(Closed) Newlyweds who did not live together before the wedding!

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

As someone who lives with my fiance, and have since about 3 months after we started dating, I can’t see how you couldn’t live together before you get married and of course there are religious reasons that I understand.  I can see how you want to have the “start a new life together” thing, but what if you find out you can’t stand living together after you are married?  R and I have found out SO MUCH about each other since we’ve lived together and it’s been an excellent experience and brought us so close.  After marriage we can look forward to continuing our travels and having kids right away because we won’t have to get use to just being around each other!

 

Post # 4
Member
826 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Honestly I think it took SO much pressure off by living together before the wedding. I can’t imagine dealing with wedding stress and having to get used to living with somebody at the same time! But I understand why people wait for religious reasons. 

Post # 5
Member
2280 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’m not living with my SO before marriage. But I’m not doing it for religious reasons. They’re still valid reasons and my relationship is just as good as anyone else’s.

I’d like to hear from bees who moved in together after marriage as well. 🙂

Post # 6
Member
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Agree- our first year living together was a little rough, it’s definitely gotten smoother since then (we’ve lived together about 2.5 yrs in total now).  I’m glad that whole experience wasn’t my “1st year of marriage”…

To each their own I guess.  I don’t hear people who did live together before marriage, and went on to marry, saying they regret the living together and wished they had delayed it till after the wedding.

Post # 7
Member
820 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

We didn’t live together before the wedding, not for religious reasons but just simply “because.” I felt I didn’t want to until we got engaged, and then when we got engaged, my sister had recently moved to Boston and was going to live with me and I figured I had my whole life to live with him! Haha. I also wanted that exciting feeling of moving in right around wedding time, just like you. I don’t regret it one bit! That being said, we were together 5 years before we got married, so there haven’t actually been any surprises living together. We’d already spent so much time staying over each other’s places or going on trips together over 5 years so there wasn’t really anything new to discover. 

I think some things are different about being married, but thats another post, and I don’t think the differences are related to living together but more just making the union official. I find living together a lot of fun. I didn’t anticipate how much more I would look forward to just hanging out at home with the hubby! It makes it hard to want to go out sometimes, haha! Overall I’d say the transition was exciting and fun and not anything difficult at all. That being said, I can understand why people who live together pre-wedding can’t imagine not, but I really think that I knew him well enough to marry him, so even if he had an annoying habit of leaving dishes in the sink or pressing snooze too many times, it wouldn’t have changed my mind.

Post # 8
Member
1194 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My fiance and I had a LDR for 1 1/2 year before I moved to the same state as him, we then dated 1 year before moving in together.

Honestly, our transition has been seamless, and I think part of that is because we took it slow.  We got to know one another, we got to see what each other liked and didn’t like before we lived together and we learned to appreciate what time we had together.  And when we finally did move in together, we were not only excited but we were ready to settle and ready to compromise if it meant seeing each other every single day and sleeping together every night.

I think the transition from living apart to living together depends a lot on your personalities, having an understanding of each other’s personalities and communication.  I know that my fiance likes a clean kitchen, even though I never saw that before we lived together.  Because of that, I know to immediately do my dishes right after dirtying them.  We communicated about our pet peeves and our habits.  Having conversations like that helps.  And it’ll make things easier.

Regardless of if you’re married or not married, living together is definitely an adjustment and can be difficult.  But, it is also wonderful.

Post # 9
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Sorry, I hope my post didn’t sound rude, I was just giving my opinion with my experience.  I wasn’t trying to put down people who decide not to live together before the marriage, I always just wondered what would happen if you found out you couldn’t stand living with each other after you get married.

Post # 10
Member
1981 posts
Buzzing bee

My Fiance doesn’t 100% live with me. I’d say he lives here around 60% of the time–at least 2 nights a week and over the weekends. I have lived with him full time before, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with not living with someone.

I DO think sleepovers are a good idea, even if you’re not doing anything (even if he’s sleeping on the couch!), because you want to see how he is for a full 24 hours and vice versa.

Post # 11
Member
695 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

We didn’t live together before the wedding, and it wasn’t a tough transition at all.  We used to sleep over each other’s apartments every night anyway, and we used to live a 10 minute walk away from each other.  I don’t see why you would NEED to live with someone before you got married, since if you’re compatible enough to decide to get married, you will probably be compatible enough to live together!  At least I would think so…

Post # 12
Member
1508 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I didn’t live with my husband before the wedding. Some things have been tough, others not so hard. We just have to communicate a lot and talk about what’s bothering us.

Post # 13
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Nlmiele, I totally agree!  I am also not living with my FH before the wedding for a bunch of reasons.  Just like you, I’m really excited about the prospect of the “new life” and I don’t want it to feel the same after the wedding, but also because I knew we might be in for the long haul and I wanted to have as much of my own life and independence in my 20’s as possible.  I am very excited to “set up house” with my fiance.  We’re both very opinonated about things, but I feel like the excitement and newness of being married may help us get over any disagreements we may have about where the handtowels are kept. 

I really, really hope I feel like MonaLisa670.  And like some of the other ladies, my FH and I sleep over all the time (our houses are 7 blocks apart) so I feel like there won’t be any rude surprises.

I don’t have any advice yet, since obviously I’m in the same boat, but all I’ve heard is communication has to be good.  So I am signing us up for a hardcore couples counseling weekend and I’m hoping some conflict management techniques will help see us through? 

I just can’t wait to make dinner in our house and fall asleep in our bed!  Tend our garden and end the work day with drinks on our porch!  OMG, I’m excited!

Post # 14
Member
818 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I’ve enjoyed the transition. My husband didn’t live with me until we were married and he only stayed over a handful of times before the wedding. It wasn’t super hard but we did find that communication was important. We still need to unpack some of his stuff, but it’s been a fairly smooth transition.

For me the hardest part has been that I suffer from insomnia and so I can’t sit in bed and read until 3 a.m. because it keeps him awake. He’s pretty understand, but he also works some stressful hours, so I find myself out in the living room a lot.  Also, grocery shopping has become more interesting. We always try to get things that the other really likes and skip those that one of us dislikes. It’s nice having somebody to help with chores too. I enjoy having him there to curl up with in bed when I am able to sleep. Hearing my husband wake up enough to ask how I am or tell me that he loves me is one of the most wonderful things ever.  It’s been fun listening to each others’ tv shows and sharing books.

I’m glad we didn’t live together before (religious reasons) because it has made our transition from single to married even more interesting. We’ve learned a lot about each other and about ourselves during this. Communication is really important though. We’ve learned that we both need alone time once in a while, and we both need to respect that.  Hope this helps!

Post # 15
Member
3252 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I live with my FH. I honestly do not think you truly know a persons mannerisms until you have lived with them. But to each his or her own.

Post # 16
Member
14185 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Darling Husband moved in officially about 6 months after the wedding. It’d been years since we’d lived together (even then, only a summer) so it was nothing like that summer.

Living with him is cake. We’re really respectful of our own spaces (he leaves me alone while i’m in the bathroom, courteous about dishes, etc) and sharing things like the tv and chores.

But, then again, after 5+ years in a LDR, we have really great communication skills. It was completely easy for us. There were no difficulties, no fights, no problems, etc. So I think it’s safe to say not everybody goes through the “Rough patch” of living together, but I haven’t really met many people who’ve had it as peacefully as us. My friend moved in with her Fiance and it was incredibly hard for them.

But the excitement of finally cohabiting does wear off. We’re just blissfully peaceful about the whole thing.

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