Nickname or birth name on invites?

posted 6 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
84 posts
Worker bee

I’m really not sure if there is some specific etiquette regarding this, but I would just go with the name you are comfortable with if I were you. Like you, I use a name that is not my full legal name in every part of my life, and nobody (including my parents) would even think to refer to me as my full name at this point. So why would I put that full name on invites? Especially considering you may legally change your name after, I wouldn’t use it. I don’t know, just my two cents. People will presumably know who they’re watching get married either way lol. 

Post # 3
4144 posts
Honey bee

I would go with Jay

Post # 4
2673 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

Can you put Jessoca “Jay” Last name?

Post # 5
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I say go with the name you’re comfortable with. If anyone on your side asks, just exain that your fiancesf brother is dating/intending to propose to his girlfriend named Jessica and that it would be confusing for his side. Easy enough!

Also, you’re so lucky you could get a nickname to stick. My first name is nice enough, but I’ve never loved it (and for some reason, I have trouble pronouncing it in a way I like). I tried to get many nicknames to stick throughout my life but they never did. And now everyone knows me as my first name, so there’s no chance of a nickname anymore. Oh well.

Post # 7
122 posts
Blushing bee

I’ve been going through the same dilemma, except my family doesn’t know that I go by a nickname. And mine is nothing like my legal name. FH and I are planning on using my nickname as when we get married I will change my first name at the same time as my last name. Go for the nickname, it’s your name choose what feels right for you.

Post # 8
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

I say go with the name you feel most comfortable! Forget about etiquette on this as it won’t cause anyone discomfort! It’s your day!

I am remarrying and never changed back to my maiden name after my last marriage so am choosing to not have last names on the inside of the invitation (I don’t want the reminder of that marriage during my wedding). People we are inviting know who we are and for those older family friends I’ll write my maiden name on the outside of the envelope.

Post # 9
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

bluejaybride :  You and I are total twinsies on this. My name is Alexandra, but I have gone by Ali since I was 13. The only people to still call me Alexandra are my parents and aunts and uncles. Everyone else in my life calls me Ali. As far as I am concerned, thats my name!

For my wedding invitations, I decided to go with full names, first, middle and last. Due to this and the formality of my wedding, I decided to use Alexandra on the invitations. However, my wedding is 170+ people and will be very formal. I thoguht using my full, official name would help convey that formality. 

However, for everything else I am using Ali. On the wedding website and anywhere else I refer to myself.

I think you should do what will make you happy. Will you like your invitations less if seeing your birth name? Will it constantly bother you after the fact? And do you want your invitations to match everythign else, signage and other stationary stuff such as programs. Just a few things to take into account. But my biggest point is: do what will make you the happiest!

Post # 10
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

I vote for the nickname! We used both of our nicknames on our invitations. I even emailed in response to our event coordinator asking for her to please feel free to use our nicknames, as the only people who use our full names are our parents, legal documents and telemarketers. I actually like that our nicknames are front and center on our invites. It’s fun. Like “Hey we’re having this super fancy schmancy wedding…but we’re still US!” I don’t think there’s a wrong answer here and I’m not knocking people for using their full names. Just encouraging you to rock the nickname if that’s what you want!

Post # 11
1560 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

As a fellow Jessica who loves her name & hates it being shorten.  I don’t get why you’d find it embarassing….

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