(Closed) Nice way to say, “Hands off!” to a MIL?

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
1835 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@cheese: Ah! We just told my Mother-In-Law yesterday and I’m already getting the “so, how’s your uterus? Have you felt any differences in your vaginal canal or cervix when you do your internal exams?” UHHHH…just because I’m pregnant does NOT mean my jayjay is public news now. That’s like asking my SIL, how’s your vagina been feeling lately? Luckily I’m only about 9/10 weeks along so the bump isn’t an issue but I will definitely ask my husband to lay down some ground rules with her before hand so she knows what to expect. I might just bite off her hand. 

Post # 4
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee

“Have you felt any differences in your vaginal canal?”

WHAT? Some people. 

Post # 5
Member
622 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

If I were in your situation, I would have my Fiance speak to his mother on my behalf.  He could just let her know that you feel uncomfortable when people grab your stomach and ask her if she could refrain.  

I always have my Fiance speak to the in-laws when something is bothering me because it comes off better when your own son/daughter is telling you something rather than your son-in-law or daugher-in-law.  Plus it lets your Mother-In-Law know that you and your hubby are a team, and that HE is not comfortable when you are not comfortable.

Post # 6
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I second the above suggestion to have your Darling Husband speak to his mom, and gently let her know that you are uncomfortable with the belly rubbing.

Post # 7
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@cheese: I have no advice, but I feel very bad for you.  🙁  I would HATE that.  I hope you can find a way to get her to cut it out!

Post # 8
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Maybe you could mention to her your stomach is feeling really tight from the baby and sore – hopefully she will keep her hands to herself. I found that putting my hands on my stomach to block unwanted hands helped when I thought someone was about to try to touch me.

@firsttimemom: oh man I hated people asking personal questions when I was pregnant! I was asked by every single person “so are you having a natural birth” to me that was personal and not something I wanted to discuss.

Post # 9
Member
2459 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@Miss Geek: I agree, placing your hand on your belly is a good way to ward off unwelcome rubbing

Post # 10
Member
2907 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@Miss Geek:Maybe you could mention to her your stomach is feeling really tight from the baby and sore – hopefully she will keep her hands to herself.

That sounds like a good idea.

 

Also, talk to your husband. He’s the one who can get the point across without hurting her feelings.

 

 

Post # 11
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Ugh- I haven’t found a good way to combat this either. Sometimes Mother-In-Law will ask how the baby is before she goes to touch me and I say something like “she’s doing well, seems be sleeping right now- its nice to have a break from all of her movement” That usually keeps her off me because there’s nothing to feel if the baby is still. If that doesn’t work you could always say that and then when she goes to touch you say something like “please don’t wake the sleeping baby”

Post # 12
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I couldn’t say anything cutesy, or like you’re addressing a child, because that will likely piss her off (rightfully so).

No need to be condescending or get too upset about it. It comes with the pregnancy territory, everyone at times just has to smile and ignore.

Just have your husband say something to your mother in law. Nicely, of course.

Post # 13
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2007

I also agree that it sounds easier to ask your Darling Husband to talk to her- maybe have him tell her right before a get-together that you’ve been having a lot of problems with nausea, and so would feel better if no one tried the belly rub, just in case it makes you feel sicker?

 

Post # 14
Member
238 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - St. Catherine of Genoa, Jin Asian Cuisine Restaurant

The only person who has “attacked” my belly is my sister. My response was then to reach out and touch her stomach. 😉 Not sure if that would work with your Mother-In-Law though…

Post # 15
Member
756 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I don’t know what your relationship with your Mother-In-Law is like, but if I were in this situation, I think I would just be straightforward and say, “I’m not very comfortable with people touching my belly, and I would appreciate it if you would not do that.”  I don’t think you need to be cute about it — if she’s making you uncomfortable, she needs to know it.

But as others have said, having your husband speak to her is a good option if you would prefer not to talk to her about it yourself.

Post # 16
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I actually complained in front of my Mother-In-Law about how I hated my co-workers commenting about my bump/weight gain and how I thought it was rude. I think she got the point.

Maybe try something similar? That way you don’t have to say “I don’t like YOU doing that” but you could mention how you hate how people think they can just touch you without asking and make comments about your body.

Of course I make sure to have my hands over my stomach most of the time just in case so I haven’t had any problems with touching…but I’m kind of mean. 🙂

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