(Closed) “Nice to meet you. Get me a present?”

posted 6 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@abeenonymous:  I can understand why you would feel uncomfortable with that, however since they are invited to the wedding *and* your Future Mother-In-Law is the one hosting the shower, I doubt they will see it as a gift grab.

Just try to enjoy meeting new people and be a gracious gift receiver.

Post # 3
Member
491 posts
Helper bee

It sounds like your Future Mother-In-Law is hosting, so these ladies would know that she was the one inviting them and that you aren’t just grabbing for gifts. 

 

I can still see that you might feel akward, but I personally don’t think I would be too concerned about it. If it really bothers you though tell her what you’re thinking. 

Post # 4
Member
305 posts
Helper bee

the women your fmil invited are probably her close friends who know your fi very well and probably saw him grow up.  since men don’t typically get showers, you guessed it, you are the one in the spotlight.  just smile and be gracious!

Post # 5
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m sure your guests won’t think you a gift-grubber.  That said, I fully empathize with your feeling funny about the whole thing.  

Is it meeting new people that makes you nervous, or opening gifts in front of said new people?  Or both?  Maybe you can ask your future mother-in-law about hosting a different type of shower for you–one that reflects your interests.  I’ve heard of book parties, recipe parties, and all sorts of others.  If it’s based on things you genuinely enjoy, perhaps it’ll ease the awkwardness a bit.

Post # 6
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I totally understand. I agree with what the other PPs are saying but I think I would feel just as uncomfortable.

Post # 8
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Maybe it would help if you knew what kind of relation your Fiance has with these women. The other way you can think about these are gifts for you to support you Fiance in your futur life together.

Post # 9
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@abeenonymous:  Do you think your Future Mother-In-Law would be opposed to hosting a bridal luncheon or something of the sort, as opposed to a traditional shower?  If she’s open to it, I bet it would take a lot of pressure off of you.

Post # 10
Member
46404 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It is not uncommon for a Mom’s friends to want to shower her daughter with gifts. It’s a social occasion for them. They are not so much celebrating your wedding, but your mother’s daughter’s wedding. They also like to meet the bride before the wedding.

Just make sure that someone who recognizes all of them sits beside you so they can whisper to you ” The lady in the blue dress on the sofa” and you can turn to her  and say ” Thank-you Mrs Blank for the towels.”

Post # 11
Member
305 posts
Helper bee

you can change the name of it to luncheon and the women will still bring gifts.  this is what people do.  so, just suck it up and enjoy. you will be seeing these women again throughout your life; baby showers, christenings, your kids graduations they will most likely get your children gifts, etc.  don’t let your umcomfortable-ness at the thought of opening gifts make you look ungracious. 

Post # 12
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I agree that no one will see you as gift grabby in this situation. Plus, look at it as a way to meet the ladies so there aren’t “strangers” at your wedding!

Post # 13
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’ve been to a shower where I didn’t know the bride before. My moms very good friend has twO boys and i grew up with them. Hadn’t seeN each other a ton in adult life bit our moms were still close and when shower time came around for his fiancée mom and I went. I didn’t feel like it was a gift grab at all as I was there to support my “aunt”. 

Post # 14
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Honestly, OP, I can empathize with your feelings.  I was asked for a guest list by my sisters who are throwing me my shower (etiquette be damned – my one sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor and no other bridesmaids and they were so excited about throwing one) because they really don’t know who my good friends are.  I did include FI’s family, but only family that I had met.  Now there’s this big issue because we believe FI’s mom is calling people on her side to ask who received invites and who didn’t.  I see it the same way…you don’t know me, but buy me a present.  And these aren’t people with whom my fiance had any sort of relationship with.  Heck, I only invited one or two of my own 20,000 cousins.

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