(Closed) Nieces/Nephews Parents "Stealing" Their Birthday Money?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
7425 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

My dad did this to me and my 2 sisters. It got worse once he started using my SSN to open accounts and CC that he never paid off all under the guise of “building my credit history”, aka destroying my credit. 

I think you and your Fiance should set up savings accounts for your nieces and nephews and put the money in there for them. You can let them know the amount you’ve gifted them in a card. You can then decide when they can access that money.

Post # 17
Member
1632 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

View original reply
AB Bride :  That’s good to know that an account could be set up which would give them access now. I wasn’t sure how that would work, with them being minors but OP not their legal guardian.

Post # 18
Member
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Unless the family is destitute, eww.

I’d have your DH call them out on it: “Hey sis, what did the kids end up getting with their birthday money?  I asked them and they didn’t know what happened to it.”  Who knows, maybe she’s putting it in their 529 for college?  I’d like to believe that, although if that’s the case she still should’ve told them.

Post # 19
Member
9385 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

Similar to what have said..gifts that can’t be returned or government bonds that mature when they turn 18.

i don’t think you can set up a bank account for them without their parents on the account.

Post # 20
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Wow what despicable parents! How sad that the eldest worked so hard yet her parents took her money with no intentions of giving any back. That’s incredibly sad! I’d say take them out for the day and don’t give them any cash. It’s obviously not a gift to them at all and what’s worse when they receive cash their little hearts must sink knowing they won’t get a penny of it. A small gift would probably be more appreciated as at least they would get to keep that! 

Post # 21
Member
9385 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

View original reply
AB Bride :  even if the pin is personal, parents have access to the funds via online banking etc… At least, that’s what I was told.. DH still has one account from when he opened it as a kid that to this day his mother can take money from without asking. (He’s planning to have her removed from it and/or close it soon.. For now I think he’s moved any remaining money out of it.)

Post # 22
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

It honestly would probably be of no use to talk to them. Parents who do this feel as if they are taking what is “owed” to them. This happened to my cousin alot. His mom would “borrow” money and when he would ask for it back, she would lecture him on how much she “does” for him or would say, “I paid you back when I bought groceries.” Very shameful.

Just take them shopping, and let them buy what they want then.

 

Post # 23
Member
3817 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

I would just get them physical gifts at this point as PPs have suggested. My cousin does this with her kids and I no longer give them monetary gifts because I know she’ll take it and they’ll never see it again.

It’s unfortunate that parents would steal money from their children rather than taking the opportunity to teach their children how to be responsible with money, set a budget, start saving, etc. Physical gifts from this point forward until they’re 18.

Post # 24
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Buy them stocks/bonds with you or your husband listed as the custodian. It’s something they won’t be able to access until they are adults but only they themselves will be able to access it. 

Post # 25
Member
4448 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

…is it at all possible that the parents need the money for bills, like keeping a roof over their kids’ heads more than the kids need new clothes? I just can’t believe that a parent could do that to their kid just because  (but I’m sure those people exist).

Post # 26
Member
9375 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
smalltownbigworld :  that sucks. I would probably sock the money away in an account for them and give it to them for their high school graduation. In the meantime just give them smaller items for them to unwrap. 

Post # 27
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

OMG how to parents do that? once I was working from home and had food delivered and realized I was short a few bucks for a tip. I grabbed a $5 off my kid’s dresser and felt like the dirtiest person…lol… I paid him back! 

I’d just take them shopping and not give them the receipt so the parents can’t return the things. That way you get quality time too.

Post # 28
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Sadly, we have experienced this in our families as well.  We chose to take them shopping and we have opened bank accounts in their names which will be theirs when they turn 18. 

Post # 29
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Take them out for a day. Shopping, out to eat, whatever they like. Make sure to get them gifts the parents wouldn’t have interest in (clothes, games or toys they like depending on age, etc).

I had an ex that his mother did this to him. When I dated him we were in high school (about 15 years ago) and I’ll never forget him getting his paycheck at the end of the week, cashing it, and having part of it ready for when he walked in the door so his mom could have it. She took it because she felt he should pay certain bills, not because they weren’t able to pay them. And I also remember her taking his money and buying groceries, and then having some type of meltdown where she got pissed off at him and throwing away the groceries in front of me and him to “teach him a lesson.”

That kid had problems, and we didn’t last at all, but because I saw that I realized how great I had it. Parents who take their minor child’s money are mostly sad creatures.

Post # 30
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Wow and here I was hoping this wasn’t such a common issue… 

My Fiance and I have the same issues with one of his siblings and their kids. One year the parents asked for “monetary gifts” as our nephews were saving up for something rather large, I believe it was bunk beds. Fast forward a couple years, the kids never got bunk beds. Another time one of the boys wanted a new bike – parents took all the gift money, bought the bike, and said “they” had bought the new bike. I don’t agree with how that was done, but at least my nephew got his bike which is what counts. 

The children’s mother has also taken money out of the birthday cards to pay for pizza at the actual birthday parties… I doubt she “paid back” her sons. 

Long story short, we no longer give the kids monetary gifts. Usually we buy the boys clothes or toys. I would do gift cards, but as other people mentioned, I doubt it would actually get used by the person they were intended for… 

I agree with earlier posts to take the kids shopping if you are able to do so. 

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