(Closed) Nigerian Wedding traditions for ceremony?

posted 5 years ago in African-American
Post # 3
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

My Fi and I are actually having a Traditional wedding Ceremony. What part of NIgeria is your Fi from? Maybe we can start from there.

Post # 5
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I wish I would’ve seen this thread, I identify as culturally Nigerian (my dad is Nigerian and my mom is African American) and I had alot of Nigerian (igbo) aspects to my wedding. It sounds like you enjoyed your day though!  Congrats!

Post # 7
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Various things,  like me and my husbands reception clothes were traditional Nigerian ones, all of the food was Nigerian, alot of the music was too. the breaking of the kola nut to start things off (all igbo events are started with breaking the kola nut; my uncle told me it is to represent that though life is sweet, we musnt forget the bitter) and “money dances”. Its kinda similar to the dollar dances as American weddings, except they don’t pay you a dollar to dance, they literally spray money at you, as my Godfather puts it, they make it rain lol.  in addition to gifts, we got about 6k for dancing.  Somethings that I would’ve liked was my tribeswomen dancing me into the reception, and the palm wine ceremony: you pour palm wine for your father, he drinks it and blesses you and tour marriage,  then you are sent out to find your groom and offer him palmwine amongst a group of “imposters” dressed like him. These are more traditional in Nigeria than the US though; back there you usually have a traditional wedding first then a white wedding.  One of my cousins had his wedding in the village in January, and didn’t have the white wedding until earlier this month.

Post # 8
Member
1772 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

My fiance is Yoruba and his parents want to make our wedding a big deal & incorporate some customs into our ceremony/reception (he’s the oldest son, first to get married, they have no daughters).  I keep offering, but they insist that a traditional engagement/wedding is not necessary & doesn’t make sense since I’m not nigerian.  We will proably change into Yoruba outfits at some point during the reception for dancing/spraying.  

 

Outside of his siblings, the bridal party members are not nigerian & will probably only wear western/US outfits b/c we don’t feel right making them pay for both or wear things they aren’t used to.  At least one bridesmaid is very shy and doesn’t really dance.  Should we just do reentry by ourself or does the bridal party really need to dance us in?

 

Does anybody have any other suggestions of what’s typically done at a Yoruba white wedding and reception?  I’ll especially need ideas that don’t involve lots of ppl talking for long periods of time because we will only have the ceremony and reception site for a total of 5 hours and I really want to dance.  And also please let me know if something is fully optional or atypical (so I know that I can say I prefer not to if his mom is insisting that “everybody” does it).  

 

Does anybody have timelines/schedules for the day of?

 

Also- any opinions on receiving line vs. greeting tables?  (30-50% of the guests will likely be his parents’ Nigerian friends/family)

 

Hope I’m not threadjacking, but I figure if answers/opinions to questions like these were on the bee, the OP might not have been left in the lurch.

Post # 9
Member
1772 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@NaijaPuertoDorian:  How many guests attended?  (do you know about how many were nigerian?)

 

My Future Father-In-Law is saying it would work for him if ours is 150-200.

Post # 10
Member
1772 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

bump

Post # 11
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Shkragoldfish:  sorry I was working.  I’ve never been to a yoruba wedding, id imagine there would be some similarities.  Are you serving plated food or buffet style? One thing I know about my people is we don’t rsvp, but we always have a plus 1, or plus 2 or 3! That 150-200 could easily surge to more than that! I only invited 150, but planned for 250, and a bit over 200 came. Its always better to have too much rather than not enough.  We had a receiving line, it’s pretty typical at igbo weddings. As for percentages, around 85% of my guests were naija. There 15% was my hubby’s family and my mom’s family. I had a timeline and schedule, but it quickly got overtakenbbyy dad and aunts. That was the most stressful aspect of my day, maintaning control. 

Post # 12
Member
1772 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

sorry this is so long

 

@NaijaPuertoDorian:  no apologies needed at all & thanks for taking the time.  It seems like you might be carrying the weight of being the only naija bee who’s active right now? if so, then double-thanks & of course other bees’ thoughts & experiences are welcome

 

We’re doing plated (it’s my personal preference to not have ppl in lines & buffet costs more at our venue).  

All of my FI’s side will need to fly across the US or internationally to come to the wedding, so we’re hoping this might make invites and rsvps a more accurate reflection of our total #s attending than for the avg nigerian wedding.  Not sure if anybody else has experience with that?  Was your wedding close to where most of your dad’s side lives?  

 

Also, our venue has a capacity limit, so I’m guessing we might need to do something similar to what you did- we’ll probably tell his parents that it’s 150 guests total & that they have 50 guests that they can invite.  That way, even if his parents invite more than they’re supposed to and even if more ppl come than are invited, we’ll have a significant buffer and still be able to accommodate everyone (as long as his parents will foot the bill for extra guests).  

 

So you invited 150, do you remember how many rsvp’d yes?  Ive been wondering how I’d know/guess how many ppl to plan for if nigerian sides rsvps aren’t accurate.  We’ll need to say a # in our contract, we’ll probably say 150, so we definitely won’t have to pay for more ppl than attend.  Then we’ll need to give our venue a headcount 10 days or so before the wedding.  We will have to pay for all of that # (so not good to overestimate) and if additional ppl beyond that # show up on the day of, we’ll have to pay a higher per person price for them (so not good to underestimate either) . . . suggestions?

 

I prefer going around to tables to talk to ppl, but I’ll do a receiving line if it means we will be able to enjoy more of the dinner/reception and eat.

 

For schedule and control, I think my Fiance and I have the following vendors handpicked and will pay them ourselves & discuss what we want well in advance & that they aren’t to take direction from others (but that they should also never tell his parents that): a planner who sets and coordinates schedule & is used to weddings w/ surprise guests, photographer, dj (who will also mc – meaning mic control Wink), florist, officiant, & I also am the only one who has a relationship w/the venue coordinator.  His parents have a lot of thoughts, but they don’t seem to be “planners” and don’t do anything online really (so they don’t seem like they can interfere w/any logistics, knock on wood, at least until they’re in the area the day or 2 before the wedding).  Is there anything else anybody recommends to try to make sure it’s “our day” and how we want it to be?

 

(I might post some follow-up questions/polls in other threads b/c they aren’t only relevant to nigerian weddings)

Post # 13
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Shkragoldfish:  there were a couple of active naija brudes, but that was 09-10. I had my wedding in Dallas, but family flew in from Nigeria, and traveled from as far north as Maryland. Out of all my guests, 8 rsvpd. They were all of my high school friends I’d invited.  Emphasize to your fi that if your guests don’t rsvp, they can’t come. Hopefully he’ll tell his parents and then they will in turn tell your guests. That will hopefully keep your extra numbers down. Also we are notoriously late people, cp time to the extreme. My wedding was supposed to start at 230, didnt start till 3, and people didn’t arrive until 330! You always have to tell them the event is earlier than it is for them to arrive on time. 

Post # 14
Member
1772 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@NaijaPuertoDorian:  I nearly cussed out loud.  Really??!! only 8 8of your guests rsvpd?!! out of 200??!! omg. okay, yeah, I mean even though I think his parents might only invite 50 ppl, I’m gonna need more rsvps.  wow. okay.  very good to get your perspective.

& I’ll also have to figure out timing b/c we only have the venue for 5 hours.  no option to stay later at all.  we just cannot delay the ceremony for his parents’ guests.  FFIL said he understands and will make sure ppl know that we are starting right on time regardless of who’s there & the ceremony will be short, so don’t miss it.

Post # 15
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Shkragoldfish:  well, with you being American,  they may be a bit more respectful of your time.  Most Nigerians can understand and appreciate times and customs.  Because I,  the bride, was Nigerisn, they went all out, but with the 2 Nigerian/African American weddings I attended the parties didn’t drag on at all. But be warned, people may be a bit upset the food is not naija food, but like I said they’ll be understanding that your wedding is a mixed culture wedding.  Plus im sure in the days prior your Mother-In-Law will hook it up in the days prior!

Post # 16
Member
7992 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

@NaijaPuertoDorian:  Coolness! Do you speak Igbo?

Sorry… am totally being over-curious…

Do you guys have the ceremony with the chicken to ensure the bride’s fidellity? Or is that in the more Northern parts? And do you have the palm wine ceremony?

EDIT: Yep… I can see that you do do the palm wine thing… sorry… it’s really late here and I’m not paying attention as I should be…

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