(Closed) Next time you're at a party, do everyone a favor

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
2354 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I have to say, sometimes I feel uncomfortable when people ask me questions like the ones you listed. In my circle, and most parties I’ve been to, the general consensus is that you talk about everything and nothing at the same time.

Food, cars, tv shows, bars, cat gifs…all fun to talk about and acquaintance worthy chitter chatter.

When people start asking things that feel like an interview, I tend to excuse myself. 

Of course there are always people that love sharing their whole life story with you…and that is fine for me because I just get to listen, smile and nod. I don’t have to share anything about myself. 

Post # 17
Member
4113 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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NowMrsS:  Ugh.. My eyes are rolling to the back of my head. I sure don’t need to have an interview-style conversation with everyone I meet but oh my god, how can some people be so irritating! Oh you drink whiskey neat? Just shut up and drink it then.

We have this one acquaintance that we both avoid like the plague. One time we had the misfortune of being seated across from her at a dinner party and she talked about how much money her boss spends on dinner for the better part of an hour. I was more or less crawling out of my seat to butt into someone elses conversation.. It was just so pointless and boring.

Post # 19
Member
911 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I’m pretty bad at this and it’s not because I’m rude. I’m just that type of introvert….standing silently next to someone I don’t know comes way more naturally to me than asking random small talk questions.

I also feel like if someone is talking about something about them or something they did, it should be easy to jump in and relate with similar information about yourself, if you want to.

Post # 20
Member
1247 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

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zippy85:  Ugh! I hear you! Also, remember that a dialogue is a back and forth conversation with two (or more) people) – not a soliloquy. I just came back from a barbeque and was talking to this guy that I know a bit and have met a couple of times. He reminded me why I don’t like talking to him. You try to converse with him, and he keeps talking over top of you – constantly! He never lets you finish a sentence or a complete thought. It’s like, are we having a conversation, or do you just enjoy hearing your own voice!!

Post # 21
Member
1705 posts
Bumble bee

Ugh, I totally know what you mean. One of my pet peeves is leaving a conversation at a party and realizing the other person didn’t ask me a single thing about myself. Sometimes I’ve even been in a position to help someone’s career, but because they never asked me anything about myself, I’ve just let them prattle on and on and walk away.

Of course, I’ve also had conversations where I’ve gone home and thought, “Oh god, I just went on and on about myself, they must’ve thought I was so insufferable!”

Post # 22
Member
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would say that I’m pretty introverted until I get to know people quite well. When I’m talking to someone new, I’m usually in my head panicking the entire time going “Oh god, they said their name five seconds ago and now I can’t remember it. How did they say they know so-and-so? Crap! They’ve said my names three times during the conversation and now they’re introducing me to another one of their friends who just walked up. Why can’t I remember their name?! I have the memory of a goldfish. Oh god, now how do they know the new person they just introduced me to and crap, I can’t remember their name either!” So when people open the door to a conversation that I can relate back to myself, I feel like its the only opportunity I have to be a part of the conversation and not stand there panicking and awkward. Its not that I don’t want to know about you. Its just that I’m having a nervous breakdown trying to say all the right things and remember everyone’s name, that I forget to ask the questions back.

Post # 23
Member
1680 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

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zippy85:  Lol. I’ve walked out of many events relieved I didn’t have to do all the talking and all I had to do was ask a few questions and the other person did all the talking lol. I only care if it’s people close to me but if they’re strangers or associates I could care less if they don’t ask me about myself.

Post # 24
Member
1819 posts
Buzzing bee

More and more I feel surrounded by people not listening to the conversation and adding pertinent input but simply waiting (sometimes interrupting) to say whatever they want to say that has nothing to do with anything relevant. 

Post # 25
Member
530 posts
Busy bee

I have the opposite problem. Too much asking about other people and I never talk to myself. I don’t want to come off as a narccisiss…

Post # 26
Member
1308 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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theatrejulia:  this is good! so true!

Post # 27
Member
1617 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Maybe I’m weird, but I ask people tons of questions. I’m paranoid I look nosey, but I’m just genuinely curious in how you’re living your life, lol. Maybe I can learn something from you, :).

Post # 28
Member
13815 posts
Honey Beekeeper

To those who say the OP’s questions come across as too nosy or interviewing, she didn’t say she asks all of them at the same time!  They were just some examples of conversation starters. 

Post # 29
Member
1149 posts
Bumble bee

I feel like I could’ve written this post! These days no one really cares about anyone else – they just wanna brag about themselves!!! One of FI’s friends constantly talks about his house, job, his ‘pay raise’ (which I believe is crap because I googled the average salary for his career and apparently he’s making 3x more than average even though we live in a podunk town lol). Anyway, every time I hang out with FI’s friends, they don’t ask ANY questions!! Or it’s all memories that I wasn’t there for. Or they talk about themselves. The one question they have asked me is, “do you like football?” “Uh, no.” Move along. The sad part is you can’t make someone ask you questions or make you feel more welcome. I read that people will like you more If you ask them questions about themselves or let them talk about themselves. Sad but true!

Post # 30
Member
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Thanks for the reminder! I always focus on this but sometimes when people keep asking me questions, I find it hard to get a chance to ask them questions…have to try harder for sure!

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