Post # 1
My fiancé and I are getting married next year. We already have a house, and I have two children from a previous relationship, so we’re pretty much set up by way of items for the future (household appliances,furniture, ornaments, children related stuff etc) but what we don’t have is much extra money, so we can’t afford a honeymoon. Is there a nice way to ask people to donate towards our honeymoon instead of buying us a gift we won’t use? We did consider setting up a “honeymoon fund” with our travel agents that people could pay directly in to, but then the agents told us that once the holiday was paid in full, any excess donations would be kept by the travel agents and they would give us a voucher instead of giving us back the excess funds, and I didn’t think that was fair. I don’t want people to be offended by us asking for money though, and I don’t want them to feel obliged to give us a huge amount either! Any tips on how to handle this? Does anyone have any experience from either their own wedding or a wedding they have attended?
Post # 3
@TheLawrenceBride: I don’t think there is ever a nice way to ask for gifts, regardless of what you’re asking for. If you prefer a cash gift, I would simply not register and spread the information by word of mouth. However, tread carefully, it is never okay to feel as though you are entitled to gifts from your guests. Best of luck.
EDIT: IF you want tips on how to get cash from your guests, my only one is to invite Chinese people. We always give cash as gifts 😉
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
Just don’t register. We didn’t, and most people gave us cash in lieu of gifts.
Post # 5
I can already tell you you’re going to be barraged by people saying ‘there’s no nice way! It’s rude and super inappropriate!’ but I urge you to ignore them if it’s acceptable in your culture. My culture and social group accepts monetary gifts as a given, and if yours does too then you probably have to do very little to hint at it! If people ask (and they will) just be honest. Don’t pussyfoot around the issue. If this is normal for your social group/family, then there’s no reason you can’t just do it.
Good luck 🙂
Post # 6
Don’t register. Most people will give you cash anyway. Maybe spread info by word of mouth if people ask. There might be some who get you random gifts or gift cards anyway but they will probably do it regardless of what you ask for.
Post # 7
@TheLawrenceBride: We just didn’t have a registry. Usually when a couple doesn’t have a registry, it’s an unspoken indicator that they prefer money. We did get some lovely box gifts, but pretty much almost everyone gave us money or universal gift cards (AMEX gift cards). Honestly, your best bet is to stay as quiet as possible re: gifts. Some people prefer to give box gifts or that may be all they can afford – you don’t want to offend them by saying you prefer cash/no box gifts. This is what we did, and we were very pleasantly surprised. 🙂
Post # 8
Unless it is a cultural norm, there really IS no nice way to ask for money. Writing a “super cutesy” poem just makes the whole situation a deal worse too. However, if you don’t set up a registry most people will realise that cash gifts are the way to go. Sure, you may get gift cards but as a pp has said, some people always will give gift cards regardless!
Post # 9
@housebee: I know what you mean, I definitely don’t want anyone to feel like they have to get us a gift at all, and I don’t want to upset people by implying that they do. Word of mouth sounds like a good idea, I know some people have been asking my dad if we have registered anywhere, I’m sure I could ask him to let them know diplomatically that they don’t have to get us anything, but if they really want to we would appreciate a donation towards the honeymoon…
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
I remember that the bee JenGirl had a great writeup of her experience with a honeymoon registry. Try searching for that.
Post # 11
There is no polite, let alone dignified way to beg for cash amongst your friends and family.
Your wedding guests are not and should not be regarded as a potential income stream that you are entitled to direct as you please. They are not.
Post # 12
There is no nice way to ask for money. None. Your guests aren’t there to finance your honeymoon. If you can’t afford one, perhaps you could put it off a few months or a year to give yourselves time to save up for an anniversary trip.
Post # 13
Thank you all for the responses! My biggest fear is upsetting my guests, and I don’t want anything to create awkwardness concerning the big day, so I see the best way to go is to just not register and leave it at that. I know some people have been asking my dad what gifts we want, and i’ll let him know that we would prefer monetary gifts than items, but I will be sure to emphasise to anyone that asks that they are definitely not obliged to get us anything, and that their presence on the big day is what we care most about 🙂
Post # 14
@Zhabeego: That is not how the post was intended to sound at all, it was only that people have been asking what they can get us, and there’s really nothing we need. I certainly wouldn’t expect anyone to fund my honeymoon, and I’ve already mentioned several times that I don’t expect any gift at all. Marriage isn’t forgifts, it’s for love.
Post # 15
We just set up a really small registry. So if that gets bought up, I’m sure most people will get the hint. Either don’t register or do a very small registry.
Post # 16
Just don’t register or tell people you want money. People only give cash at weddings anyways!