Post # 1
- Wedding: May 2019 - Our home and the two acres it sits on
I never would have believed how bothered I’d be by this (yes, even while reading about how annoying it was to everyone else, I figured I wouldn’t care), but it’s driving me nuts that my Mother-In-Law rubs my belly when she sees me.
So. Not. Cool.
She did it once about a month ago and I was annoyed because I honestly thought I was hiding the bulge. Then I spent yesterday morning dreading lunch with my in-laws because I just KNEW it would come up again, but it still caught me off guard when she said hi and then “Oh, a belly!” and rubbed it. Somehow I think I could handle a quick pat or tap better than rubbing.
So I changed the subject awkwardly but was uncomfortable talking about anything pregnancy-related from then on. Somehow this whole “let’s talk about Marisa’s body because she’s pregnant and it’s totally okay now” is more awkward than I ever believed.
So. Any good phrasing I can use that means, “Hands off!” but is a little more elegant? I”m down to, “Oh, don’t do that!” with a little upward lilt to my voice like you’d say to a cute little kid you barely know who was about to stick his hand someplace bad/ dangerous. Know what I mean?
I know, I know, I should have expected this, but here I am, annoyed to be touched!
Post # 3
@cheese: Ah! We just told my Mother-In-Law yesterday and I’m already getting the “so, how’s your uterus? Have you felt any differences in your vaginal canal or cervix when you do your internal exams?” UHHHH…just because I’m pregnant does NOT mean my jayjay is public news now. That’s like asking my SIL, how’s your vagina been feeling lately? Luckily I’m only about 9/10 weeks along so the bump isn’t an issue but I will definitely ask my husband to lay down some ground rules with her before hand so she knows what to expect. I might just bite off her hand.
Post # 4
“Have you felt any differences in your vaginal canal?”
WHAT? Some people.
Post # 5
If I were in your situation, I would have my Fiance speak to his mother on my behalf. He could just let her know that you feel uncomfortable when people grab your stomach and ask her if she could refrain.
I always have my Fiance speak to the in-laws when something is bothering me because it comes off better when your own son/daughter is telling you something rather than your son-in-law or daugher-in-law. Plus it lets your Mother-In-Law know that you and your hubby are a team, and that HE is not comfortable when you are not comfortable.
Post # 6
I second the above suggestion to have your Darling Husband speak to his mom, and gently let her know that you are uncomfortable with the belly rubbing.
Post # 7
@cheese: I have no advice, but I feel very bad for you. 🙁 I would HATE that. I hope you can find a way to get her to cut it out!
Post # 8
Maybe you could mention to her your stomach is feeling really tight from the baby and sore – hopefully she will keep her hands to herself. I found that putting my hands on my stomach to block unwanted hands helped when I thought someone was about to try to touch me.
@firsttimemom: oh man I hated people asking personal questions when I was pregnant! I was asked by every single person “so are you having a natural birth” to me that was personal and not something I wanted to discuss.
Post # 9
@Miss Geek: I agree, placing your hand on your belly is a good way to ward off unwelcome rubbing
Post # 10
@Miss Geek:Maybe you could mention to her your stomach is feeling really tight from the baby and sore – hopefully she will keep her hands to herself.
That sounds like a good idea.
Also, talk to your husband. He’s the one who can get the point across without hurting her feelings.
Post # 11
Ugh- I haven’t found a good way to combat this either. Sometimes Mother-In-Law will ask how the baby is before she goes to touch me and I say something like “she’s doing well, seems be sleeping right now- its nice to have a break from all of her movement” That usually keeps her off me because there’s nothing to feel if the baby is still. If that doesn’t work you could always say that and then when she goes to touch you say something like “please don’t wake the sleeping baby”
Post # 12
I couldn’t say anything cutesy, or like you’re addressing a child, because that will likely piss her off (rightfully so).
No need to be condescending or get too upset about it. It comes with the pregnancy territory, everyone at times just has to smile and ignore.
Just have your husband say something to your mother in law. Nicely, of course.
Post # 13
I also agree that it sounds easier to ask your Darling Husband to talk to her- maybe have him tell her right before a get-together that you’ve been having a lot of problems with nausea, and so would feel better if no one tried the belly rub, just in case it makes you feel sicker?
Post # 14
- Wedding: June 2008 - St. Catherine of Genoa, Jin Asian Cuisine Restaurant
The only person who has “attacked” my belly is my sister. My response was then to reach out and touch her stomach. 😉 Not sure if that would work with your Mother-In-Law though…
Post # 15
I don’t know what your relationship with your Mother-In-Law is like, but if I were in this situation, I think I would just be straightforward and say, “I’m not very comfortable with people touching my belly, and I would appreciate it if you would not do that.” I don’t think you need to be cute about it — if she’s making you uncomfortable, she needs to know it.
But as others have said, having your husband speak to her is a good option if you would prefer not to talk to her about it yourself.
Post # 16
I actually complained in front of my Mother-In-Law about how I hated my co-workers commenting about my bump/weight gain and how I thought it was rude. I think she got the point.
Maybe try something similar? That way you don’t have to say “I don’t like YOU doing that” but you could mention how you hate how people think they can just touch you without asking and make comments about your body.
Of course I make sure to have my hands over my stomach most of the time just in case so I haven’t had any problems with touching…but I’m kind of mean. 🙂