- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2016
I am looking for some advice on how to cope with my feelings. I’ve been having a rough time the past few weeks.
I was married last month and celebrated with friends and family over Labor Day weekend. Our venue was my father’s family farm. My (now) husband and I spent many, many weekends fixing the place up and renovating the barn to make a party space. This was DIY to the extreme — new flooring, new electrical, new lighting… overall a very labor-intensive project. My dad and I have not had the easiest relationship, so this really helped bring us closer together and helped him to get to know my husband.
My step-mom has not been a part of this project. She did help set up chairs and tables the day before the wedding, but was not an active participant in the renovation project, mostly because she was just not there on the weekends we were working (she was on travel for her job). She did, however, make her opinions of my day-of and decorating decisions very well known. For the most part, I can ignore her when she is being mean, but I am having a lot of trouble getting over this one.
Things really blew up the night before the wedding when my husband’s mom and boyfriend show up. I text my dad and ask if they want pizza for dinner — he confirms yes. On my way out of the house, stepmom’s son and family show up — I was caught off-guard and asked if they had eaten, they said they hadn’t and they’ll fend for themselves. On the road, I get the idea to pick up extra pizza for step-brother and family, I call my husband and ask him to tell everyone I am getting more pizza. Right after my call, his mom and her boyfriend show up, so he forgets to mention about the pizza. I come in with pizza. Husband is sitting with mom and boyfriend picking out pictures to frame for decoration. Step-mom comes up with a pack of hot-dogs to grill for dinner and I mention, I got enough pizza for everyone. She makes a mean comment about how my husband only cares about feeding his family and proceeds to throw a temper tantrum. Not exaggerating here… she starts slamming items on the counter, slamming the cabinets and fridge door, making a huge ruckus. When husband’s mom asks if she needs help with anything, she very tartly snaps that she’s fine and continues to slam things. I run off to tell my dad, who is in the basement at the time, what’s going on. At some time during the tantrum, step-mom asks my husband and his family to get out of the house. She comes down to the basement and starts complaining to my dad and me… I was very upset, so I tell her I cannot talk to her right now and close myself in my room. Already we have decided to not have a big traditional wedding, we wanted to keep things casual and stress-free, and at this point in time, I’m ready to give up on the party altogether despite all our hours of hard work.
Apparently the reason she was upset was because she didn’t want to “host” anyone. I feel I have to call bullshit on this because she was all ready to cook for her son and his family…. plus they live in a house that was they specifically designed and built to host large groups. Furthermore, she did something similar (slamming doors, etc.) the last time my husband’s mom was invited to stay, about a year ago. I don’t know what her problem was and I doubt I’ll ever know, but I’m finding it hard to forgive her behavior. She was just SO MEAN.
Later that night, I had apologized to my husband’s mother, called my mom, and called my sister. I worked up the courage to stand up to my step-mom. Yes, there was yelling, and no, I’m not proud that it came to yelling, but I don’t think she ever really said she was sorry. Instead, it was more of a defense of her actions. Dad was upset with my husband for having his mom drop by so late in the day, which supposedly caused the whole episode, but later told my stepmom she was a jerk for the way she acted. I asked my stepmom to not help in any more setup or wedding related activities. The party goes on as planned, no more drama. In the aftermath, I felt very uncomfortable staying with my dad, so after cleaning everything up, we left a day early. I’ve still been pretty upset about things since.
Today, I get home to about 10 boxes outside our front door. It’s the wedding supplies I had to leave behind at my dad’s place. I had no idea they were coming and that last time I talked to my dad, I was planning to drive out to get them myself. The boxes are falling apart at the edges and I’m worried there may be broken glass. I am absolutely terrified to call and find out why he shipped things back instead of waiting for me to get them. I’m worried my stepmom’s episode has ruined my relationship with my dad.
Thanks for taking the time to read.