(Closed) night before wedding tradition….drama

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

what you are going to do is…whatever you and your Fiance want. whatever makes you feel warm and comfortable the night before your wedding. you’re going to shut down every conversation with anyone that might question your decision. you will shut it down quickly, politely and firmly and change the subject, and if they still badger you, have a ready excuse to physically leave the area. you will continue to do this until they receive the message that this topic is no longer up for discussion. you’re 30. not 13. adopt an assertiveness that reflects your age. (ok, you might have to fake it for a while, these things take practice πŸ™‚ this advice will be more effective if your Fiance adopts the exact same approach. once they realise you are not going to be talked into doing something that you feel is not best for you, they will start the process all over again with their son. the sooner everyone understands that you are a united team, the quicker this situation will be a non-issue.

Post # 4
Member
622 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m Catholic (like your FMIL), but I still say to do what you and your Fiance are most comfortable with!  If being together the night before is what will put you both at ease, then I say go for it.  Don’t let anyone else convince you otherwise.  πŸ™‚

Post # 5
Member
1267 posts
Bumble bee

Your Fiance seems like an awesome guy that is willing to go along with whatever you want to do.  I say….ask your sweet fiance to call his mom, tell her that the two of you discussed it and you both decided that you will be spending the night together in the hotel/your apartment (whichever you want) the night before the wedding.  Then, like a boxer, just block, block, block!

Her: Oh no, we want you to stay with your brother..

Fiance: No, we’re going to stay together.  So, what does your dress look like?

Her: But, we insist!  Starry can even stay with your sister

Fiance:, No, thanks, though.  We decided to stay together.  So, are you looking forward to our dance?

Her: But, but…

Fiance: Yeah, we’re going to be staying together that night.  Anyway, how about them Mets?

You get the picture.  And you have to be there to support him doing it and when its your turn to get badgered just say to yourself “I am grown and I know what I want” and tell her ‘No, thanks though, but we decided to stay together’.  It reall will work, but its going to take repeating over and over to get it through.  Once she can’t get the answer she wants I think she’ll stop πŸ™‚  Good luck!

 

Post # 6
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@luckyprincess: nice role-play. Starry – that’s exactly how it’s done. parents can be trained. it’s difficult, but achievable if you work together. reprogramming them to accept that you’re now a grownup, quite capable of making your own decisions, and not willing to bow to unecessary pressure can be exhausting, but it is well worth it.

you’ll be pumped and ready to deal with the inevitable “but of course you both will have Christmas dinner with us/attend great-aunt Gert’s birthday/enrol your child at this school/use this brand of dishwashing detergent…”

train ’em now.  

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