(Closed) Newlyweds who cohabitated, what changed after the wedding?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1820 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

It is more than that.  My husband and I owned a house together and had lived together for 5 years when we got married, so nothing really changed in terms of the nuts and bolts of our daily lives (running a household, paying bills, managing our social lives, etc.).  BUT, marriage has a certain gravity that I have had a difficult time articulating.  When you disagree, it means more.  When you act on feelings of love, it means more.  When you discuss your future, it means more.  All of these things take on a certain weight when you get married – and it fills your lives and your home in a way it did not before.  I found that we treated each other just a little bit differently, spoke about each other just a little bit differently, and started planning our future in a way that we had not before.

Post # 5
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@littlemissmango: I used to feel the same way about living together, like coming back to your shared home after the wedding would be so anticlimactic. However, like you I am living with my fiance now. It just made sense for us and honestly I don’t think our relationship would be where it is now if we weren’t living together. It made us realize how perfect we were for each other. Spending 90% of your non-work time with something and not wanting to rip their hair out wasn’t something I ever thought was possible… but it is! Anyway, I don’t regret it but I definitely wonder if we will go back to the house after our wedding day and nothing will be any different.

Post # 6
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

@septcabride: YES – I agree with all of this

Darling Husband and I have been together for 5 years and have lived together for almost 4 of them. Our daily lives didnt really change but something else did and its hard to put my finger on it. Its just a sense of being more connected and really being a team. We feel closer than ever before. It stays the same, yet it changes.

Post # 8
Member
9053 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

Something changed, but it’s hard to identify.  We lived together in an apartment that we owned for two years before getting married, and always intended to be together forever, but there was just a new certainty that kind of came into play. 

Also, there was some external factors that changed.  I always had a feeling that both our families were somewhat cautious about us “giving up too much for someone you’re just living with” and a lot of that has gone away since we got married which has relieved some of the pressure that that caused.  A lot came with our official engagment but really being married was like finally being taken really seriously.

I’d get the odd questions from my mom about why I’d agree to live in a city that’s so expensive for him and away from my family, and not the best working environment, and pay money toward a mortgage that’s not mine, and all the explaining in the world kind of fell on deaf ears.  Somehow “because he’s my husband” is just the final word.

Post # 9
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I love this post because it is something I have been worried about for a while! We have been living together for the bast two years and I have always been afraid that nothing would change after we were actually married.

Post # 10
Member
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Didn’t a couple of bees post on this recently? Here’s Mrs. Starfish on the subject.

Post # 11
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

This post was a great idea, I love hearing your answers. Even though you say its hard to explain, I can understand what you guys are getting at (even if I still have to experience it to completely understand) I’m interested to hear more answers!

Post # 12
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Ah I’m not the only one!  There’s just something about coming home to your husband that’s different than Fiance.  But I agree, can’t quite put my finger on it but maybe I just “feel” more.

Post # 13
Member
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@littlemissmango: i had the same sentiments as you. didn’t want to live together before being married, but ended up doing it out of necessity, a year and 1 month before our wedding.

i had the same thoughts, that nothing would be different, but in all honesty. there IS a HUGE difference. not necessarily in the daily tasks or life’s schedule (which obviously won’t change much before or after a wedding). but the way we interact and speak to each other is on a whole different level. the endless support from our parents pre-wedding seems like its doubled, just because of the “official”ness of our marriage. everything has a more serious, in a good way, effect on our lives and each other. the intimacy and the comfort of knowing “this is forever” is a HUGE subconscious factor that is def noticeable post-wedding. ๐Ÿ™‚

 

Post # 14
Member
2066 posts
Buzzing bee

Another vote for something changes, but I can’t articulate it.  We’re even more of a team now.  Future conversations are more important than before.  Not sure if any of this makes sense, but yes, things do change.

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