- 3 weeks ago
- Wedding: September 2019
Hi Bees! I could use some advice if any of you have experienced this situation, or just general etiquette advice on this.
Ever since childhood, my full first name never resonated with me, and when I was a teenager I started going by a name that is not directly derivative of my full name (Jay- my full first name is Jessica). My family obviously knows me as Jessica and still calls me “Jess” and “Jessie”, but everyone I have met from highschool and beyond have only known me as “Jay”. Obviously my fiancé and a few friends know that my real name is Jessica, but they also know I hate to be called that lol. Anyways, I know that regardless of nicknames, typically you’re supposed to use your full name on wedding invites. So here are the factors giving me pause on both sides:
– we’re only inviting about 70 people, all close friends and close extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins). so it’s not like any of them would likely be terribly confused if I put “Jay”, however they’re probably expecting to see the name they know me by, especially the older family members.
– On the other hand, my fiancé’s family only know me and of me as “Jay”, so they might be confused. Especially because fiancé’s older brother has been in a relationship with a woman named Jessica for many years and they intend to get married as well. His whole family knows her, and she does go by Jessica so when a “Jessica” is brought up, they’re talking about her.
– I’m strongly considering legally changing my first name as well when I change my last name. Obviously my family can continue to call me by the name they always have, but I’d like to cut out the hassle of juggling two names on paperwork vs my daily life, and I also don’t want to be one of two Jessica R___s in the same immediate family.
– finally, as silly as this is, I’m kind of embarrassed by my name being “Jessica”. Not that there is anything at all wrong with the name- it’s just so completely not me. So I’m not thrilled about sending out invites to all of our friends and my fiancé’s family that I don’t know well yet with that name. I feel like especially for the extended in-laws that will be inviting a bunch of cards addressed to “Jessica” and possibly even personalized gifts with that name.
So idk. I know it’s a relatively tiny conundrum, but just wondering if anyone has some thoughts or insights. If I could, I would order invites with my full name for my family and ones with my nickname for everyone else, but obviously that doesn’t work for bulk orders. I’ve been handling all of my wedding business as “Jay”, and all the decor at the wedding itself will read “Jay& ___” or just our initials.