(Closed) Niece: “What’s my little brother doing in the wedding?” Uhm…

posted 10 years ago in Family
Post # 3
18628 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think 8 is more than enough kids in the wedding.  I wouldn’t take it personally, I have a lot of friends who sign off of Facebook without saying goodbye and it drives me nuts!

Post # 4
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Wow you guys do have a lot of little ones, the pictures are going to come out so cute! I only have 7 and I thought that was alot.

Are they invited to the wedding? Is there anything little they might be able to do like hand out bubbles or programs.

I still remember when we were younger and my cousin got married and everyone was in the wedding except my brother. And my friend just had a wedding and had two of her little cousins in the wedding and not a third since she didn’t want three flower girls and the little girl was so crushed it was heartbreaking.


Post # 6
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I have my goddaughter and 2 nieces as flowergirls. My nephew/godson (the older brother of 2 nieces) is really too old to be a ring bearer (he’s 9) and is a bit of a wild card (he was my cousin’s ring bearer and yelled “Ewwww!” really loud during the part in the ceremony when the bride + groom kissed).

It’s a bit challenging to find a role for him that he’s not too young/too old/too smart-alecky to perform. But he is my nephew and my godson, so it’s a shame to leave him out altogether. I’ll probably have him passing out programs.

Can you try to  find out if your nephew really wants to be involved? If it’s important to him, perhaps it would be worth it to find some small task he can do. Can he be a “junior usher” (supervised by grown-up usher)? Hand out something at the ceremony (bottled water, bubbles, etc.)? Help decorate or arrange chairs? (Heck, harness up that energy…he might be useful 😉

Good luck!

Post # 8
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think including 8 children is more than enough and very sweet of you to include them.  But it’s not an obligation to include every child in your family.  I think that until the parents start complaining about their kids not having a role, I wouldn’t be too concerned about the 11 year old’s reaction.  When I was 6 my main priority was snack time.

Post # 10
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Since they are invited and you even ordered boutineere then they should feel included! I think that’s great!

Post # 11
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

No WAY do you have to include them. And as someone who works with youth, eleven year olds are NOT indirect like adults. She was probably genuinely curious, not trying to suggest you needed to find a role for him.

Post # 12
19 posts
  • Wedding: August 2010

My best friend has three children. When her sister got married last year, she asked her niece and one of her nephews to be in the wedding (The groom’s niece and nephew were also in the wedding.) My best friend and her husband were also in the wedding party. I was responsible for the 7 year old who was not in the wedding party. I was extremely upset for him about the whole scenario. As I began planning my wedding, I wanted him and his brother to be junior ushers. But he told me that since he didn’t get to be a ringbearer in his aunt’s wedding, he wanted to be one in mine. So, even though he didn’t say anything at his aunt’s wedding, I know he felt left out. In my opinion, the bride should have asked both of her nephews. What is the upside of leaving one out? (Or in this case two, when 8 are included) Just wanted to point out this side of it.

Post # 13
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I think you’ve already gone above & beyond to include a TON of kids!!  If it truly becomes an issue, maybe you could have the boys man the programs?  It would basically just constitute them standing by the door.  really though, I wouldn’t read into it.  You made a very valid point that girls would be MUCH more excited to be involved than little boys!

Post # 14
2889 posts
Sugar bee

I feel like if you have 8, you may as well have 10. That being said, I really think Jr. uUsher is the perfect title and you can have them (one on each side) escort their Grandma down the aisle to her seat. If Fiance is already planning to seat his mom before going to the top of the aisle, find another older relative they can be in charge of “escorting” to her seat so they have a role and an assigned task. I was the 6 year old nice who was not a flower girl in her aunt’S wedding (no kids were involved) and still remember feeling left out so I would go for including 10 if you have 8.

Post # 16
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

hiya – we aren’t having flower girls or anything – so the 3 kids at the actual ceremony (2 hyper boys and a very shy girl) are going to be giving out the 4 or 5 disposable cameras that we have for the reception.


just to make them feel involved!!

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