14
    1108 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I have to say I’m quite lucky in this respect… our parents are all very understanding.

    This is our second Christmas living together and we are spending Christmas day with FI’s family, since we spent it with mine last year.  We will likely either stop to visit my parents on Christmas morning on the way to his parents’ house or in the evening on our way home.  

    It helps that this year my FI’s extended family moved their Christmas to this coming weekend, so that took one family event off the radar.

    Post # 16
    13563 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    @MrsDrRose612:  We’re so much like you! Our parents are in the same town, but we somehow still have the hardest time figuring things out. Currently, we see both our families on both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, but that’s kind of exhausting. Plus, it doesn’t leave us much time for our own husband+wife Christmas.

    My husband wants to compromise so that we see one family on Christmas Eve and the other on Christmas Day. Don’t get me wrong — that’s totally logical! I’m just not sure I’m ready to tell either set of parents that they won’t see us on Christmas Day, especially when we all live so close — I don’t feel like we really have any excuse!

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