- 7 years ago
- Wedding: July 2010
Sorry, long post.
My new husband and I are really struggling with charting. We took a class over a year ago, and I thought I understood the principles and rules, but every time something unexpected happens in my cycle, I freak out. We really are not ready to have a baby yet, and the thought of being pregnant so soon makes us both feel doomed and terrified. He’s more scared about it than me, I think, and I’m afraid if I make a mistake in NFP that results in an unintended pregnancy, then he’ll blame me and resent me and it will really affect our marriage very negatively. We do eventually want kids, but when we’re closer to 30 than 25. Because carefully planning my pregnancy down to the month is the only way I can even imagine being a first-time mother and keeping my career, an unintended pregnancy would make me either feel I have to give up my career, would distract me so much from my job that I’d get fired, or make me seriously depressed because I’ll be convinced I’m a bad mother spending too much time at work and not enough with her baby. I’m the kind of person who likes to be in control of things. Right now, NFP is making me feel incredibly out of control, and I thought it was supposed to do the opposite.
Ways to help:
Explain to me what role a husband can possibly have in NFP. In our class, we heard how it’s the most fair kind of birth control because all other kinds rely only on the woman. But I’ve been doing it all by myself so far. I’m the one who wakes up for a temp, charts it and attempts to interpret the chart. Also, I take my temp at 4:30, much earlier than Darling Husband wakes up. He has had nothing to do with it so far, so I don’t think he even knows or understands enough about it to take a more active role.
Help me figure out how to be more consistent with my temperatures. What do I do when I accidentally wake up an hour before I’m supposed to take the temp, and can’t fall back asleep? What if that happens 5 days in a row during a crucial time in the cycle? What if in the dark and in my sleepiness, I accidentally turn the thermometer off, or if I forget to turn it on, or if I think I forgot to turn it on because I don’t remember hearing the beep, and so I hit the button again, turning it off?
I really have trouble observing anything on my tissue or sensation. Often, the only sign I see/feel is lubrication sensation or glide in the bathroom. Someone can explain this to me all day and give me something to read, but it doesn’t make my body give these signs or give me the mental space to look for them. Like I might actually have that moist, bubble-popped-inside feeling, but if my mind is consumed with what I’m doing when it happens, I will not notice it. And when my husband’s semen comes out of me in the morning (even on a day that should be infertile) I freak out because I’m afraid it’s EWM and I missed a sign and had sex at a fertile time. And I have no idea how to check my cervix. It’s so invisible and mysterious to me. This means I’m relying pretty heavily on temperatures, and as you see above, I’m having problems with that too!
Reassure me that I’m not currently pregnant! It’s day 32 of my cycle and no period yet. My average cycle length is 29 days, so I’m still in the ballpark. I’ve had 34 day cycles before. I thought I observed peak on day 19 (which is around my average as well). But the issue is that I missed temperatures on days 13-19, so the only pre-peak baseline I have is from days 6-12. My temperatures on days 21, 22, and 23 were higher than that baseline by .4-1.5 degrees. Then we had sex on the evening of day 24. I thought I felt safe about it because it was 5 days from what I thought was peak, and there were 3 high temperatures. This is the only day we’re worried about. Earlier in the cycle we were very good about not having sex.
Assuming I’m not currently pregnant, my husband wants to deal with this next month by being almost abstinent. Help me think of a way to convince him this is a bad idea. When we were talking last night about it, I said that I had initiated on day 24 because we hadn’t done anything for the previous 8 days (and those were my most horny of course). I’m afraid I’ll go nuts if we go cold turkey.
Explain to me how to use NFP without flipping out about irregularities and unexpected things in my cycle. I can’t handle the stress of thinking I might be pregnant every other month. And every time my cycle is on just the late side of normal, I will worry about that. I’m paranoid about it. I’m afraid that no matter how reasonably I can explain it to myself, I will still have this kernel of doubt that will drive me crazy.