(Closed) Night before the wedding: I want to stay together, FI does not…how resolve??

posted 10 years ago in Logistics
Post # 3
4544 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I, too, kind of want us to spend the night before together. However, we planned everything out so that all the maids will be spending the night with me in our apartment and he’ll be at his parents with his groomsmen (we live together). I’m just sticking with the original plan, even though the more I think about it the more I’d like to spend the night before together. However, I figure it’s one night.

Post # 4
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

‘Lalalala’ *hands over ears* trying not to think about this…. we’ve been living together ten years, and I don’t think I have a choice, this is the one tradition we’re stuck with! No see from midnight night before until ceremony!

Post # 5
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

we’ve decided to not spend the night before together… like your partner said it builds anticipation.
I’ll be spending the night before with my step daughter and my little brother.
He’ll be spending the night before with his brother and his son.

But i dont know how you would be able to resolve your situation if you want to and he doesn’t. i think you will need to sit down and really think what you want then talk about it with him

Post # 6
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

We live together too and are going to spend the night together, but in a hotel. We’ll be getting ready separately the next day (me at the hotel and him at home) but I didn’t see the point in spending it separately when we already spend every night together. It just seems like an artificial thing to do for me. I also don’t think I’d be able to sleep!

All in all though, it’s not something that I see as a big deal. One of you will have to budge on this and you might just need to discuss all your individual reasons and see who cares more.

Post # 7
74 posts
Worker bee

I understand you would be more comfrotable with him there, as I do not sleep well without my Fiance in bed, but many families consider this an important tradition.

Because we live together and his family actually lives 30,000 miles away and I would not be comfortable in my high school room; I will stay at the house and he will stay in a hotel room that night. He can sleep almost anywhere so it won’t affect him. Then while I won’t get to spend the morning with him as I’d like, I will be able to calmly finish last minute packing for our honeymoon, spend some time in my whirlpool tub, then enjoy the day with my mom, grandma, and bridesmaids as breakfast and lunch will be catered at the house and the hair dresser will be at the house. He will stay and get ready at the hotel with his friends and will have time with his family without them all over the place bugging me.

In the end I am giving up a night with him but it is one of many and everyone will be happy.

I recommend asking him for the place you share – and have him go elsewhere and then simply arrange for someone close to you to spend the morning with you so you don’t feel alone or ignored on your big day. Arrange to do one of your favorite at home relaxation activities that morning – something you only do when your Fiance isn’t home, then you’ll start to enjoy the idea of the morning alone.

Post # 8
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Im actually excited that we are going to sleep seperately.  He will sleep at our apartment and I am staying in a hotel right down the street from my mom’s house by myself so I can have quiet alone time and get plenty of beauty sleep in.  He is coming to tuck me in but I told him by 9pm he has to go home.  We never spend a night apart and it will be fun because we will miss each other to death and will be extremely excited to see each other finally at the ceremony. I cant spend the night with my famiy, they are way too dramatic and I dont want negative vibes around me

Post # 9
18628 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

My husband and I spent the night together.  It made a lot more sense that way and we were together most of the time preparing for the wedding.  We did a first look and there was still a moment of wow there and the walk down the aisle was still special.  Whatever you want to do will be great!

Post # 10
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Usually, when my fiance has strong opinions on something wedding-related, I let him have it.  I figure, I am getting the wedding of my dreams in so many ways, so if something like spending the night before the wedding apart from one another is important to him, then I just say ok. 

We will be sleeping apart the night before the wedding.  I’m staying in the hotel room where we will also spend our first night as a married couple, and he will be staying at our vacation rental house w/ my parents.  My sister is going to join me in the hotel room, and I think she will help to keep me calm.  Hopefully we’ll get some good restful sleep…. at least I’m crossing my fingers!

Post # 11
14181 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

It was kinda strange not spending the night with him. But i stayed up SOOOO late (ok, midnight? haha) and was exhausted. I got up at 7am and i was so tired i slept like a rock. I had a bunch of girls over at my place, we were getting up early, and he slept at his mom’s house. In fact, slept in, then had breakfast out with his groomsmen.

Post # 12
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think spending the night away is great! I want the anticipation of seeing him, but I also understand you don’t want to part!

Post # 13
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

After the rehersal dinner after-party we’re going to seperate. My Guy is spending the night at his BM’s house and I’m sleeping at my MOH’s house.  I think it’s going to be so much fun to have a slumber party the night before. 

Post # 14
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Could you compromise and sleep separatlely but still have breakfast together?

Post # 15
1149 posts
Bumble bee

What is the biggest discomfort for you, being without him or being in a strange bed? 

If it’s the latter, maybe stay at your place and have your Maid/Matron of Honor stay there as well if you don’t want to be alone?  

If it’s that you don’t want to be apart from him, honestly it’s only one night and like others have said it will build anticipation and you and he will be EXTRA happy to see each other at your wedding ceremony, so maybe focus on that? 

No matter what you decide I hope you and he can come to an acceptable compromise. 


Post # 16
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think I’m in the minority but I LOVE when Fiance goes away for the night. I get to lay out on the whole bed with my dog, no snoring, and no one waking me up early in the morning. I’m staying at the hotel the night before our wedding, and he is staying at our house and hosting a keg party for friends and family. I’m so not interested and look forward to the time by myself. I may even sit at the hotel bar and have a drink before I go to sleep. lol.

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