(Closed) Nice Gesture? What do you think

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee

It was nice of her to keep you in mind. But….I don’t think you can put your life on hold for someone else.

Post # 4
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@GwenvonD: I think it’s a very nice gesture but it could backfire.  It’s great if you are getting engaged in the next few months.  To wait that time is no problem at all (particularly given she’s not ready).  But, as we all know, waiting generally drags on longer than expected/hoped.  You don’t want to run into a situation where she is resentful she said this months down the line (while you’re also resentfully waiting for your proposal).  I’d thank her very graciously for it, tell her how sweet and thoughtful it is, then let her know it’s unnecessary – that every relationship proceeds at its own pace to its own drummer and it’s ok, she should march to her own beat.

I wouldn’t worry about whether she feels sorry for you.  She’s your best friend, she’s trying to look out for you and she’s actually saying with it she doesn’t expect it’ll take more than 6 months for you to get engaged.  It sounds more like empathy for your situation than really that she feels sorry for you or pities you.

Post # 5
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@GwenvonD: Wow, are you living my life? My best friend did something very similar. Her bf was moving waay to fast and she knew that a proposal was coming soon for me (she helped Fiance pick the ring), so she told him that she didn’t think that it was the right time for them at that point in their relationship. I didn’t know a proposal was coming at the time, but when she told me about it I was super touched and it made me realize how great of a friend she was. We had started growing apart a little, and that really helped bring us back together as friends.

I know she didn’t feel sorry for me, but she really wanted me to be happy and experience it all so when she got engaged I’d be totally involved in her and her wedding like she is in mine. Maybe this is where your friend is coming from also?

Post # 7
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

It may also be a way for her to slow her bf down some, without making him think she’s saying no.  Guy’s egos are more fragile than they appear…

Post # 8
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree with not telling J!

I don’t know how I would feel about it. I think I might probably be a little offended.

Post # 9
Member
858 posts
Busy bee

it was nice of her to say that but I dont think it was as much about you getting engaged first as it was about her wanting to feel better for not being ready yet it sounds like she wanted more of an excuse then just I am not ready yet to fall back on when telling her guy. on a side note its nice to hear of a girl making a guy wait for a change, it made me giggle insideInnocent

Post # 10
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

I would say, thanks but don’t use me as an excuse! Baha! I would tell her that I wouldn’t hold my engagement for her (or anyone) so she should do the same. Get engaged when you want 🙂

Post # 12
Member
272 posts
Helper bee

@GwenvonD:I think that she should get married when she’s personally ready, not allowing the actions of others to dictate her matrimonial situation

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